A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have affair with a married man we love each other alot from 2 yr we are in love. he cant leave his wife wat sud i do, We are in sexual relationship I am 24 and he is 31. he is married for 7 years and have 2 childrens . I love him very much. He always says that he loves me more than his wife and more closer to me than her. He wants to marry me after 2 years and says he can take care of me and his wife also. Somedays back I saw one video clip on his mobile in which his wife and children’s are enjoying with him. I feel so hurt and jealous when I saw videoclip I cant understand whether his love is true or he is with me only for his sexual needs. There are many problems in our marriage. Our religions are also different. What should I do. Please help me
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 After two years he has not left his wife, and you found a video of him and his family enjoying themselves; sounds like his marriage is not as troubled as he says it is. You have far more to lose than this man because he's not going to leave his wife and kids. And I doubt his wife would even end the marriage if she found out about the affair. YOU are the person most at risk to be hurt here and you know exactly what you have to do, which is end this dead-end relationship. The question is whether you are brave enough to do it or are you going to let your fear of being alone keep you trapped in this mess.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): You have absolutely no right to feel jealous. You are the one in the wrong here and the best thing for everyone is for you to just walk away.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 i think your completely wrong ashley we all understand very well some may have been cheated on and some havent but at the end of the day we are trying to give her a wake up call because she wants something THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! and as for being perfect thats just rude because im sure most aunts here know their not so dont try and put them down to make yourself look good cause it wont happen! and no one is blaming her all they are trying to say is get out of this and find someone better because she deserves it! so if your going to have a rant please put it somewere else this is for advice not dictation!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): He's using you. He's also still having sex with his wife. Just so you know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): we get into situations out of many life problems. Then do not know the way out.Seek the kingdom of god within ask for help believe you receive help, It is a difficult situation, married or not a person can care for someone else and yet be committed to a family, where the pain of leaving is too much.
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female
reader, Ashley321 +, writes (6 August 2010):
Some of the women on this site are very harsh on cheating because they have been cheated on and because they feel they are too perfect to ever fall in love with someone and cheat... the reality is that sometimes we can't or don't control our feelings and are consumed with forbidden temptations... the truth is we all feel attracted to others at one time or another; even if you are married; but it's how we chose to act that defines our character... but we ar not all perfect... even if some of the readers think they are... being on both sides of the fence... my husband cheating and me myself having a long time affair can tell you... let's stop judging people on having the affair as if we are better than them and help them resolve the problem that is all ready here... stop crying over spilled milk... ladies! We all know it's bad to cheat and hate it... but we are human... if you think you are perfect and will never cheat... good for you! Then move on with your perfect little life and stop reading these posts with strong nasty opinions!!
I have to agree though that this relationship of yours will probably go nowhere and will only cause you and his wif pain... most of the time they will choose their wives, especially if they didn't leave her during the 1st year of your affair when th falling in love felings are the strongest!! Not easy to do, but walk away, if he loves you he will make the decision to not lose you... but remember the consequences... you have to live with an angry and bitter ex and maybe bitter children. I feel bad for the wives, being one myself, but just because she was cheated on... don't give her all the sympathy, being married to a man does not automatically give you a halo on your head... people are so fast to jump down the throat of the other woman!! It's not just her fault... your husband has to give you respect and loyalty, she owes you nothing, she is not your friend... it's a competition, not our fault...it's human nature to want to win... get over it you perfect women out there that think they can look down on women who have fallen in love and had an affair... if you don't do it again after one mistake, it doesn't make you a disgusting person... unless you make a habit of having affairs... then it's wrong!! I never blamed the other woman... my husband owed me loyalty and respect ...not her!!
But being in your situation, it's best to move on, I know it's hard to get over someone you feel so strongly for... but everyday the pain gets better and you can objectively look back and see that leaving him was the best thing for you... if it's meant to be, he will leave his wife and be with you...if not you will have days you feel sad and heart broken, but know that leaving was the right decision, because you will value yourself and know you deserve your own man and your own life... with children and all! It won't be easy, the hurt will be there, but it's how you handle the pain that makes you a strong character... it defines you, makes you stronger, so that you never make this mistake again... and you will realize it was a mistake when the pain subsides and you have your own life and not have to share that life with another woman. We all have feelings at one time or another for someone else, it's how you decide to deal with it that shapes our future... learn from your mistake and try never to fall for a married man again... you are not a bad person the way some of these woman define other women that fall in love with a married man...they just think they are perfect and this will never happen to them... if you make it a habit to chase married men then I won't give you my sympathy, but if it has only happened once and you need help moving on...I'm here... someone who understands both sides...
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 August 2010):
 He "loves you a lot, more than his wife, but he can't leave his wife." Yeah, right. He means he WON'T leave his wife.
You belong to different religions - which would be bad even if he were not married - because having different faiths can make relations very difficult.
He's not being fair to his wife and kids by cheating on them; neither are you.
There is NO FUTURE in this! Give it up!!
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female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
 he's never gonna leave his wife. you'll always be the one on the side. you can't upgrade yourself. he already told you that he can take care of both of you... and that's what going to happen.
and there's no such thing as "true love" with a married love. he's MARRIED honey. he's already has "true love" with somebody.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (6 August 2010):
i love how every person who is cheating with someone behind someone back goes he loves me very much but hes still with his family! oh yes he loves you that much he would rather live with them and not you! come on seriously! seriously walk in the other direction and find a man who wants you and doesnt have a family! walk away now before you find out your just abit on the side good luck aphex
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 August 2010):
 You are always going to be sloppy seconds. You have two choices: either you settle for second rate status or you leave him to his wife and family and move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): You should move on with your life. Entering into a "relationship" with someone who is married is a big risk to take. He has more to lose because he has a family. If he really wanted to be with you, he would leave his wife...no matter what. Then you have to ask yourself, will he cheat on you too?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): You have to drop the relationship. I promise you he will NOT leave his wife and kids for you - that is guaranteed. Sorry to be blunt but you will recover and find a new boyfriend. Of course he is enjoying himself with his wife and kids - he is just using you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): He will tell you anything to continue having sex with you. This guy doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you and he is NEVER LEAVING HIS WIFE FOR YOU. He doesn't love you as much as he loves his wife, because, he doesn't love you at all honey and it's best that someone tells you the truth. If you continue an affair with this guy, you going to be really heart broken and empty handed when it's all said and done.
This guy isn't the one in need of help...YOU ARE. You are thinking that this can sexually relationship is going to grow into something more perm. and stable and it isn't. And lets just say if this guy did leave his wife for you....what makes you think that he will be faithful to you? HE'S NOT and then you will have another problem on your hand.
If you have any self respect, you will leave this married alone, seek therapy, read self help relationship books, pray and just spend quality time by yourself to figure how you got yourself into such a situation and how not to go that route again.
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