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female
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*tomic
writes: I have two problems in my relationship. One is that my boyfriend has gone right off sex recently and I haven't a clue why, I am lucky if I get to have sex with him once a week now and it used to be at least once a day!! I have been with him for 4 and a half years and I am totally clueless! It is highly unlikely that he is seeing someone else because I am always with him anf he rarely gets enough to time to be cheating on me!! Please can you help?Also, he has started been really moody with me and nasty and has tantrums at me and I can't take it anymore. I really want us to work and he says he does too but I don't know what to do about this. I do whatever I can to help with this and even he says he doesn't know what's wrong with him, advice anyone??? T.I.A Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 March 2006):
 Listen at the end of the day you have somewhere you can come to and know that there are people here who will listen and try to help.
None of us are professionals but at the end of the day we all have life experiences so just take snippets and use the information you want.
No one ever said relationships are easy so just be patient and keep yourself busy if you are not seeing him. He is very young and I am assuming you are too. Just enjoy life right now and don't get bogged down with serious things, life is too short for that. You are young and life is for living.
BFN
A
female
reader, atomic +, writes (21 March 2006):
atomic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys, I will take the advice you've given me. He kicks off at me and then later on he'll apologise, but to be quite honest, I'm sick of his apologies and having to accept it all the time and I've told him that. He just keeps saying he'll try and chill out a bit.
As for work and money problems, I think you are right, however, he's only 22 years old and doesn't haven't any committments other than his car (which does need a lot of money spending on it to repair) but surely this can't be the only reason he's been so horrible...??
Maybe he does need a bit of time on his own, not that he doesn't get any though! He does get quite a bit of time on his own, he works weekends so I don't see him at all over weekend until about 7pm at night and not at all on a Monday.
Well thanks again you guys, it's great having a man and woman's point of view, appreciate it a lot, I'll keep you informed...x
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (21 March 2006):
You have to ask yourself what your sex life has been like recently. Is it good for both of you are is there problems on either side. It could be that he feels that sex is not as pleasurable as it has been.
Once a day is normal at the start of a relationship or even more than that. When you get into the routine of a relationship things do change.
Stress from work like the other reader has said plus money worries can totally affect anyone for them to go off sex. The fact that he is moody could indicate a whole number of things. He could be unwell at the moment but does not want to worry you. Obviously talking to him is making him worse at the moment hence the moods.
Sometimes it is better for men to be left alone and don't feel like you are constantly on at him as he will see this as nagging. Women love to talk and men don't.
If you both want to save your relationship perhaps suggest at a quiet time Relate or some other form of counselling. There is sexual counselling as well that Relate can put you onto if they feel it is needed.
If your sex life is always the same then spice it up a little, dressing up or wearing nice shoes, make up etc can always thrill both of you. Don't pressurise it let it happen naturally.
Just talk to him calmly and don't start getting angry with him, stay the strong one and see if he opens up. If he doesn't then perhaps there are other reasons why he doesn't want to talk and no one can answer that but him.
If you spend every minute together perhaps it is just too much time together. Suggest he meets a friend for a drink or go out with him to another setting like a meal or a drink somewhere and say that you are really worried and you want to help if he will let you and see what happens.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (21 March 2006):
 Well you need to find out what is wrong by doing a bit of detective work. It sounds to me like he is under some kind of stress or pressure which he is either in denial to himself about or he feels he has to keep hidden from you.
Obviously it is hard to sit behind a computer screen and tell what that is but start with the obvious things, work, family, money worries, that kind of thing. Is it possible he is feeling like he needs some of his own space? It is going to be hard if he won't open up about what is causing this since only then can you begin to deal with it together.
Maybe he simply needs a break and there are loads of little things at, for example, work that are niggling and mounting up. If that is the case then maybe you could plan a short-break maybe just a weekend away of some kind to let off some steam. The key thing here is that you both communicate fully. Hope that helps.
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