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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I had a question about where you should draw the line when it comes to telling your boyfriend things about yourself...My bf and I have been going out for about nine months, and I told him that I feel self-conscious about my body, and that I would have him rather not touch the area around my stomach where I feel the most anxious about, and he asked why because he loved my body. He told me my stomach never bothered him at all...but I don't want to look so weak in front of him, like anxious about him touching my body--I just feel pathetic telling him about my fears or maybe too vulnerable is a better word.I did have a bad ex who said I had an ugly body, I guess that has a lot to do with it, but does anyone know how I can get over this fear of being vulnerable in front of my bf? thanks a lot
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female
reader, Carr1e +, writes (21 March 2006):
Hi,
I think the first step in feeling better about your body is realising that your ex's comments about your body, weren't made because you had an 'ugly' body as you say, it was about control, he felt scared that you would leave him and find someone else and knew that by damaging your confidence that he could prevent that from happening. Its sad that people are wired this way but its good that you have now found someone that knows that a healthy relationship is based on love and respect.
Secondly to work on your image of yourself, stop putting yourself down, its far too easy to obsess about a part of your body that you dont feel is perfect, but no one is perfect. I used to have a real confidence problem, but now every morning i wake up and tell myself something nice in the mirror, and i make the best of my favourite features like my eyes and smile.
Thirdly if you are genuinely unhappy a part of your body and want improve upon it (for you and only you) and if you feel this would help you with your confidence then maybe join a gym to tone up a little.
At the end of the day your boyfriend loves you and I can guarantee you that he will feel like the lucky one that he has managed to catch a girl like you. Dont feel anxious about letting your guard down and letting him in, because when we can be vunerable with someone who truly loves us, you will have a secure happy relationship.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (21 March 2006):
 Your ex has a lot to answer for. He put you down and made you feel ugly and you now have a boyfriend who loves you for who you are and not what your belly looks like.
I think if you can afford it perhaps you should look into getting some counselling like relate who can also put you in touch with sexual counsellors. You can either go on your own or with your new boyfriend as he seems as though he wants to work through this with you.
You will always feel awkward about your body until you address it properly. Talking about things helps and it will make you stronger. You have been put down emotionally and you need to get yourself mentally strong again.
Don't rish losing your new boyfriend over this but do get professional advice initially and take it from there.
Good luck!!
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