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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a single mother with 4 children, two of whom was from previous relationships. I am now with the father of my third and youngest sons. He is married but was separated from his wife few years back. Up until this time, I have a feeling that he will leave me since he still is very much married. We often have fights about this and he constantly reassures me that he will never leave but who knows what will happen in te future. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 March 2006):
 Considering your partner who you have two children with has been living with you for a few years now, I think it is quite reasonable to know what your future and your children's future has in store.
Perhaps the divorce from his wife is a monetary issue and he doesn't know how to put it.
If you truly want to move forward with your life then you have to decide whether pushing the point about the divorce is worth losing your partner or not. If he is going to continue carrying on the way he is then there is not much you can do about it.
I was with my ex for 19 and a half years and never married and we have a 5 year old together and we split last June. I always believed in marriage and he never did but we came close a few times.
Perhaps your partner feels that considering one marriage has failed he does not want to repeat it and if he divorced his wife then there would be no excuse to not marry you. While he remains married then the stopping point is 'oh dear can't as I am still married and haven't got my divorce yet'.
Decide whether the security of marriage is all it's cracked up to be, you could get wills drawn up instead which would give you and your children a sense of security or find out your legal standing considering he is with you now. Depends on whether your partner agrees to this and just continue to talk to him or go to Relate instead if he agrees as they will see each side of this objectively.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006): Throw him out and live off benefits!
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 March 2006):
 Tell him to make up his mind which one of you he wants, then if it is you, tell him to get divorced.
This way you will know for certain that he is committed to you and your children, stop him having all this choice.
Ultimatum time is the only way you are ever going to feel secure in this relationship.
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