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female
,
anonymous
writes: How do you learn to trust a new boyfriend after being in an emotionally abusive relationship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (8 April 2006):
 Hey there pet,
You can learn to Love again its all about Trust and Honesty, and by proving to the other (abusive) guy that you can do it..
That is your goal and you can do it..
I think the best thing for you to do is do what I did, take things on a friendship base as a starting point that way you can judge whether or not you are attracted to the person...
If you are really frightened then it does help to get a little friendly advice from a trained councellor, as you may find that you push Love away and you dont want to do that.. Your GP will put you in contact with one...
Please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed, everyone needs some help at some point in some way or another, You are half way there by finding someone new...And you can learn to trust...
Good Luck and Keep Smiling :)
Jacqueline
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (8 April 2006):
 It can be very difficult to trust anyone after what you have been through it takes time. trust can take a;on got build up basically I always find that counseilling can help
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (8 April 2006):
 Ooh this one is never easy. It is hard to comment completely considering I don't know the full extent of the abuse and for how long.
I was in a long term relationship for almost 20 years up until last June and I still work with my ex every day.
It was an emotionally abusive relationship and the inner scars take a long time to heal, much more than physical abuse as those scars do heal.
I think you need to get some good counselling if you can stretch to it. You can go to a counsellor on your own and maybe not too many sessions. It helps you to become stronger and if that is not possible perhaps go and see your doctor and tell him how you feel depressed and see if you can get to see a pyschiatric nurse on the NHS, I went to see one for a while and it is not for loony cases but it helps you to see things more clearly and address any depression you may be carrying around with you.
Don't push yourself too hard initially, start small and plenty of talking is the key to trusting again.
Don't always think that all men are the same as they are not.
Does your new boyfriend know about the old relationship? If yes, then talk it through with him and tell him your fears as you are scared about anyone being like that with you again.
If you haven't told him then you should it is only fair that he knows as I am sure he would be appauled to hear how badly you have been treated in the past.
Time is the healer and learning to trust again is the hard part but just take each day as it comes and don't plan too much and give yourself small goals to start with and you will be amazed how much you can achieve even in a few months.
Never forget to remember yourself and do nice things for you whether that is sitting and reading, listening to music, going to get your hair or nails done or going for a massage. Doing something that makes you feel good is a tonic in itself and never deprive yourself as this also helps the healing process and when you feel and look good people notice it and compliment you and the buzz from that can help with the emotional abuse you have suffered from previously.
Best wishes and good luck.
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