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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a mentally abusive relationship for the past 9 years (i have been told by doctors this is what it is anyway)I met this man when i was 16 and we had a daughter when 1 was18 and he was 20. he can show her no affection and it seems to have no interest in her.i have been left with no confidence.friends as he will not socialize with me or include me and our daughter at all.Saying this i got myself a cleaning job and met a girl we became good friends and she took me out.i met lots of people and men showed interest in me this was 4 yrs ago and am discusted to say i was less than faithful i completely regret this as i now have even less confidence and feel guilty u may say i get what i deserve but i have done everything to try and please this man and am not a bad person please give me some advice i want to move on but he says he loves me.for my daughters sake i need to do something he keeps telling ne i have mental health problems and i dont know anymore.HaveI?Is it me? or is is him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): Get reading and get yourself clued up on your rights. Womens Aid is a good site. womensaid.org
A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (25 March 2006):
 Hey there..
No and No.. You do not have mental health problems..
You have been treated very very badly, this is not how a Loving Relationship should be..
You should be able to settle down and talk to your partner
and unwind from the stresess and strains of daily life, but you have not been given the chance to do this..
I feel you that you have been through enough and that you need to get out of the relationship you are in, for your daughters sake, you dont want a child growing up in that kind of environment...
You shouldnt feeel guilty for taking interest in other men, or carrying a guilt for this either, its very common.. You are not getting the Love and Support that you need from your partner and are constantly being told you have mental health problems...
I sugget that you leave this man and save yourself and your daughter alot of grief... Alot of people out there are single mums and its not such a bad thing...
I wish you the best of luck in everything you choose to do...
Jacqueline
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006): I am 7 months pregnant by my partner of 4 years. It's a little girl. I also found out yesterday that he cheated on me about 4 months ago. At the moment I am shattered. All I can say is, don't stay with him out of fear that you won't find somebody else. Although it is important that he accepts your child, first and foremost he has to accept you. I've also had tremendous heartache in my life, but there are good men out there and every woman deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and love. Nothing less. It also seems that you're still young, like me (I'm only 26), there is plenty of time left to find somebody and establish a secure and loving relationship. As hard as it is to accept, you're probably better off without him. XXXX
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 March 2006):
 I can only agree with the comments of Smeedle, this man of yours is not a nice man and by demeaning you and saying you have mental health problems, keeps you under his control and reliant on him.
If he has no interest in you or your daughter then it is understandable that you sought solace elsewhere. I am not saying that having affairs or anything is right but I can understand that the mental abuse left you feeling unconfident and vunerable and when someone showed interest in you it was lovely. Don't continue to punish yourself.
You need to get help from legal advisors as Smeedle said and Citizens Advice Bureau are very helpful and everything is confidential. Find out your rights and don't tell your partner what you are doing as this will only add to the insults.
You are probably extremely low right now and talk to your doctor, perhaps you feel depressed but mental abuse is often more painful than physical abuse as bruises heal but emotional scars take a lot longer.
You are not just doing this for yourself but for your daughter as well and in the long run she will thank you for what you are doing as you will be a stronger and happier mum in the long run.
Take care and know that there are others out there that care so stay strong and you will find a decent man one day who treats you the way you deserve.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 March 2006):
 Good heavens, what on earth are you still doing with this controle freak, get out and do it very soon, you are putting your health at seriouse risk.
He has no interest in your or your daughter so why stay for your daughters sake, he is just telling you he loves you so you will stay and he can continue to controle you.
If you think leaving him will put you in danger then contact a womans refuge.
You have rights to the house and to money for your daughter so I suggest you go to see a solicitor (they oftern give an hours free advice or if you are entitled to benefit you may get some legal aid) if a solicitor is out of the question then go to your local advice centre, or ask at your GP surgery.
There is a lot of help for you out there and being a single mum is fine, it is far better than the abusive relationship you are in now.
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