A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can see how this might come off as strange or creepy but i'm really looking for advice/opinions on this.I recently joined an online dating site in an attempt to find a girl as similar to me as possible and it looks like I might have suceeded. The only problem is that she hasn't been on the site for several months.Luckily however, she mentioned a particular event she usually attends in her profile description.Now my question is, should I go to this event in an attempt to meet this girl of my dreams even though she may; 1.) have met somebody else on the site, 2.) not even be there, 3.) think i'm a complete weirdo stalker.Or should I risk it and hope for the best even though i'm nervous as hell about it?Any and all helpful/insightful replies appreciated :) Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Well, I have a thought.
If you want to go to this event to see this girl, why not? However, I would advise that you do it on this condition only - do not tell her right off the bat that you saw her on the dating site and tracked her down based on what you read her plans to be. You would run the risk of creeping her out, and you don't want to do that.
I would suggest you play it as though you "happen" to be there. Read up on the event so you sound knowledgeable about it, which will give you something to talk about.
Also, don't act like you know everything about her based on the profile you read of hers on the computer. Pretend you haven't read anything about her at first, and just approach her like you would approach anyone you're interested in in real life. Take the time to establish rapport with her. Make her comfortable, interested in you, and put her at ease. Then get her number, call her, and ask her out!
You're probably thinking - I don't want to lie to her! Well, here's when you "come clean", so to speak: If all goes well, and you've found out that she's not in a prior relationship, and she's interested in you, you've gone on dates and both of you are totally into each other and you've got her hook, line, and sinker, then you can reveal how you came to be interested in her. At THAT time, she'll find it romantic. Reveal it anytime sooner, and you'll risk creeping her out.
There is also the risk of "imbalanced feelings" when it comes to the internet. You've known of her existance long before you eventually meet her, meaning you've had time to establish feelings for her that she's completely unaware of. Remember that it takes TIME to develop feelings for someone. Bombard her with your feelings as they are now, and the results absolutely will not be good, but rather overwhelming and stifling for her. If you meet, you have to temper those feelings to match where SHE is at, meaning to her, you're an interested stranger, not someone who's profile she's read and who has been doing a LOT of thinking about.
So take it slow - find out if she's got someone else, and TREAT her like you've just met her. Take the time to establish rapport and let her tell you about herself as if you've never read her profile.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): It might be worth noting that this was a free dating site. I have confirmed that she hasn't been logged in for a little over 4 months or received my messages/emails.
(Just to avoid any confusion)
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 August 2010):
 If you've never met her and therefore not been in touch with her, how would she think you might be a stalker just because you happen to be at the same event as her?
Yes, wshe might have met someone else, or not attend the event this time - or she might be there and happy to meet you.
I say nothing ventured, nothing gained. In your place I'd go ahead and go and see what happens......depending on her behavior when you introduce yourself, she might be happy to see you. But if she should be a bit stand-offish, then you'll be disappointed, but will know to let it drop then and there.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Mature Lady +, writes (17 August 2010):
Why dont you contact the dating line you registered with,to find out if this girl is still on their books and still available for dating,it would be foolish to start going to a place where she might be,and even if she was there it would not be wise to approach her.If you are determined to try and find her do it through the dating agency.
...............................
|
