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... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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How can I learn to trust again after being abused??
Q. How do you learn to trust a new boyfriend after being in an emotionally abusive relationship?...
A. 8 April 2006: Ooh this one is never easy. It is hard to comment completely considering I don't know the full extent of the abuse and for how long.
I was in a long term relationship for almost 20 years up until last June and I still work with my ex every da... (read in full...)
I just want to kiss my brothers gf!!!
Q. hi, Im 16 and i have a problem. my bro is 27 and i fancy his 19 year old girlfriend. We get on so well together, and are much more alike then him and her. Sometimes i just want to kiss her and I have strong urges for her. I think she does for me ....
A. 8 April 2006: You need to ask yourself how much do you love your brother, OK so you are closer in age to his girlfriend than him but she knew what she was getting into when she decided to go out with him, i.e. the age difference which isn't huge at the end of the ... (read in full...)
I'm not really happy with my new boyfriend, now my ex wants me back and he makes me happy! Help me decide!!
Q. HI Cupid, BIG EMERGENCY QUESTION... I used to date this guy about 7 months ago i cheated oh him, yet I really didnt mean to cause i'm not that type of person that was the first time. I kept it from him for like 2 months and then he just dumped me a...
A. 7 April 2006: Personally I think an ex is just that. You cheated on him for one reason or another whether that was just a one off, if he was so perfect why did you cheat on him in the first place.
The fact that he said that he never wants to see you again an... (read in full...)
After I got drunk and got sick at his place things weren't the same...
Q. I met a wonderful guy in October and we were both very compatible. I drank a bit too much one night and a girlfriend dropped me to his place and I was not well. I have drunk as much on other occasions 5 glasses and not got sick.I think it may have ...
A. 7 April 2006: Listen it is very easy to say move on but feelings and emotions are really getting in the way. The man is still ringing you - why if he is not interested.
The only way forward is for when he rings you the next time just say to him that this is ... (read in full...)
My partner is wonderful and nice but his family and friends take advantage of him! It makes me upset that he won't put his foot down!
Q. I have been with my partner for 2 years now. We have been living together for 18 months. He is the kindest, most affectionate most thoughtful person i know, but therin also lies the problem. He is too soft. He lets his ex walk all over him, his g...
A. 6 April 2006: I would feel exactly the same as you if I had a man like your man.
He should have full access to his eldest daughter and should demand it before even talking to his ex wife, he has rights and if there is no doubts about him touching her in any w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to break-up because my parents don't like him!
Q. My boyfriend and I are having some problems. He wants to break up with me because my parents don't like him. I tell him that it shouldn't matter what they think as long as I love him. What should I do?...
A. 6 April 2006: I think the real question is how much pressure is being applied from your parents. Will they let him in the house?
How old are you both as well?
Do they feel that you are too young to make up your own mind?
Parental pressure is certain to p... (read in full...)
First she said I needed a lock on my door, then she said she won't if there are people in the house, now she needs a drink before we do it... What's her problem?
Q. hello people i aint been on for some time but i'm back and needing some advice my girlfriend is really leaving me confused. I've been with her for 1 year and 7 months and still not slept together, now she has already said by 8-9 months of being ...
A. 6 April 2006: Hi Joe
After reading your reply, I did read your second paragraph and I will reiterate what I suggested initially if this girl has the urges but does not feel like she can take it further then the one and only thing that is going to help the situ... (read in full...)
After I got drunk and got sick at his place things weren't the same...
Q. I met a wonderful guy in October and we were both very compatible. I drank a bit too much one night and a girlfriend dropped me to his place and I was not well. I have drunk as much on other occasions 5 glasses and not got sick.I think it may have ...
A. 6 April 2006: Has anything further happened with your man?
So sorry but I have only just found your reply as I did look but for some reason it wasn't displaying on my screen.
How are you feeling now?
Wait to hear from you.
Country Woman... (read in full...)
Is this typical for a widower?
Q. My question is this I met a guy who is a widower. We fell in love he said some things to me like we are soulmates and he has never felt this way before. He started talking about marriage we discussed this and we needed to think about what we ...
A. 6 April 2006: OK I fully understand that you are hurting right now and after you had made such wonderful plans you feel that this man has let you down which just takes you back to the emotional turmoil of your marriage.
I think in this instance you should a... (read in full...)
I 'm in a rut..and I need to get over this guy! any good advice?
Q. about a year ago i met a guy that i really liked. we had a relationship that lasted about 5 months but he eventually ended it by text. i have never really got over him but i wish i could as it makes me feel so down, and i have even hurt myself in ...
A. 5 April 2006: Listen you have nothing to be ashamed about. OK so you were 15, things happen and hormones cannot always be controlled, if you took care then stop beating yourself up about it emotionally wise I mean.
The fact that this guy ended it via text mea... (read in full...)
First she said I needed a lock on my door, then she said she won't if there are people in the house, now she needs a drink before we do it... What's her problem?
Q. hello people i aint been on for some time but i'm back and needing some advice my girlfriend is really leaving me confused. I've been with her for 1 year and 7 months and still not slept together, now she has already said by 8-9 months of being ...
A. 5 April 2006: After reading your reply I fully appreciate the fact that you love your girl and if you talk openly then why not get someone who does not have any agenda i.e. Relate or a couple counsellor to talk to you, you may think Relate is too much right now ... (read in full...)
My 'boyfriends' ex wants him back, we fancy eachother but should I slow things down?
Q. no-one has answered my last question so i'll make this letter a bit shorter. I'm seeing a man, Ive known him since Sept last year. After 3 dates he decided to not see me anymore because of his ex wanting him back, as he does have her child. He ...
A. 5 April 2006: It sounds to me like this man was confused about his feelings for his ex and loyalty because of the child. If he says that he wants to be with you then he should show it completely.
I think by the fact that you are not rushing anything with him... (read in full...)
Scared that my former model and current suburban queen of a mother will hate my tubby, scruffy, unemployed new man!
Q. so, i met this guy this past october. since then - and, initially, despite my reluctance - we've become extremely close ("close" meaning serious marriage talk). i never thought that i was capable of loving someone so strongly: not the problem. ...
A. 5 April 2006: I have to agree with the comments of the other writer, 25 is not a baby unless you are so controlled by your mother that you feel you need to justify your actions to her. Does she support you financially?
If you have no ties financially to your ... (read in full...)
First she said I needed a lock on my door, then she said she won't if there are people in the house, now she needs a drink before we do it... What's her problem?
Q. hello people i aint been on for some time but i'm back and needing some advice my girlfriend is really leaving me confused. I've been with her for 1 year and 7 months and still not slept together, now she has already said by 8-9 months of being ...
A. 5 April 2006: Sorry to say but this woman of yours is just playing games with you. If you have been with her for 1 year and 7 months and never actually had sex the question remains - why not?
When you are in a new relationship the one thing that you want to ... (read in full...)
We are taking things slowly but he never seems to have time for me. What can i do??
Q. I had been seeing a guy for 4 years and things started going wrong after a few years, then out of the blue he told me to leave (i lived with him) because he needed a break. I then find out a few months later he had seen another girl but not whil...
A. 2 April 2006: I think you are basically answering your own question really as this man has treated you badly in the past and the old chestnut about taking things slowly means to say that he wants to keep his options open so instead of you living with him he can ... (read in full...)
My ex contacts me during parts of the week, but am I just her back-up?
Q. Hey guys, Thanks for taking the time to answer all of my questions, you've all been hugely helpful. Anyway, here's another: I'm trying now my hardest to not contact my ex girlfriend, but here's my problem and it's actually a little annoying ...
A. 31 March 2006: Don't answer your phone or let it go onto an answer phone or voicemail. Do not be used and that is exactly what she is doing.
If she is free from Thursday through till Saturday then the new man is either seeing someone else or presumably working.... (read in full...)
I want to keep fighting for her love! I feel that we were meant to be-what do you think?
Q. Hey guys, I have a question to ask, asked a few before, so if you want to get a background on my breakup and questions about it, here's the links ... http://www.dea...
A. 31 March 2006: Personally I think you should hang fire on the contact thing, just over 2 days is not really no contact. 2 weeks and this is most definitely a no contact thing.
If she thinks you can live your life without being too clingy to her she will question... (read in full...)
My abusive alcoholic partner has destroyed me now I'm confused over my love for him!
Q. I have just recently got back together with the man that for four years after we split up I thought was the love of my life. We were together after he left his fiancee to be with me after we started an affair and I thought it was the real thing. ...
A. 30 March 2006: OK here is my honest answer to your question. Get out now before it is too late.
You are worth more than this and the fact that you are so untrusting of him is just going to drive you insane.
No one needs verbal or physical abuse and I thin... (read in full...)
I'm still in love with my ex, but now I have a new "friend" also!
Q. Hello,I'm in desperate need of help and advice concerning a problem to which I have posted before.It concerns my relationship with my boyfriend/exboyfriend.As I posted before,I'm currently 23 years old while he's 40.Because we're 17 years apart,he ...
A. 29 March 2006: Wow, you are hurting badly right now and your ex is not being fair to you.
If it is over then it should be over and you should be able to move forward. By him telling you that he misses you and wants to hold you and everything it is like a knife ... (read in full...)
How do I end this friendship!?
Q. Hey people, When you truely know a friendship is over how would you address it..been having problems with my best mate and i know that we are too different and this mate always accuse me off always talking about her..i know i don't mak...
A. 29 March 2006: You have to ask yourself how much has this person meant to me.
How did we become friends in the first place?
Do we share common interests or do we always argue?
If you can honestly say that you have been a good friend and so has she th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is letting his parents control his life and he "knows" it's wrong!
Q. A man i want to marry is from a very cultural family. He has to obey his parents. We both want to get married however his parents are against it, they want him to marry a cousin. However he wants to marry me. He has been fighting for me for 5 months ...
A. 29 March 2006: I think if your man loves you from whatever culture he is from then he will fight for you and that is exactly what he seems to be doing. I appreciate the fact that he keeps on letting you down and last minute changes to plans that you have made is ... (read in full...)
Is this typical for a widower?
Q. My question is this I met a guy who is a widower. We fell in love he said some things to me like we are soulmates and he has never felt this way before. He started talking about marriage we discussed this and we needed to think about what we ...
A. 29 March 2006: You are putting yourself through hell right now and if you accused him of lying and deceit or you got so mad that he saw a different side of you then he is doing what every other man does and staying quiet. He is no different to most men in that ... (read in full...)
Is this typical for a widower?
Q. My question is this I met a guy who is a widower. We fell in love he said some things to me like we are soulmates and he has never felt this way before. He started talking about marriage we discussed this and we needed to think about what we ...
A. 27 March 2006: Sounds to me that this man of yours is trying to protect his deceased wife's family from further pain as he has found new love and a woman who is extremely special to him.
He is scared of hurting his in-laws as it hasn't been a year yet and I th... (read in full...)
I want to keep fighting for her love! I feel that we were meant to be-what do you think?
Q. Hey guys, I have a question to ask, asked a few before, so if you want to get a background on my breakup and questions about it, here's the links ... http://www.dea...
A. 25 March 2006: My word you seem as though you have been putting yourself through hell for long enough.
At the end of the day you are young at 21 and your ex girlfriend is only 22. Yes you were in love with her and your relationship lasted for 15 months. If your ... (read in full...)
He won't have sex and he's crazy moody and nasty... Why?
Q. I have two problems in my relationship. One is that my boyfriend has gone right off sex recently and I haven't a clue why, I am lucky if I get to have sex with him once a week now and it used to be at least once a day!! I have been with him for ...
A. 25 March 2006: Listen at the end of the day you have somewhere you can come to and know that there are people here who will listen and try to help.
None of us are professionals but at the end of the day we all have life experiences so just take snippets and use ... (read in full...)
Should I continue the misery with my wife or hook up with the new spark?
Q. i'm 32 year old married for 5 years..actually i'm a bit hesitated to write but i'm really going crazy.like i said i married a woman 5 years ago after falling in love with her,life was ok in the beginning..we moved to another country "after 3 months ...
A. 25 March 2006: Your wife has now given you a response that she wants to somehow save your marriage and if she is saying that things can change then tell her that maybe it is all a little too late. Tell her that unless she agrees to the counselling you do not think ... (read in full...)
He keeps telling me I have mental problems. Is it me... Or is it him?
Q. I have been in a mentally abusive relationship for the past 9 years (i have been told by doctors this is what it is anyway)I met this man when i was 16 and we had a daughter when 1 was18 and he was 20. he can show her no affection and it seems to ...
A. 25 March 2006: I can only agree with the comments of Smeedle, this man of yours is not a nice man and by demeaning you and saying you have mental health problems, keeps you under his control and reliant on him.
If he has no interest in you or your daughter... (read in full...)
I am with the father of my sons but he is still very much married. What should I do??
Q. I am a single mother with 4 children, two of whom was from previous relationships. I am now with the father of my third and youngest sons. He is married but was separated from his wife few years back. Up until this time, I have a feeling that he ...
A. 25 March 2006: Considering your partner who you have two children with has been living with you for a few years now, I think it is quite reasonable to know what your future and your children's future has in store.
Perhaps the divorce from his wife is a monetary... (read in full...)
Is this typical for a widower?
Q. My question is this I met a guy who is a widower. We fell in love he said some things to me like we are soulmates and he has never felt this way before. He started talking about marriage we discussed this and we needed to think about what we ...
A. 25 March 2006: Hi
I have read what you have said about the man you love who you have now found out is a widower.
I have also fallen for a widower and at the moment we are friends but it was like an arrow into my heart the first day I saw him walk into the sc... (read in full...)
Should I continue the misery with my wife or hook up with the new spark?
Q. i'm 32 year old married for 5 years..actually i'm a bit hesitated to write but i'm really going crazy.like i said i married a woman 5 years ago after falling in love with her,life was ok in the beginning..we moved to another country "after 3 months ...
A. 21 March 2006: You have made the right decision by asking for help and rather than condemning you I think that you need to get your wife to go with you for counselling. There is Relate in the UK but there must be other forms in other countries and there is always ... (read in full...)
He won't have sex and he's crazy moody and nasty... Why?
Q. I have two problems in my relationship. One is that my boyfriend has gone right off sex recently and I haven't a clue why, I am lucky if I get to have sex with him once a week now and it used to be at least once a day!! I have been with him for ...
A. 21 March 2006: You have to ask yourself what your sex life has been like recently. Is it good for both of you are is there problems on either side. It could be that he feels that sex is not as pleasurable as it has been.
Once a day is normal at the start of... (read in full...)
The last date I went on was aged 18, seven years ago... What is wrong with me!?
Q. Dear Cupid, Is there something wrong with me? I just cannot get a date! The last date I went on was when I was 18, that was 7 years ago! I'm attractive (so my friends tell me, perhaps they are lying!), but, I am 40lbs overweight (which I am ...
A. 21 March 2006: If you feel unattractive then this will project to men.
Don't stress yourself out about getting a date, I am overweight by about 4 stone and I split with my ex last year after almost 20 years together. I have not been with a man in almost 4 years ... (read in full...)
The last date I went on was aged 18, seven years ago... What is wrong with me!?
Q. Dear Cupid, Is there something wrong with me? I just cannot get a date! The last date I went on was when I was 18, that was 7 years ago! I'm attractive (so my friends tell me, perhaps they are lying!), but, I am 40lbs overweight (which I am ...
A. 21 March 2006: If you feel unattractive then this will project to men.
Don't stress yourself out about getting a date, I am overweight by about 4 stone and I split with my ex last year after almost 20 years together. I have not been with a man in almost 4 years ... (read in full...)
My husband is leaving me for another woman. But still I have sex with him everyday!
Q. My husband of 21 years worked in CA for 2 years and met an older woman (he is 49, she is 58) who he now says he loves and has a great passion with her. He says he will be leaving me and our children (20, 18, 12) as soon as he sells our home (he says ...
A. 21 March 2006: I am really sorry about your situation but I have to say what are you doing?
You need to value yourself 10 times more than you do right now.
First of all stop the sex and get him out of your bed. If he is leaving then start to get angry and yo... (read in full...)
My husband has the best of all possible worlds, while I stay home, look after our kids and pay our bills!
Q. Let's see if I can make this short. September 05 my husband left to go help Katrina victims. The entire time he was gone he did not send any money to help me take care of our 3 kids. He met a lady that would "talk" to him and help him talk about ...
A. 21 March 2006: Seek help professionally, go and see what assistance you can get. See what your rights are as you and your children still need to keep a roof over your head and food on the table.
If your husband can take money away from his family and not put ... (read in full...)
Feel ugly and vulnerable about my body, probably because my ex. How do I get over this?
Q. Hi, I had a question about where you should draw the line when it comes to telling your boyfriend things about yourself... My bf and I have been going out for about nine months, and I told him that I feel self-conscious about my body, and that I w...
A. 21 March 2006: Your ex has a lot to answer for. He put you down and made you feel ugly and you now have a boyfriend who loves you for who you are and not what your belly looks like.
I think if you can afford it perhaps you should look into getting some counsell... (read in full...)
He takes an interest in and asks about me, and I'm very attracted. Problem is, he's married with kids...
Q. I work at a gas station, I've been there for almost a year. One of the guys that comes in to stock the soda is attractive funny and nice, he flirts with me and of course I flirt back. I'm 20 years old and he is 28. The only problem is that he ...
A. 21 March 2006: I can't help but feel that whilst you are crying out for help and advice for you to make a move on this married guy you really must resist.
A married man is just that, married and committed to his wife and family. Flirting goes on in all walks of... (read in full...)
Both my fiancee and I are virgins. I want our first sexual experience to be beautiful for us both!
Q. I am engaged to be married soon. My fiancee and I are very close and have been together for a long time. We're both virgins. I want our first sexual experience to be comfortable, enjoyable, and pleasurable for her. What can I do to make things ...
A. 21 March 2006: I think it is such a lovely and rare thing that both you and your fiancee have waited for the right time to have sex with one another. There are no expectations as neither one of you have experience of anyone else.
Like the other reader has sugg... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he bother to do anything special any more? He even cancelled on my birthday!
Q. I have been going out with my b/f for 7 months. In the beginning of the relationship we were all over each other, and although neither of us like talking on the phone, we talked often throughout the day. Then gradually the phone calls don't ev...
A. 21 March 2006: Well like you say you seem to have moved on already and the fact that he has not contacted you speaks a thousand words.
I wish you every best wish with the new man that will come along and make you think whatever did I see in this guy. Just sta... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he bother to do anything special any more? He even cancelled on my birthday!
Q. I have been going out with my b/f for 7 months. In the beginning of the relationship we were all over each other, and although neither of us like talking on the phone, we talked often throughout the day. Then gradually the phone calls don't ev...
A. 16 March 2006: So sorry it has been so long since your last message but had problems with computer. Unfortunately as he is not asking his phone or texts etc standing around outside his house does seem quite desperate even though you may not feel that way it... (read in full...)
Is this post-natal depression, or something else?
Q. This isn't really about relationships as such. I think I may be suffering from post natal depression. Are there any signs I should be looking out for? I got really bad baby blues when my baby was 4 days old. I wanted my partner with me but he was ...
A. 17 February 2006: Hi after reading your comments and others and my previous advice, I think yes if you have seen the affects of anti depressants yourself then of course you have serious concerns. I was once on Prozac due to severe back pain and they did make me... (read in full...)
Is this post-natal depression, or something else?
Q. This isn't really about relationships as such. I think I may be suffering from post natal depression. Are there any signs I should be looking out for? I got really bad baby blues when my baby was 4 days old. I wanted my partner with me but he was ...
A. 12 February 2006: I suffered with post natal depression for over 2 years before anyone actually listened to me, including my then partner. If you don't feel like you are getting the support and your baby is only 7 months old then yes it sounds to me like you could ... (read in full...)
After I got drunk and got sick at his place things weren't the same...
Q. I met a wonderful guy in October and we were both very compatible. I drank a bit too much one night and a girlfriend dropped me to his place and I was not well. I have drunk as much on other occasions 5 glasses and not got sick.I think it may have ...
A. 12 February 2006: This man who once said you were in a committed relationship just saw you in a different light the night you were unwell. Did you ever discuss it fully? Get to the core of the problem by asking him outright and say to him that you think you need him ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he bother to do anything special any more? He even cancelled on my birthday!
Q. I have been going out with my b/f for 7 months. In the beginning of the relationship we were all over each other, and although neither of us like talking on the phone, we talked often throughout the day. Then gradually the phone calls don't ev...
A. 7 February 2006: If your boyfriend has never taken you out unfortunately he does not want to admit that you are a couple, if the intimacy levels were there in the beginning but after only 7 months things have cooled to this level then cut and run. I had 19 and a... (read in full...)
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