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female
,
*uze
writes: My husband of 21 years worked in CA for 2 years and met an older woman (he is 49, she is 58) who he now says he loves and has a great passion with her. He says he will be leaving me and our children (20, 18, 12) as soon as he sells our home (he says I can't afford to make the mortgage (true) on my own and it gets us out of debt. He tells me he is taking care of financial business and will not leave me financially devastated. I have asked him to leave now but he won't. What is going on here? Is this a mid-life crisis? He sleeps with me and still has sex (everyday) with me - what am I doing in this relationship? Should I hope marriage will work out or should I get real?
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female
reader, Tell it like it is! +, writes (22 March 2006):
Stop the sex right now, tell him to move out of your bed, he can't have his cake and eat it, pull youself together and go out on the town, show him you don't care and will never take him back, do u wnt ur children thinking, what hes doing is right? no, don't hope 4 the best, do somethoing about it, make him move out, if he wants to so bad then why not? take him to the cleaners love, no one can treat u lik a doormat and get away with it!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): Stop the sex for a start!!!!!!He is making all the decisions here and that is not right.You make a few. He doesn't deserve love from you so don't let him take it. By saying no right now you are making him face up to the enormity of this situation. He will then realise he is really ending a lifelong marriage and begin to take responsiblity for that.If he leaves you the finances can be worked out but your broken heart and spirit will take a lot more to come to terms with. You will need to look back at this time and know you acted with dignity. protect yourself. seek help and advice.New love rarely survives the wreckage of a broken family,and when his 'other woman' 'gets him' she'll have to deal with the fact that she helped cause all this pain.I'm sorry for you, but please don't give him any more of your heart, let him know you have your pride.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (21 March 2006):
 I am really sorry about your situation but I have to say what are you doing?
You need to value yourself 10 times more than you do right now.
First of all stop the sex and get him out of your bed. If he is leaving then start to get angry and you will get stronger.
You need to get legal advice as you have 3 children, admittedly some of them are older but you have rights. Percentage of house sales is not just 50/50% as you have the children and I take it that they are not leaving with him. The percentage sways in your favour when you have children that are living with you.
Also he has a committment to pay maintenance to you for your children. I don't how it works outside of the UK but if he is working then over in the UK the Child Support Agency can deduct a set amount from your husbands wage each month and pay this directly to you. Do not take everything he says as gospel as he is looking out for himself and you need to know what you are entitled to.
There must be a free advice service that you can check out or go online at your local library and see what that brings up.
You are being walked all over and your children will see this and think that mum is a soft touch. He has lied to you now for some time and saying that he would not leave you financially strained is not something I would trust.
Do your children know that their dad is leaving?
Talk to your children and see how they feel about it all.
Go and get counselling as this will make you stronger as well.
Whilst he can have his cake and eat it he will not hurry to move out and all the time he could be scheming against you with the sale of your home and just biding his time till it is right for him.
Good luck.
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