A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 Why haven't you asked her this question? You appear to have enough of a concern that you've investigated her search history as well as the previous massage therapist.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2016):
 if it's not on your shared calendar and it was done via a separate email address and it's being done without your being there...then I wonder HOW you know about it.
It sounds like you are spying on her?
it sounds like you don't trust are and are looking for something to prove why it's an acceptable feeling.
is any of this accurate?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 Did she search for sexual massages? That is about the only thing here that I find odd. But then again, when searching for massages, these sorts of things can automatically pop up on almost any site. Are you sure it was in the search history, and not just automated search suggestions? I am sure if any of you use that computer to search for porn, or anything related to relationships, these adds and search suggestions would pop up. I just wrote "massage" in my search window and I get suggested things like "massage envy" and "massage addict" etc, without me every having searched for those things.
Go to computer history and check there, check time and date. Before any confrontations, make sure you have the facts straight. Has it been a single search, or multiple ones?
It could be innocent and that she, since having to go without you once, started feeling comfortable about going alone. And that this search result is just some fantasy of hers. None of this is cause for real suspicion, in my book. But anyway, if you don't trust her, then this should be addressed as a lack of trust is damaging to a marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2016): Hi, and thank you everyone who is taking part. We live and work together, we share a calendar, she hasn't entered it in that. She has also used a separate and different email address to book it. The full story, She started seeing an osteopath about 2 years ago, and always wanted me to come with her, until one time I was unable to make it, so she went on her own, then she was advised by the osteopath to have a holistic massage, she was initially adamant that she wanted a female masseur, but the lady who was treating her so the practise owner massaged her. I then learned that the chap she was going to see, was heavily advertising on craigslist for sexual massages, and after a discussion with her about massage, but not yoni massage I suggested that I should again go with her, and watch, but she was dead against this. She then found a different man to massage her, at home and there has been no problems with this. Then wrong as it may be I discovered that much of her internet browsing history was for sexual massages and male masseurs etc etc. again, am I weird, because I feel that if she wants another mans hands on her she should at least mention it to me?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 April 2016):
What do you mean she is keeping it a secret from you? Had she lied to you about it? Has she gone out of her way to not let you know about her going to get a massage?
If he's just changed the person who gives her the massage, but she is not secretive about going to get a massage, I really don't see why she should have to tell you about WHO gives her a massage? Does it matter? Do you have some strict rules about who is allowed to give her a massage?
I don't think you should worry, not about this anyway! I think you should worry more about your suspicions towards your wife, you seem a bit paranoid. Out of context, this seems like a very odd thing to get suspicious about, even calling it her keeping it "secret" is weird. This is not some big, important piece of information that anyone would feel the need to either hide, nor share!
But if you have other grounds for suspicion, and there has been lies etc, then do tell us the whole context, and maybe that will cast some light on the real situation at hand. From what you write alone, I can only say that you seem very suspicious, bordering paranoia.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 April 2016):
if her behavior is new or worrisome...ask her
maybe she feels bad because she's getting an "extra" massage between appointments with her regular guy...
you are worried about something an probably don't need to be...but you won't know until you ask...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2016): I don't know, maybe I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but I just wondered why she hasn't told me? It is so out of character for her. She has also arranged it for a time when I will not be around, so I will not be here when she leaves or when she comes back. I have also just found out that she has taken the money for it out of my wallet, we are normally very free with money and I always say take what you need, but in the last 8 years she has always always mentioned it to me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 April 2016):
Should you be worried about what?
that she's becoming more independent and able to make choices and decisions without your input?
or is your implication being that she's cheating on you?
why can't you ask her why she did what she did?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (18 April 2016):
I don't understand why you needed to be involved in decisions regarding HER massages in the first place. Her body, her comfort, her rubdown.
I'm genuinely confused here. Shouldn't you be grateful that she is making her own decisions?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2016): I know you are right we need to talk, but if she wanted to talk Surely she would have already mentioned it?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2016):
 So talk to her?
It makes life so much easier then trying to glean meaning out of little things.
Can be that she is comfortable now (without you there) to get a massage, and there is nothing wrong in that, is there?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2016): Hi thanks for your reply, she had a massage from the usual guy 2 weeks ago, and has another booked with him next week. She also has always involved me in decisions about previous masseurs, and for the 1st half dozen treatments always wanted me to be there with her. She knows I'm going out tomorrow and has arranged it for while I'm not around.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2016):
Why do you think you should you be worried?
Maybe she has heard that this guy/girl is SUPER great and she wants to see if that is true.
Maybe the old masseur recommended him/her?
Maybe the old masseur is taking a vacation and suggested your wife use this new person?
Why not just ask?
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