A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are really happy with each other. We love each other and never fight. But there's just this one problem that bothers me every time. I don't know why, but I just hate when he hangs out with his friends. I mean, I feel like hypocrite saying that because I'm with my friends way more than he is. But even though I go out with my friends, I still don't like when he's with his. I feel like I want him to be with me in his spare time. I'm not sure if it's a jealousy problem or what it is. I really don't like the feeling though. I don't know what I'm asking for but I just want to know if this is normal? Or what I can do to not feel this way? I just feel so angry with him everytime he's with his friends. I don't want it to be like this because he rarely gets time for his friends anyways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): You're sounding completely unfair and selfish. Don't let him know you feel this way, seriously. He will be completely put off you, and may think twice about who he is going out with.
I think it's a form of jealously. You already know it's wrong to feel this way, so that's good enough to be able to stop these feelings.
You need to look at it as, if the two of you spend too much time together, it'll push the pair of you away from one another. As Cheryl Cole says in the song fight for this love - too much of anything can make you sick.
Both of you having your own friends is a good thing, it should never be considered bad. Unless there's a particular reason for it, such as they're influencing him to sleep with other girls, him acting stupid around them, etc.
But yeah, he needs his own space as well as you do. It's only fair he gets to see his friends if you're seeing yours. Like you say, he doesn't get much time to see them anyway.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (31 July 2010):
 DON'T make an issue out of this!
Jmc's advice on how to handle your feelings is very good.
You want to be with your friends; why begrudge him spending the limited spare time he has to be with his pals?
You're being unreasonable. If you don't relax and remind yourself that he has every right to hang out with the guys sometimes - and that it DOESN'T mean its because he does not want to see you! - you could lose him, you know.
So if you want to keep him happy to be your boyfriend, just cool it and tell him to have a good time with his friends.
I mean it!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): i know exactly how you feel ! its like why does he want to hang around them when he could be with me !
but yes it is bad, but sometimes you can not help it you just love them so much you want him to be with you whenever you can and you just dont feel good enough when he choses to be with them insted?
but honestly he may want to be around you just as much as you want to be around him, he cant just be around you and only you because he would lose all his friends and what would happen if he lost you? he would have no one..
it would be the same if you didnt hang around your friends and then he brokeup with you for a random reason and you would be left with no one...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): You already know what you're feeling is bad. What you're describing is a form of jealousy, and a completely hypocritical, unfair kind at that.
So how do you get over it? When you start feeling that way, reason with yourself: "I hang out with my friends, so he gets to have guy time, too." Take a deep breath. Maybe engage in an activity with a friend of yours, whether that be hanging out around the pool, painting each others' toenails, going to a movie, whatever you like to do, while he's with his friends. This way, you're both doing something you like and no one is getting treated unfairly.
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