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male
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*hredordie
writes: Hey guys, I have a question to ask, asked a few before, so if you want to get a background on my breakup and questions about it, here's the links ...http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-got-too-jealous-and-lost-my-girlfriend.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-i-stick-around-long-enough-will-she.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-she-keeping-me-on-the-back-burner.htmlOk, so I'm still having intense feelings for this girl, and I really do feel like she is the one. She is seeing somebody else right now (right after we got into a fight after the breakup because I wasn't giving her enough space). We're on spring break right now, and I've been trying to restrain myself from contacting her too much. Anyway, we were both going into New York to see a friend's band play, and she said she would call me so her and her roomate could hang with me and my friend in the city, long story short, no phonecall. We didn't hang out, but I did see her and her roomate at the show, and I talked to her a little bit and we got along great. Me and my friend were having some people back at our hotel for a bit after the show, and my ex asked me if her and her roomate could come, and I said sure. She also asked me if they could crash there for the night because she didn't think they could make the train in time. I said sure, we have two double beds, you two can share mine and I'll just sleep on the floor. I was really hoping that she could stay and party with us for a while and then stay the night, but I think her roomate was a little uncomfortable and wanted to head back to my ex's place, so they ended up leaving after a bit to catch the train. I'm trying to give her space and not talk to her too much, just trying to play it cool, but when we do hang out, it's always a lot of fun! It's so hard not to try flirting with her though, because she'll get mad and I don't want to push her any further away. At the same time, I don't want to loser forever to this new guy (I really think that it will be a rebound and it doesn't really seem like they have anything in common -we have everything in common).If you don't know why we broke up, you can read the first link, but just a quick breakdown - We spent too much time together and weren't independent of eachother enough, and I was too jealous. When she told me we had to work on things toward the end of our relationship, I really tried my hardest to work on things, but I was scared to lose her, and at a few parties I got drunk and said some things I didn't mean. That was the last straw for her, she decided that I wasn't going to change, and she ended it, although she says she still loves me and maybe someday we can try it again if she hasn't found something better with someone new.Since then it's gone back and forth between good and bad, mostly good but again, she's involved with some new rebound guy. Should I even bother to talk to her at all about "us" and the things we shared? I've written a lot of letters, poems, etc. but have never sent them, I feel like she will just get angry if I do. I would like to send her one particular one though, maybe after a little bit of time. Is this a bad idea??? I want to keep fighting for her love! I really feel that we were meant to be!
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (31 March 2006):
 Personally I think you should hang fire on the contact thing, just over 2 days is not really no contact. 2 weeks and this is most definitely a no contact thing.
If she thinks you can live your life without being too clingy to her she will question why you haven't contacted her. Do you always make all the moves in the contact? If yes, then leave off and see if she makes a move.
Being elusive means just that, don't always be available and looking like a long lost puppy. Women do like what they can't always have. Your jealousy and wanting to be with her all the time drove her in the opposite direction so learn from it and keep yourself busy with friends and go out and just enjoy yourself.
When you next speak say that you have been out with friends and had a whale of a time and there was a huge crowd of you, mention a really attractive girl's name that was there and say how much you got on with her. Just plant the seed and leave it there. If this ex of yours really wants you back she will hate it if you are moving on without her as she will think ooh what am I missing out on.
Good luck and keep up the no contact, I know it must be hard but keep yourself busy with other things, the gym, cinema or a sport or just going out for a drink (not too many) but you know what I mean.
BFN
A
male
reader, shredordie +, writes (27 March 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnymore advice? I'm doing well with the no contact thing (2 days with none, than a little bit the third day). How should I go about asking her to hang out, or should I just not bother? When I take her out to the game, is a gift out of the question?
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A
male
reader, shredordie +, writes (25 March 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks a bunch. I always feel better after getting everybody's feedback. I know I should probably cut back on the contact, but I don't want to lose the closeness that we share, should she decide not to make much of an effort to stay friends. We are supposed to go out to a baseball game together in April, right after Easter. I'd like to use that as an excuse to get her a small sentimental gift (she likes dreamcathers, so that's what I was thinking) however, I fear that this would maybe push her away more??? Also, how much contact is too much? She hasn't really made an effort to keep in touch with me over spring break, but I have sent her a few texts, we talked on the phone once, and I saw her in New York. I havn't heard from her since Thursday night, and I want to call her, but we're both headed back to school on Sunday so maybe I should just lay back and see if she tries to get in touch once we're back at school. Also, she's not too far (2 and a half hour drive maybe) but her new boyfriend is across the country (although he does goes to school with us). Anyone have any experience with long distance rebound relationships?
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 March 2006):
My word you seem as though you have been putting yourself through hell for long enough.
At the end of the day you are young at 21 and your ex girlfriend is only 22. Yes you were in love with her and your relationship lasted for 15 months. If your ex says how great you are and kissing you etc when you give her a cab fare then she is giving you mixed signals. Sounds to me like you paying for a cab was what she was grateful for, don't be used under any circumstances as you will become a cash machine otherwise.
I am not sure if your ex is a girl who likes to have the attention from you but is also keen to keep her options open by dating other guys. She knows how much you love her and this could possibly be a great buzz for her too knowing that you are just waiting in the wings for her to click her fingers as you will go gallopping.
OK so the jealousy was there in abudance on your side and was escalated when you got drunk, the green eyed monster must have been awoken for one reason or another and if you don't trust her then you never will.
Get yourself out and about and keep your letters, poems etc and if she wants you back let her do the running. Be a little bit elusive. Make yourself busy if she happens to suggest anything in the future. Don't be the one to always suggest something.
You may find someone new and your ex becomes obscenely jealous. Don't use someone new but don't be a puppy waiting for the scraps off the table either. You may find someone who wants you as much as you want them and by then it could be too late for your ex to enter back into your life.
Enjoy life now, you are young and should be having fun.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Bobby198 +, writes (25 March 2006):
I am currently in the same position, almost, the girl of my dreams left me for no real reason or unless she doesnt want to see me and whenever she is to answer yes to one of my questions, its "I guess" too. You might think that their is nobody who loves a girl as much as you love her, but let me tell you, I know how bad it feels.. sometimes I want rip my heart out because I can't stand the pain anymore, and other days I just want to drivve over to her house and tell her I love her so much and want to hold her in my arms, just to remember all the good times. All she tells me if I want to see her or meet up with friends is maybe or we'll see, I've left her space for a while now maybe a month and a half and yesterday I asked her if I could call her, and she accepted, well see where this ends up I'll keep you posted Good luck
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