A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:*OP's Original Title*My best friend and I have much more of a family than friend relationship. We talk almost daily for hours, go on trips together, etc. I have been married 20 years and all but a few of those have been miserable. My best friend is always there to try to cheer me up and will be one of my main supporters when I finally decide to leave. She truly is one of the only people in my life I can count on to be there through the good, the bad and the ugly. Problem is her husband is now treating me the same way. I love both of them and I know they both care deeply for me, but I'm scared I'm developing 'more' for her husband. He and I don't talk everyday, but we do text A LOT and he will call me to check and see how I'm doing, calls me up to go have lunch, is my stand in for events my bff nor my husband will tak part in, etc. He has bought me gifts and we have many inside jokes. She often jokes about me being his 'other wife' too and has told me on more than one occassion how much he loves me and wants me to be happy. I am scared I'm getting a little too much happiness from his friendship. He is the super nice guy type and I'm worried I'm starting to read too much into it. If I try to back away they will both question why and quiet frankly I NEED support right now. With everything she has done for me there is NO WAY I could betray her in that way, but how do I stop these growing feelings for him. I am consciencely aware that I am putting him on a pedastool for what I'm not getting at home, but I am falling for him deeply. When he hugs me and pulls me close (they are a hugging family) I don't want to let go. When he goes out of his way to do a favor for me I question how can a man do this for a female and not have a romantic agenda. I DON'T want to feel this way, but it's becoming unbearable not to. Is he really trying to woo me or is this just what male friends do when they care for someone like family? I've never had a close friend, NOT this close, of the opposite sex, so how do I put the friendship first and not get swept away by Prince Friendcharming?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): I think you should quit trying to want this guy less. Start trying to divert your affections to some other romantic relationship.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 June 2010):
 This is a ticklish situation. It is very good that you see the dangers. My usual advice for a situation like this is to have some strict rules and everyone signs off on them.
Never be alone with him. Group events are OK but drive separately or with kids.
Make sure his wife knows what you are going to do and when he will be home.
Don't go into his house if his wife isn't home. and vise-versa. Never go into a bedroom with him.
I think that if you need a hug you should get it from his wife not from him.
You need to sit down with both of them and establish these rules or other rules you are all comfortable with.
Your attachment outside of your marriage is putting additional stress on your marriage. If this is going to be going on for a long time, you should put more distance in the relationship. If Divorce is eminent, get the parers started as soon as possible.
FA
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