A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together 12 months. I'm still going through a rather messy divorce and have major trust issues thanks to my ex husband. I've made it perfectly clear that all I ask for is the truth. I don't know how to confront my partner about things I've discovered about him. For instance, he carries 'his mums' engagement ring around in his wallet. I discovered messages on Facebook from him to his ex girlfriend saying that 'he'll keep the ring and picture of her' - up until February he had her student ID card in his wallet!! He told me they split up in march, I discovered yet again through facebook that it was actually July (we met 10 days later). He swears blind he's had no contact, yet I discovered he was still emailing and texting her. He went out for her birthday in November and was telling me 'she's behaving like we're still together.' I know full well that she has blocked him both on facebook and email accounts and I don't see her as a threat...it's just the lies I can't deal with. Another example is I was receiving texts and emails from him right back in September saying how he missed me and couldn't wait till the next time we were together, then in the next breath, signs up for an account on f-buddy! I'm trying so hard to overcome my insecurities and stuff keeps bringing me back to square one. I don't know what he has to gain by lying... Recently (last week) he blatantly lied when I asked him if he'd heard from a job interview (he'd received an email saying he hadn't got to the interview stage). He just kept on saying he hadn't heard anything. I'm sick to tears that I'm snooping on him. I feel bang out of order for doing it but the more he lies the more I feel compelled to. I just want some respect and I don't know what to do. I'm so unhappy and if I was financially better off, my head is telling me to walk away...my heart loves him to pieces :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): You shouldn't be dating anyone because, technical you are still married. So you are displaying "cheating" like behavior by carrying on a relationship while still married although you are going through a divorce. So this is where you went wrong FIRST to begin with.
Simply put---you were a rebound for your boyfriend as he started talking to you 10 days after the breakup. Unless he didn't care or love his ex before and after the breakup, it's safe to assume that he still has feelings for this woman which is why he carries photos of her in his wallet and he continues to contact her on networking sites.
There is nothing wrong with your bf still having feelings for his ex--where he went wrong is jumping into a relationship with you, knowing that he still has emotional attachment to the ex. People often times can't help how they feel. I don't think it's ever a good idea to start dating others when your heart and feelings is elsewhere because, you will end up cheating--AND A PERSON WHO DOESN'T NORMALLY CHEAT WILL CHEAT IF THEY ARE FACED WITH THIS SITUATION.
If you can't muster up the strength to leave your bf, then he should leave you..why? HE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. It isn't fair to you--he is hurting you. He needs to end it and figure out how to either get over this woman or if he feels he can work things out with her then try to do that. But I don't believe in being involved with someone when I still have feelings for someone else. Now, you make think that as time goes on, he will see how great of a woman you are and appreciate that, but when you are dealing with feelings and emotions..it's not that simple. Even if the guy doesn't cheat on you in a physical manner, he is still cheating emotionally and mentally.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Oh, for heavens sake! You know if we had a dollar every time someone (USUALLY a woman) sends a message saying how her partner/bf/husband has treated her like dirt, but she still "loves him to bits" we'd be rich as Croeseus! Yep, sitting on piles of gold, just about! Why on earth do women do this??
Well anyway. I'm sorry you are going through all this grief and misery, especially after a messy divorce, then meeting a new guy you had hoped to be happy with.
This man is totally untrustworthy. Totally. You have confronted him about his behavior, with no good result. You need him like you need the proverbial hole in the head.
Dump him. It's no more than he deserves - and when you do, don't look back!
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A
male
reader, k1dspk1 +, writes (29 July 2010):
For the situation about all of the lies, sit him down one night, tell him about everything that's upsetting you, tell him about how you know he's lying. Tell him you won't snoop/check up on him anymore... and DONT!
Allow him to have a bit more freedom and space and he should come running back to you.
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