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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I'm absolutely sick of unrequited love. I can't handle it happening to me again! It's happened too many times and it's been very hard getting over it and moving on each time.I'm 27 and have only had one proper boyfriend. We weren't in love with each other, but we did have some good times and were friends, but he cheated on me so I know he was completely wrong for me. But I meet great guys who I know would be good for me, and I would like to try dating them and see where it goes from there, but none of the ones I like ever want to date me! Why??? My friends (male and female) say there's nothing wrong with me and I just need to meet the right guy, which will happen one day, or they say that I live in the wrong area or hang around with the wrong people, etc. etc. I can't help but think that either there is something glaringly wrong with me which no one is telling me about, or I am cursed!!It hurts so much and recently I have told myself that I won't let it happen again, but then it did. It doesn't get easier to cope with, it just gets harder every time.How will I ever know why I can't find someone to love? Is there a time to give up hoping? It's so upsetting, please help!?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 April 2005):
 Time to give up the dating game.I'm serious. Give it up. Don't look for guys to date, don't think about finding someone to fall in love with, don't flirt with strangers or waste time in clubs.Instead, focus on making yourself happy. Pursue hobbies that please you. Join clubs that do things you're interested in. Try to take a night class in a language you've always wanted to learn. Decide to take up kickboxing, or dressage, and therapeutic kite-flying. Cook yourself nice meals after work and get a cat or a dog to adore you and reassure you that you're completely adorable.In other words, ease up on yourself. You're putting so much stress on boyfriends and dating and "finding the right guy" that you must be coming across like a starving man at a banquet table. I suspect guys do like you, but they might be frightened off by the underlying urgency or feel that you'll want them in complete lockdown after the second date. Most guys will run like gazelles at any hint that you want commitment (that is, until they have the idea independantly), so they steer clear.I can tell by the way that you write that you're a well-educated and well-adjusted person and that you think deeply about issues. This is GREAT! You're interesting! You're educated. You had a "proper boyfriend" once before, so you're not Quasimodo's little sister. You're not cursed.If you take my advice and do things that interest YOU, you will absolutely meet other people (including single men) who like doing what you do, and who will like you for doing it. They're called "friends", and they're a really good foundation for dating.When you're not "desperately seeking someone", you'll come across as a much more appealing dating prospect to your male friends. And that's when they turn into boyfriends.Give yourself a break...Good luck.
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