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female
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*eenthere
writes: This isn't really about relationships as such. I think I may be suffering from post natal depression. Are there any signs I should be looking out for? I got really bad baby blues when my baby was 4 days old. I wanted my partner with me but he was out and hadn't taken his phone so I couldn't get in touch. Of course, even though he didn't know this would happen so it wasn't his fault, I felt really upset about it. I don't know if that, and other problems I've had with him have added to my problem. My son is now 7 months old but I still feel sad all the time and i'm really lonely. I don't feel as though I have friends and I feel like my partner is making an effort to push me away. Sometimes I have good reason to be upset with my partner but iI don't know if I feel the way I do just because of that or if it is depression. I sometimes take my anger for my partner out on my children. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (17 February 2006):
 Hi after reading your comments and others and my previous advice, I think yes if you have seen the affects of anti depressants yourself then of course you have serious concerns.I was once on Prozac due to severe back pain and they did make me feel really weird. When my doctor and health visitor suggested anti depressants I was dead set against them, well especially Prozac. I went onto the main ingredient of Prozac instead and I maintained that I was not going on them for a long term period, I weened myself off them and went down mainly the natural route.St. John's Wort is OK but I think if you want to try it then go the whole hog i.e. in conjunction with Evening Primrose Oil and maybe a herbal tablet such as a Kalm or Quiet Life - produced by Lanes, there are also night time ones and these are non drowsy so you will still be OK for listening out for your children. Get yourself some decent multi vitamins as well - obviously depends on if you are still feeding your baby yourself or not as some women feed for longer than others. I also have found that a decent vitamin called Busy B helps as well as it is a slow release vitamin B tablet. Holland and Barrett staff are extremely helpful. All tablets cost but decent ones are worth their weight in gold. You may even get some free on prescription as your baby is only 7 months old so check with your doctor.Good luck and your doctor could make an appointment with a psychiatric nurse for you on NHS, you will have to wait for the appt but you are not a psycho and never believe that either. They listen to you and help you, honestly.
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (15 February 2006):
beenthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno i wasn't offended at all. i came here for advice and that's what you have given. how can i be offended by that?
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (15 February 2006):
 Jesus
You really have been thru the wars and my heart goes out to you. I fully understand you have issues with medicines due to what you have witnessed and what you ahve been thru.
But I can only speak from experience and I can honestly say that if I hadn't have had counselling combined with medication I genuinely belive that I would not be here now.
I think if you are adverse to medication then you MUST find a health professional you can talk to who will help you thru this time. Somebody outside your family who understands and becomes a help.
I hope you were not offended at my suggesting Anti-d's. But like I said, they helped me tremendously and in the right cases they really work.
I am sorry you are going thru what you are suffering and hope it all comes together for you.
xx
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (15 February 2006):
beenthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni also feel that the other medicines you refer to have pros which outweigh the cons. from personal experiences, i can not see this with anti-ds.
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (15 February 2006):
beenthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni didn't get this information from the media. i have worries because of the affects i have seen in my father and my best friend. my best friend tried to commit suicide several times while on anti-ds and my father also became much worse. also, i have never even taken a headache tablet.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (15 February 2006):
If you are truely clinically depressed then antidepressants can really help. St John's wort has shown some good results in tests, but is also a from of anti d too, and it has been shown to work for some people - although it didn't for me.
The side effects you can get with anti d's are often blown up out of all proprtion in the media , so stop reading the likes of the daily Mail!
If you took tablets then you would be monitored and your HV would help you with any other problems you might have.
My counsellor said this to me
"If you had diabetes you would use insulin, if you ahd epilepsy you would take an antiepileptic, if you ahd eczema you would use a topical cream. So why the problem with taking antidepressants if you are depressed?"
I do not advocate the use of drugs for mild cases of the blues, but if you are clinically depressed they can be a lifesaver (literally) in most cases.
Talk to somone, and discuss your worries and fears with them and I wish you luck.x
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (13 February 2006):
beenthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou. i will try to speak to my HV about it. I am slightly worried about going on anti-ds though as i have seen some of the worst affects they can have. i have heard that st.johns wort is a good natural remedy. i'll find out about it nut just wondered if any one has tried taht?
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (12 February 2006):
I suffered with post natal depression for over 2 years before anyone actually listened to me, including my then partner. If you don't feel like you are getting the support and your baby is only 7 months old then yes it sounds to me like you could well be suffering from post natal depression.If you go to bed and get plenty of sleep and still wake up absolutely exhausted then yes it it post natal depression. Mine went on for 2 years and it wasn't until a friend's child died that my health visitor actually listened to me. I went to the doctor and ended up on anti depressants which help you cope and also went to see a physiactric nurse, it turned out that the problems were in my relationship as my partner was cheating on me but he did not know how to help me with the depression.If your partner is steering clear he is frightened and probably feels like he can't help. Get yourself to your doctor as I felt suicidal and getting angry with your children could lead to much worse. Admit to yourself that you need help but get it from the professionals and do it asap please! For your sake and your children's.
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (11 February 2006):
beenthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx "i no how you feel". i have thought a few times about committing suicide. thank goodness for the love of my kids or i wouldn't be here! i have already self harmed. my partner and his mum asked how i had got the massive cuts on the back of my hand. i had to tell them i didn't know. i was scared to tell them the truth.
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (11 February 2006):
beenthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou willywombat. that is kind of how i have been feeling but difficult for me to put into words. i have often felt like i just want to walk away, leave everything behind. i feel like this even when my baby is perfectly ok. happy and not crying, etc. i think my partner and i have some serious issues which we need to resolve and i am sure this is making the situation worse. i had a lot more support with my first child(from a previous relationship). his dad was there as often as he could be and i knew at the time that he wanted us. the weird thing is that we were 18/19 then. now i'm 25 and my partner is 29.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (11 February 2006):
I suffered with quite serious post-natal depression after the birth of my son and it didn't start to kick in until he was 3 months old.
My life felt pointless, I would look at my son and cry and think my life was over. I felt fat and frumpy and was convinced my partner was going to leave me. I was a bad mother and my son didn't love me, I had problems sexually and sleeping.I felt like I was being taken for granted, wife mother and slave. Nobody could consol me when I spent 50% of my time arguing , angry or crying. At one point I left the house at 3 in the morning in my slippers and an old dress just to get away form everything! I blamed every bad and negative feeeling I ahd on my son and my hubby, when really I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. Yes, we had the usual problems that new parents have, but nothing a few nights out or some sleep wouldn't have sorted. But this was indogenous, this came from me and it was the scariest feeling in the world.
I saw my health visitor, and GP and with counselling and antidepressants I got my life back in order. It took a while but the main thing that helped was talking to somebody who really LISTENED and reassured me that this was *normal*. As in it is not that rare.
Ask for help, go and seek advice. Dont let another day pass by were you dont enjoy your child and relationship. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Help works and you should get some.
I wish you luck, and hope you keep us updated on how you feel.
xxx
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female
reader, i no how u feel  +, writes (11 February 2006):
hi i think that you should go and talk to your community health nurse or your doctor. Don't be embarressed and think your a bad mother its perfectly normal. I had post natal depression but was to scared to admit it. I put off telling anyone until my daughter was 18 months old and my daughter and my partner suffered for that. Symptoms are Uncontrolable mood swings, crying for no reason, having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, getting angry at your baby for no reason, feeling lost or lonley. Please talk to someone the best thing i ever did was go on medication, i no longer yell at my daughter for no reason and my partner doesnt have to suffer through my mood swings. Goodluck and don't forget your not alone :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): i attend a lot of groups with my baby. i did the same with my older child. i just seem to find it hard to make friends and i don't have many in the first place. i lost touch with many college friends and the friends i do still see are all free and single and don't seem to understand my situation. i am often the only one who doesn't get invited anywhere because i have to say no so often people just don't bother any more. my partner is willing to have the children when he is at home if i want to go out but as he doesn't know when he'll be at work from one week to the next i have to do everything short notice. i would like to be myself but i don't think i've ever known what that is or how to be it. i've been a full time mum since i was 19 and didn't have much of a life before that.
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female
reader, lori +, writes (1 February 2006):
i dont think this is post-natal depression i think there are issues that need dealing with like some time to yourself ask your family to help you or ask your partner to take the kids off your hands for a few hours you need a break a nice bubble bath do your nails and makeup and go to lunch with a friend its all to real to forget who you really are your just seen as the mum or house keeper and partner that keeps it together remember you were born to live your life not get tied up with other peoples and your kids should not rule what you do become you again give yourself some space relax and chill out you will appreciate your kids more and they will realise that your not just living for them look for a family centre in your area where you can meet other people in the same situation they also have professionals that you can talk your proplems through with
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