A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. I'm 18 and just graduated high school. He is 17 and now a senior in high school. I love him dearly with all my heart but i feel like i'm missing out on something like theres something else out there. Theres been a few boys that have told me they've liked me for a while and now i sort of have feeling for one of the guys. Me and my boyfriend have been having some problems lately and i ended things thinking that it would give me sometime to think and just be alone for a while but we hang out like we still go out. I'm scared to end things for good because hes everything i've ever dreamed of having in a guy..he's perfect! I don't know if i should end things for good to see what else is out there since i'm still young and haven't had many relationships or if i should just stick things out. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 What do you want out of a relationship? If you're just in it for fun why not stay since he's a good guy. If you're looking to be married.. Im not sure, you were the one who said you were too young though. So no one is asking you to "settle" exactly.
What do you want out of a relationship, and what is it you think you are missing out on? I personally don't think you are missing out on anything. The grass is not greener on the other side, and if you are happy where you are why not stay?
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 June 2010):
 You are getting good answers. There are 2 things I would like to address as well. First your relationship is going through a change. You are moving from a local relationship to a long distance relationship. I know that sounds funny because you still meet him regularly (more on that in a bit.) But, the truth of the matter is that you now live in two different worlds. This will be even more true come September when he is back in high school. He will want to go to high school events like games and dances where you just won't feel comfortable, and in the case of dances, where you really shouldn't be. That is really going to put a crimp on things.
A lot of High school Girls Date older guys because they think that they are more mature than the guys their age, that is likely part of what you think you are missing. C. Grant also talked about you being at the age to experiment. You are missing that as well because you wanted to commit to the first guy you dated. You are feeling those pressures but you are making what is becoming the most common relationship mistake.
You are trying to have a partial breakup. You want to try new things but keep the old relationship as a back up plan. The "wanting to have your Kate, and Edith too", plan. You want to date other guys but you are still hanging out with him. New guys are going to see your relationship with him as being a big obstacle to a new relation. They will be naturally jealous of the time you two have had together. Every time you date a new guy the old guy is going to be hurt. Would you rather hurt him 20 times or one time? If you are going to seek new experiences it is best if you follow the no contact rule. And not take the "lets remain friends" rule. You don't have to have a mean parting but you do need a complete parting.
Make the break now for these reasons. You have already decided to break up. Summer is the best time for both of you to look for new flings. By "hanging out" you are both sending a message to the world that you are both still "not available".
I personally would suggest that the soonest you two should be together again is after he has graduated High school. But no promises. You both will be very different people in a year. If after that time, and more than one relationship for you, you still feel a need to get back with him, then you could try again and both be on equal footing. For now close your eyes and let him have his senior year in high school to the fullest.
FA
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 This is a very intriguing question for me, because I was on the other side of it many years ago.
You didn't say whether you've gone on to university or what you're doing, but regardless leaving high school is a big life event. You're having new life experiences and meeting new people; what your boyfriend has to talk about is "been there done that" for you. It can't help but put a strain on the relationship.
You got together with him when you were 16 or 17. That's awfully young to make a permanent commitment. Sometimes those romances can last, but not often. You're at a stage in your life where you should be experimenting.
In the end you have to decide what's right for you. But if you're having doubts, it's probably more fair to your boyfriend to work them through.
Good luck.
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