A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if i should meet this guy alone or not. My friend must have told him about me, my friend is female, by the way, because she said he kept asking her to ask me to meet up with them both. she also said that he really likes me, and he said that before we had emailed each other, and we havent met at all yet. She gave me his email address, and we have spoken a little bit. He seems like a nice person and intelligent, and he sent me a photo of himself. I hadn't sent one back, as i wasn't sure whether to send one or not, but today, my friend went to the library with him, and showed him my photos on facebook, as she is on my friends list, and she hadn't told me that she was going to do that, so i thought it seemed a bit pushy, although, maybe she was just trying to help. He did say that he thinks i am really pretty though. I'm not sure if i find him attractive looks wise yet though, as he isn't the type that i usually go for. i usually like people with dark hair, his is a reddish brown.Also, last week, he sent me one of his emails, before i had even replied to the last one, which also seemed a bit pushy to me. It hadnt been long since he had sent the other email before that. I just hope that he and my friend arent trying to pressure me into having a relationship with him. I'm also quite concerned as my friend told me that he has never had a girlfriend, but i'm not sure if she means he has never dated at all, or if he has just had flings, or if he has never had a relationship at all. I know that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but i guess i might still need to be cautious. I also asked my friend if she would like to come with us when we meet up, but she said she thinks we should meet alone first to get to know each other, then she will meet up with us another time. This does seem like a set up to me, but i'm not sure i feel comfortable going to meet a guy i dont even know in another town. we dont live in the same area. we will be meeting during the day though. What do you think ?
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Well, its actually quite complimentary that he seems keen on you and is looking forward to meeting you........but, if you feel too uncomfortable, and don't like that he and your friend are comparing "notes" about you, maybe you should just cancel. Without knowing when you plan to meet, I'd give him at least a day or more notice to just say that after thinking it over, you prefer not to meet. Don't go into details, or make excuses, just let him know.
He might not like it - probably won't - but really, you don't know him, not having met, and you sure don't "owe" him anything, except to courteously thank him for the invitation, which you must, unfortunately, having given it some thought, decline......
On the other hand, I hear what you're saying about not wanting to give him your phone number in case you decide you don't want to see him again.
However, one reason TO give it to him (if you decide to go ahead with the meeting) is in case something comes up - i.e., maybe he's run into a delay and will be later meeting you than planned. In that case, he would have no way to let you know, and you'd arrive at the station wondering why on earth half an hour had gone by and he wasn't there.......if it turns out you don't want to hear from him again, you can always politely tell him you enjoyed (if in fact you did) meeting him this time but you have a busy schedule and would find it too difficult to make the trip very often - and you wouldn't expect him to, either.
This would be especially relevant if your journey takes a couple of hours or more.......he should get the hint, but if he does not, you can always block him if he gets too persistent in calling you.......
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): i'm starting to feel like he is a bit clingy, or maybe too keen, and its making me a bit nervous, and i dont really like how he and my friend talk about me to each other. i know it's understandable since me and this guy are both friends with my friend, but my friend could end up caught in the middle of it all. also, the train station is within walking distance of the town centre, it's just not directly in the centre, so we will be walking to wherever we go to get something to eat. he keeps asking for my phone number too, but to be honest, i dont want to give it to him until after we have met, just incase it doesnt work out, as i wouldnt want him to keep calling if it turns out that i dont want to see him again. i agree with you as well denise, that i should take my mobile with me just incase i need to call the police.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 August 2010):
Get omething to eat within walking distance of the train station would be a good idea......if he insists on driving to a restaurant, keep your celll phone turned on and be prepared to call the police, IF necessary......but first, in his hearing, call your parents to let them know where you are and what time to expect you home......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): he sent me an email tonight and he said " i hope i live up to your expectations, because you definately met mine when i saw your photo " . it's making me a bit nervous really, although, i know i should take it as a compliment as well. he said he will meet me at the train station, as i cant drive , so i'll be travelling by train, and he wants us to go get something to eat and get to know one another. i agree that i shouldnt get in his car ( if he has one ) or go back to his home. i guess it cant hurt to try, and i wont know what he is really like if i dont meet up with him. i'm hoping we will get on really well, but if we dont, i dont have to meet him again.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 August 2010):
I'm with Dirtball here. Yes, meet in a public place, and make sure you arrive and leave on your own.
Do not get in his car or go back to his home!
These are simply reasonable precautions to take when meeting a complete stranger for the first time (or even the second and third) - especially in another town......notwithstanding that your friend may be comfortable with him. And in fact, he may well be a nice, decent guy.
If you notice anything about his behavior that makes you uncomfortable, then leave! You can't be too careful.......but there's also a good chance you'll enjoy his company and have a good time........if so, you can think about meeting again and starting to get to know one another - even so, until you feel he has demonstrated he's a "good guy" use caution and take it slow!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 August 2010):
 I don't think it can hurt. He's known your mutual friend long enough for her to feel comfortable around him. She's playing match maker, and that can be dangerous, but I think she honestly thinks she's helping both of you.
If you meet him, do it in a public place. Go to a restaurant or something so that you can be "alone" but not alone. After all, YOU don't know him yet, so don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. Still, you seem to be searching for reasons this won't work. What can it hurt to have a date with him. He could be great, and you'd miss out. I say give him a shot, but make sure your date is somewhere public. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, archiefreddy +, writes (17 August 2010):
 I think... If you think he's hot, and a nice person... Go for it! Bit in a group. Like say to him. I'll bring a few of my mates and u do the same or summit.
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