A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:J and I have been sleeping together for about 2 and a half months now, and the sex is great and we have a lot of physical and emotional chemistry and we usually just can't keep our hands off of each other. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't get him to finish when I go down on him. I've never had any issues getting guys off like that in the past (usually takes around 15 minutes tops) and he's said he's never had any past issues with it either. We even had a brief breakup about a month into our relationship where we each ended up sleeping with someone else, and I got the other guy off orally without any issues at all, and he received from the other woman and also had no issues. He says he doesn't feel like he gets blue balled either, and just maintains his erection for however long I stay at it (which has been up to an hour before), but without any result. I really would like to be able to solve this issue because it bothers me that this is the only way I can't satisfy him. I think it bothers him too because he's said a million times that it feels good but he just can't finish. Please help, thank you so much.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2016):
 This is a non-problem. So he doesn't get off from you going down at him, but for heavens sake woman, 1 hour of giving him blow jobs!? My jaw would be sore for a full week if I did that.
Sex is about enjoyment. Do you enjoy going at it for 1 hour? If so, sure, keep at it. But if you don't enjoy it then I see no point in keeping it up. It's not like this is "the only way you can't please him". Stop obsessing about his orgasm. He enjoys the blowjob, he doesn't need to orgasm in your mouth in order to enjoy it. You can finish him off with your hand or with intercourse, if you absolutely need a finish.
Women have sex without reaching an orgasm about 98% of the time, and we still enjoy it! So can men. Just stop when it isn't fun anymore, and do something else. So he doesn't come, big deal. He can have his orgasms during other sexual acts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2016): You've had sex with other people during your breakup? Now you're comparing him to another? If he's aware of this,there's your problem. You're putting pressure on him to come, when it's really up to him to do it when he's good and ready.
My guess? He is subconsciously resentful that you had sex with someone else; or he is passive-aggressively teaching you a lesson that you can make him hard; but your obvious impatience about "finishing" will get you no results.
There is still some leftover unresolved issues of intimacy from your prior breakup; and some suppressed resentment.
This will create some degree of performance-anxiety. You're not totally forgiven for the past. He feels cheated on, and won't admit it.
Maybe he is purposely getting himself off prior to sex, knowing how annoyed it makes you that you can't make him finish. A subtle form of punishment. Most reconciliations still carry a lot of leftover hostility and hidden anger.
Sexual-liaisons with others during a breakup doesn't get totally dismissed, just because you both did it.
If he turned to porn, which was an option during your breakup; perhaps he has become more comfortable with getting himself off, and desensitized to your blowjobs.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 April 2016):
 One of the things that kills the orgasm for so many women is worrying about why it’s taking so long for her to reach the big moment. Maybe in this case, he’s now become sensitive to your distress about the situation and the mental gyrations of trying to stay in the moment. He’s trying stop worrying that it won’t end the way you are basically demanding at this point and that is an orgasm-killer.
I think the best tactic at this point in time is to stop trying. Yes, just stop trying to cross that particular finish line. Enjoy spending time doing a bit of oral stimulation but stop making his orgasm from oral the end goal.
Take a few months off from chasing this goal. Don’t stop enjoying all the fun stuff and do what you like but don’t try to force something that isn’t happening.
Tease, play, enjoy, but don’t expect. Have more fun and less stress.
It’s early in the relationship and you’ve already had a breakup and had sex with other people only 30-50 days into a relationship. Not a great start in what for most would be a honeymoon type period.
So my advice would be to back off chasing this particular goal. Minds have funny ways of playing games with you and it sounds like you are putting so much stress on this that it’s become a “thing” that is now a risk to your reunion with him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Ask him to direct you. Try some new techniques and see how it goes. Ask him to tell you what feels good and what doesn't. It is clear that whatever way you are doing it at the moment is not working for him, so you both need to work together to see if you can resolve the issue.
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