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female
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anonymous
writes: I have just recently got back together with the man that for four years after we split up I thought was the love of my life. We were together after he left his fiancee to be with me after we started an affair and I thought it was the real thing.We split up after about 10 months as he was so work obsessed and drank a lot. We still remained friends though and we still slept together occasionally even after I found out that when we got together he had been fooling around with his ex behind my back.Then he fell in love with an older woman and I mean he fell hard but that ended and he came back to me as he said that I was the only one that was always there for him.Now we have bad arguments, I dont trust him, I stress when he's not with me, I check his phone and wallet, ring him constantly and get worried when he doesn't answer his phone.He also had a bad drinking problem still and is verbally abusive when he is drunk, he has also hit me a couple of times after a massive argument but I have hit him back.What should I do?. Im always upset, I cry all the time and I am back on the anti-depressants. This is the guy who I thought I would love forever. Im just so confused.Can someone please give me an honest answer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): god i was u for 18 yrs i am now out of it get out he came back cause u were the only qone that would take him back i know you think you love him but u don'y it's an addiction please get help get away from him it will never get any better only worse
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (30 March 2006):
 OK here is my honest answer to your question. Get out now before it is too late.
You are worth more than this and the fact that you are so untrusting of him is just going to drive you insane.
No one needs verbal or physical abuse and I think you have been used for long enough.
Don't devalue yourself that much as there are decent men out there who would not treat you in this way.
I know for a fact that you would come off your anti depressants so much quicker if this man was not in your life.
Get yourself out and about with female friends and give yourself time to heal from this relationship and just concentrate on doing good things for yourself.
Get yourself active like cycling, going to the gym, reading or gardening or whatever you are interested in. If it is dancing get a friend to go to some dance classes with you or just get yourself out to the cinema with a female friend and start to live again.
Remember how things used to be before this man started to treat you badly and stay strong in mind and body and things will only get better.
I have never been in a physically abusive relationship but I tolerated a lot of mental cruelty for almost 20 years and my relationship ended last June, unfortunately I still work with my ex on a daily basis but if he tries to control me now I can tell him to go home. We have a daughter together and it makes me strong every day just to make sure that she does end up being in a relationship where she feels low and manipulated.
Get help with some counselling maybe via your doctor. When you are on anti depressants as I was after my daughter was born and then when depression kicked in big time I saw a psychiatric nurse which I had via my doctor. You could go to a counsellor separately if you can afford it, it would cost anywhere between £30 - £40 a session for about an hour.
Just keep talking to friends and family and certainly get yourself away from this man as he does not love you to treat you in this way no matter what he says.
Go online and chat to men if you want to but just keep it at friendship and always be wary as there are some unscrupulous people out there as I know all too well like people who want to scam you for money. If you decide to meet up with anyone go to a crowded place and let someone know where you are but do live again and don't be frightened that there is no one out there apart from this one man.
Good luck and either myself or others are here to listen and give advice as they see it.
BFN
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