| A ,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him but I don't know if I should, cos I want to save myself until my wedding night. But I lied to him so he thinks I have already had sex before with someone else, when I haven't. I feel like he's pressuring me cos I want to wait but I don't want to make him unhappy, so should I just have sex with him? I'm also worried that if I do have my first time that it will hurt, and that he will be able to tell im a virgin. What should I do? I'm so confused.
View related questions:
wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Raab22 +, writes (9 April 2005):
yeah don't have sex with him to shut him up but don't wait till your wedding night - you may be dissapointed! You shouldn't get married to have sex, so take the pressure off yourself and do it, now!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2005): If you feel pressured by this boy then there is NO way you should sleep with him and give into his demands. This would only create a bully out of him.If you dont want to admit you lied then dont feel you must but if you are hoping to have a serious relationship (which i presume you do)then admit you lied because you need to be honest. Firstly tell him your decision to wait if he doesnt respect this then he's not right for you. If he does respect your decision then youve got yourself a keeper.P.S i completley respect you decision to wait before having sex..their arent many of us left in the world
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 April 2005):
 First things first: you shouldn't ever have sex with someone just to shut them up. If you do, you're cheapening the entire act and the dismissing the intimacy that you clearly regard as an important part of a very special relationship. You're reducing sex to a "freebie" that your boyfriend has nagged you into giving to him. *That's* not very intimate or special...!Second point: If you feel that your boyfriend is special enough and you love him enough to have that level of intimacy (we're talking about your one-and-only virginity, here), why is it that you don't feel confident enough to talk to him and tell him what's on your mind? Surely if you're prepared to have sex with him - with all the risks, both physical and emotional, that it entails - you feel close enough to him to talk about it first? Don't you?If not, then you're missing trust and your relationship isn't at a level where you should be considering sex at all.Having said all that, Yes, your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex. Guys are designed like that. For them, sex is good, good, good! Now, now, now! And you can't have too much of a good thing! He will probably continue to pressure you; I imagine it's tough being a young man and having a young man's truly monumental sex drive. Consider meeting him in the middle by offering him oral. Blowjobs can be a lot of fun for both parties!However, by feeding him a line and saying that you weren't a virgin, you've painting yourself into a bit of a corner, where you can't exactly say "Sex is something very special and I want to save myself for my husband".So now's the time you come clean with him. Just tell him the truth. "I'm sorry, Damien. I wanted you to think I was really experienced and worldly so I told you I'd had sex before, but the truth is that I'm still a virgin. And that's why I'm not ready to have full sex with you yet."There it is: the truth, in three sentences.Get used to telling the truth in your relationships. It really makes things so much easier. And if you start out with a lie, correct it as soon as you can, because lies have a way of hanging around and getting more complicated.Finally, when you do decide to have sex with someone, yes, it will probably be... uncomfortable. The first few times it's generally not great for women, but if you're with someone who's slow, gentle, careful and caring (and he should be!), you'll find that you warm up to it pretty fast. Don't worry overmuch about it hurting.As to your being a virgin, most guys find this a real turn-on. I've always been a bit mystified as to why, but they do. It's some sort of bonus for them, so you needn't worry about that, either.
...............................
|
