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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have trouble forgiving people. Old friends have tried to hang out and I don't want anything to do with them because they were so mean to me. I also had an ex-crush who rejected me try to talk to me online, but I just blocked him. I don't want anything to do with them and have trouble forgetting what they did. I don't understand why they would come back in my life either. It's just too painful to deal with. But I really have trouble forgiving people because they hurt me so much. How can I learn to be more forgiving of others? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 123itsme  +, writes (29 July 2010):
if u want to forgive them u may need closure and just because u forgive someone doesn't mean u forget. You can forgive them and still no talk to them. Whether or not they deserve you forgiveness is all up to u.
Sometimes we have bad people in our lives who hurt us and then we learn from this.it makes us better.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (29 July 2010):
You can forgive but doens't mean you have to be apart of their life again! and it's ok for you to be like you are it's show you are strong and you don't except people hurting you and you don't tolerate it, and you have self respect for who you are. and all that is ok im proud of you! stay strong and remember to forgive doesn't mean you have to forget what they did to you! you never will. you know how i put it it's like think before you say or do something that can hurt someone, because its like a tube of tooth paste once you squeeze it out you cant put it back you know what i mean what you say to someone, you can never take back! and also respect others the way you would respect yourself and treat others the way you would want to be treated. those are all so true to live by. maybe in time you can be able to talk to them when your ready and you know in your heart! that they are truly sorry for what they did to you. actions speaks louder then words.
Respectfully:
Oregongrl1
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A
female
reader, nadia07  +, writes (29 July 2010):
You know, I can certainly relate to this. There are people's mistakes which I can forgive and forget, while there are others which I can forgive but NEVER forget. I guess it depends on the level on HOW MUCH they hurt you.
Confucius says, "An angry person will always fills himself up with poison". Basically, when we can't forgive a person, it is because deep down we feel angry with how they treated us, we feel hurt and resentful. These are all negative feelings which will block you from forgiving the person.
I have been hurt and disappointed many times by the people I trusted, loved and cared about. However, I do realize that I would rather spend my time loving people rather than hating people as hating people is very tiresome and consumes lots of energy. Do realize that we are all humans, and everyone makes mistakes.
If these people regret what they did, then just let go and forgive them. If they don't regret what they did, there's no point in hanging around with these people. The decision is all yours. :)
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Without knowing what it is they have done to hurt you, or whether they just tend to be inconsiderate and careless in the way they treat others in general - in which case you're better off staying away from people like that -
I wonder if perhaps you might not speak up for yourself enough? Of course, we cannot know that, but some find it very difficult to be properly assertive without going overboard and becoming belligerent.....everyone is different.
Anyway, to forgive is good for you. If you don't forgive, the bitterness, hurt and maybe hatred fester in your heart and, as it were, will come back to "bite" you. Forgiving does not mean you have to FORGET their behavior, but hopefully in remembering it, you can learn from the experience so as not to put up with it again. To forgive also means to let go of the experience so that you can heal.
Hope this is helpful!
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