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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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My boyfriend's sleazy collection of nudey cut-outs he keeps under his bed (and he's 22)!
Q. I am 20 years old and have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years, my problem is not really our relationship because we get on fine. My real problem is that he keep photos of naked women under his bed that he gets from mens mags and news ...
A. 25 January 2005: You get mad because you're mentally measuring each of these slips of paper against your image of you and you worry that you might not compare. But, don't forget: these are slips of paper! They're not women, they're not even girls. They're not even ... (read in full...)
I have lots of worries going through my mind about my lovely fella
Q. I met this lovely guy about a year ago who I instantly became attracted to. He wasn't interested but I kept my hopes up because we kept in contact both via the Internet and through text messages. At one point he even agreed to go out on a type of ...
A. 25 January 2005: Hi there, If you've been cheated on before, it's going to colour your view of men for a while. That's just a given. However, when the thoughts that he's cheating on you enter your mind, you have to force yourself to remember that this i... (read in full...)
Should I ignore hot new guy who makes me feel on fire!?
Q. What do I do? I am 27 years old and have been with the same boyfriend for 14 years. We do love each other & think we want to spend the rest of our life together but now another man has tried it on with me! After 2 years of inocent flirting...
A. 25 January 2005: Hi there, Ignoring the new boy isn't the answer, but you'll have to tone down what you think is "innocent flirting". Clearly, New Boy has a case for you and probably thinks that you're hot to strip him down, too. If you've been flirting with hi... (read in full...)
Help needed trying to fix a broken heart
Q. am trying to fix my broken heart. the man that i thought was my man did a 360 on me, he doesnt respects me at all,he stays gone for days at a time. i am so hurt i just need some advice i love him but i know i need to let go,because he has could me ...
A. 24 January 2005: Hi dear, I've been there too. Grieve for a while. You need to do that. There isn't any template that you have to stick to in terms of how long it takes you to get over him, but let yourself be sad, weepy and gloomy for a while until you sta... (read in full...)
I went to the US, tried a relationship which didn't work. Can I pretend nothing happened?
Q. I am 28 and foolish. I was in a four year relationship when I went away (hols) and met a guy who I knew for a week. I quit my relationship. I didn't tell my friends why I was leaving but i moved to the US to live with the new guy, after ...
A. 24 January 2005: Hi there, You might have quit the relationship in your own mind, but I suspect that your partner knew that something was amiss before you left and has a feeling for what went on. He may even suspect the details. You're clearly intelligent and... (read in full...)
How do I get to know lad in year above?
Q. I really like this lad thats in the year above me in school! but i dunno wat 2 do coz ive neva talked 2 him before, he goes to sum of the things i go 2 at lunch times but i dont know how to get to know him please give me some advice...
A. 24 January 2005: Hi there, The trick is not to pay any attention to the age difference. Smile and ask him about things you have in common. You say that you go to some of the same things, so sit down near him and ask him for his opinion about the places you both ... (read in full...)
I took the cowards way out and said I couldn't end my marriage
Q. I would really appreciate some advice. Last year on a Guy's trip to Dublin from the UK I met a fantastic Girl, we swopped Numbers and were in contact most days and would meet up at least once a month for over a year, The relationship was the most...
A. 24 January 2005: Hi Liam, I see red flags. This woman doesn't know WHAT she wants. Or, if I were being uncharitable, I'd suggest that she does know, and what she wants is to yank your chain every few weeks, just to squeeze a few more declarations of love ou... (read in full...)
Can my very naughty boyfriend change?
Q. my boyfriend keeps going to jail we love each other and the problem isn't waiting i waited b4 do you think he can change?...
A. 24 January 2005: Hi there, That depends. Has he tried to change his ways, or even said that he was unhappy with the way his life is going? Has he made efforts to change in the past? Was he ever successful at changing for any amount of time? Is he trying to get... (read in full...)
Boyfriend hasn't orgasmed during sex with me, am I not good enough?
Q. my latest boyfriend hasn't orgasmed while having sex with me. is something wrong with me? is something wrong with him? i feel like i might not be good enough, but i haven't had this problem in the past. this is the third time it's happened. ...
A. 23 January 2005: The problem is a bit unusual, but therre can be a number of things at work here. Is he nervous, stressed, depressed, rushed? Has he been taking drugs or drinking alcohol? All these things can affect a man's sexual performance. ... (read in full...)
Can't bear to be without her, what can I say to make her change her mind?
Q. My girlfriend and I were going out for a year when she and her family moved from Scotland, to Wales. At first she did'nt want to leave, but i told her she had to go with her family. Everything went well for the next three months with us both ...
A. 23 January 2005: Hi there, I'm so sorry that this is tearing you up, but I think your g/f is being sensible under the circumstances. As you're discovering, long-distance relationships take a tremendous amount of effort and even then, it's hard to make them work. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hides his contact with ex girlfriends
Q. My boyfriend stays in touch with his ex-girlfriends which doesnt bother me at all. However he hides this fact from me. If he gets a text from them he'll say its from his mother or someone else. Is it wrong for me to be worried about this?...
A. 23 January 2005: Hi there, Not unless there are other things he lies about too. If his whole life is a tissue of whoppers then you have more than texting exes to worry about. But if he's only fibbing about this one thing, it's very likely that he's feeling aw... (read in full...)
Can my mom throw me out?
Q. i wanna no wat i can do if my mum throws me out of home when she finds that im in love with a boy she only wants me to be friends with what can i do????...
A. 23 January 2005: Depending on your age, your mum may or may not be able to ask you to leave her house. You sound really young, 13 or 14, and if so, she can express her displeasure, she can give you curfews, and she can forbid you from going out with this boy, but ... (read in full...)
What is the difference between and STI and an STD?
Q. what is the diffrence between an sti and an std? can you get an std through sex? please help and say becouse my doctor says i might have an std. ...
A. 23 January 2005: Hi, I recommend you have a look at Planned Parenthood's website: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/sti They have a very good FAQ about sexual health and might be able to give you some genera... (read in full...)
I have no control over wanting to call and text my ex
Q. i have recently split up with a guy of a year who i thought was mr right nine weeks ago am really hurt and want him back but he wont cooperate, i find myself wanting to call him or text him every day and feel like i have no self control over this ...
A. 22 January 2005: Hi there, What's going on is that you were with him for a year, but you've only been split up for a few weeks. Now you're going through a perfectly normal stage of regret about the loss. The feeling will fade with time, but you can help thin... (read in full...)
Is my fairytale whirlwind romance for real?
Q. I have been 'with' my boyfriend for nearly a year and love him very much. Ours was a fairytale whirlwind romance and we moved in together after a few weeks, have gone on to buy a house and plan to marry in April. The problem is he's very ...
A. 22 January 2005: Hi C, You think YOU'RE confused. Your b/f doesn't know whether he's coming or going! It sounds as if he's really, really, really not over his ex yet. You'd be wise to postpone that wedding, unless you want the "tension" knob on your relations... (read in full...)
Riddle of the missing underwear
Q. Me and my girlfriend went on vacation over the summer. When we got back I put my suitcase in my girlfriends room which she shares with her sister. A week later I noticed that a pair of my underwear was missing and found them under her bed. I never ...
A. 22 January 2005: It might be exactly what you suspect: that the sister pulled your undies out of your suitcase for whatever reason (curiousity?), then for some other reason, slipped them under the bed. Or, perhaps, it could be some equally outrageous scena... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he does love me "otherwise he'd have thrown me out"!
Q. I was in a very bad relationship before that was full of abuse and insults and now I have met a lovely man. I am living with him now and it has been very fast because of my previous situation, we didn't have much choice but to live together. This w...
A. 22 January 2005: Hi there dear, To correct the situation, you need to look at the details of how it came about. First of all, contratulations for escaping your previous, abusive relationship. I'm glad that you found somewhere that feels safe. You sound ... (read in full...)
Help, I'm a potential tongue-twister in need of advice
Q. My girlfriend and i both really want to have oral sex, but i keep putting it off because i dont really know what to do. if anyone could tell me what is th most pleasureable way for the girl, that would be appreciated. ...
A. 22 January 2005: Hi there, It's your girlfriend you really should be asking this question; after all, hers is the only opinion that counts in this particular matter. But since you've asked, the best oral sex involves gentle use of your tongue, around - but nev... (read in full...)
Seems like my long-distance girlfriend is giving me the cold shoulder - help!
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship I'm 18 and she turns 18 next month. I live in London and she lives near Bournemouth. I'm a bit suspicious at the moment cos she went to a party got drunk and then apparaently kissed someone but she cant remember...
A. 22 January 2005: Hi there, Long distance relationships are really tricky. Unless the relationship is rock-solid to beging with, and has a bit of history, it's tough to stay together. Because you don't see each other so often, it's much harder to "connect" and to... (read in full...)
Do I...?
Q. Do I leave my wife for having affairs?...
A. 22 January 2005: In a word: Yes. If she won't stop having affairs, then she's already "gone" from the relationship in any real sense. Sticking around only prolongs your pain.... (read in full...)
What should I do to move my girl from "friend" to "girlfriend"
Q. I bumped into a girl i've know for most of my life on the way home from work a while back, and since then we've been hanging out as friends quite a bit (at least once a week). i have found that my feelings towards her have grown over the period, to ...
A. 21 January 2005: Hi there, You've told her that you like her. That's a very good start, but have you let her know that you "li-i-i-ike" her? Sometimes, if a person is depressed or has low self-esteem, they don't read nuances very well, and it's possible that sh... (read in full...)
My holiday lover has tracked me down and thrown a spanner in the works!
Q. Hi* Im 23 and my boyfriend is 41, i love him very much and quite frankly ive never felt like this about anyone before, not even when i was in a 7year relationship. I've been with him for 7months now and i am very happy. Everything has...
A. 21 January 2005: Hi there, Bad idea! You're kidding yourself if you think you can go and have a luncheon date and talk about old times together. Because you and The Fling really only had sex in common, if you allow yourself to see him again, you WILL have sex... (read in full...)
My giflfriend cheated on me with a friend, now I don't know how to tell people we have split
Q. My girlfried recently cheated on me after we had a row. We had been arguing a lot and have been on and off for four years but this time were trying to give things a proper go. The problem is she has only moved back to the area recently so only...
A. 21 January 2005: Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear how this has troubled you, and you're right that, in a small town, there are few secrets. Your mates will probably hear rumours straightaway. You sound sensitive and a good person and it's a good sign that you wa... (read in full...)
Due to get married this summer! But what if grass is greener on the other side?
Q. Hello, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 3 years, and we are due to get married this summer. The problem is, although I love him very much I dont see us having a future. I am so confused I don't know what to do. What happ...
A. 21 January 2005: Hi there H, It's very smart to listen to nagging doubts before the actual ceremony. You've been together for three years and marriage probably seems like a logical step, but it's not a compulsory one so if you're "miserable" and your offe... (read in full...)
Don't feel like I am falling in love...
Q. I have a been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and although he is wonderful and treats me well, like his first priority and tells me he loves me (in which I do too), I really don't feel like I am properly falling in love with him. Its ...
A. 20 January 2005: Hi J, Yes, you should be honest will all of them, and with yourself. If you're attracted to someone else and feel a sense of 'relief' at the idea of breaking up, you're doing him a disservice by staying around and just pretending to be his girlfr... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love the relationship and security more than the person?
Q. Are men always such arse holes???... or is it just my boyfriend? we have been together for over 4 years, yet recently it feels like there has been a great hole that has opened up between us and the atmosphere is very tense. without realising, my ...
A. 20 January 2005: Yes, it certainly is possible to love the idea of a boyfriend more than the person, and it gets a lot women into major strife. And, no, all men are definitely not ar..holes. After 4 years of togetherness, you don't sound very happy in your re... (read in full...)
Should I feel flattered or upset that boyfriend only suffers premature ejaculation with me?
Q. i have been in a relationship now for 18 months and although he is fantastic and couldnt fault him in any way he has a big problem with premature ejaculation, ive printed stuff off the computer about this & know that it is normal, me & my boyfriend ...
A. 20 January 2005: Hi there, I'm going to go with 'flattered'; after all, he isn't really complaining about your being so uncontrollably attractive, is he? I doubt very much if you're doing anything wrong, in fact, it sounds like you're doing everything unbeliev... (read in full...)
Feel too shy to make a move on work girl I like - advice please!?
Q. Hi there! Was just wondering if anybody could give me some advice on this problem i have... I work once a week with this girl, who over the last few months I've come to realise I really like and would really like to go out with her. Trouble...
A. 20 January 2005: Hi there, I think it's sweet that you want to ask this girl out, and sweeter still that you worry about the six-months' age difference, which is, in real terms, absolutely negligible. If you think about the situation objectively, you'll see that ... (read in full...)
Think I may have an infection "down below"
Q. i think i might have an infection down below. i hurts when i go to the toilet sometimes and i have very smelly discharge, and lots of it. also my pubic hair is very itcy. what can i do and what could it be. i am really worried and cant talk to ...
A. 20 January 2005: Hi there, You need to get to your doctor or a sexual health clinic soon - check the government section of your phone book for a local clinic - because it sounds like a yeast infection, possibly thrush, is the main culprit; however, you may... (read in full...)
I only see my girlfriend for 10 minutes a week
Q. hi, my question is dat ive gt a girlfriend and i really do luv her but i need to no if she luvs me. she says she does but how can i tell. i am very close to her and we kiss and cuddle every time we r wiv each other, but my parents are very strict ...
A. 19 January 2005: Hi Rocket, The first thing to do is, don't worry too much. When the feeling of loving someone is brand new, you should give yourself a chance to enjoy it and not try to analyse it so much that you start to doubt yourself. If your girl says sh... (read in full...)
Seems like it's me doing the running now!
Q. I really want some help as soon as possible, my ex-boyfriend who I went out with twice seems to treat his girlfriends like a piece of rubbish but when I was with him he was the sweetest to me and made me feel great about myself, but when he split up ...
A. 19 January 2005: Hi there, It sounds like he's uncertain about the relationship and thinks you two moved too fast in your early days, so he's a bit all over the map in his feelings. Am I reading your letter correctly? You write that you went out with him "twic... (read in full...)
Feel like I'm going psycho
Q. I don't really know where to start. I feel like I am a complete phsyco. I have been with my partner for a year now but just can not trust him. He has never done anything to make me feel like this and deep down I think I do trust him but I can not ...
A. 18 January 2005: Hi there, You're right that you're overreacting, and your worrying about him looking at pictures of women in magazines is beyond overreaction; it's irrational. Throughout your long letter you list all the things that you don't want your boyfrie... (read in full...)
I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust the girl who is texting him. Should I call her?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and my boyfriend have being seeing eachother for at least a year and a half. We spend all our time together and i love him alot, he is the most important person in my life. I came across the other day that when he went to the toil...
A. 18 January 2005: Hi Candy, The very first thing you should do is apologise to your boyfriend for snooping. After that, I'd recommend that you keep a promise never to do such a thing again and hope that he forgives you. What you did was self-indulgent, intrusiv... (read in full...)
Can't let go of my ex-alcoholic boyfriend
Q. I have dated my ex-b/f for 8 years. I recently broke up with him 6 months ago for maybe the 10th time. I know that this man is not right for me yet I still think of him and have a hard time letting go. He is 61 and I am 48. He is a recovered ...
A. 18 January 2005: Hi there, To let go of this relationship, which you intuitively already know is not benefitting you, you first need to examine what it is about this man that keeps you running back to him, time and again. Time to get down to basics, then! Sit... (read in full...)
My partner spends too much time at church
Q. I've have lived with the person of my dreams for nearly 8 years. Lately, it seems we have a problem brewing in the relationship. It's not cheating or anything like that. Instead, I believe my mate spends too much time with our church. I love...
A. 17 January 2005: Hi there, It sounds like you and your partner are in a 3-way relationship: you, him and Church. It's no surprise that you feel torn. You go to services with him often (certainly more often than most), but he seems almost to live for them, a... (read in full...)
My wife and I are now more friends than lovers
Q. I've started to feel that my wife (of 5 years) and I have become more like friends than lovers... To compound this, I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life that is really getting me down. I recently met a new woman at work, and when she look...
A. 17 January 2005: I'm sorry that you have difficulties in your life right now, but avoiding your wife's advances and dreaming about a workplace fling aren't going to solve your problems, and are really likely to compound them. Why have you and your wife drifted apa... (read in full...)
My partner has been subscribing to x-rated sites
Q. I have been with my partner for four years. The relationship has, so I thought, been going well, until recently. I discovered that he has been subscribing to X rated porn sites and has disclosed his phone number in order to receive explicit...
A. 16 January 2005: Hi Anon, You're both right. You're entitled to feel disgusted by his porn addiction and disappointed that he's not the man that you believed he was. But it's also his right to indulge in his addiction to the exclusion of all else, including... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying with my on-off ex girlfriend
Q. Six months ago my girlfriend broke up with me for the second time in our 3 and half year relationship. We were very good friends for about a year before we got together, but neither of us ever thought about each other in any other way apart from "...
A. 16 January 2005: Hi M, Cross your fingers, squeeze your eyes shut tight and make a wish; maybe you'll find that it's finally over. From your description, except for the occasional forays into the sexual arena, this relationship has been a train wreck or wasted... (read in full...)
Boyfriend sees relationship as "some fun"... My Dad wants me to find someone new!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend Adam for 5 years, he is 24 I am 22, our relationship has never been smooth running but in the last year it has been the best its ever been, to give you abit of history, last Xmas Adam didn't get me a single gift not ...
A. 16 January 2005: Hi there, Your letter doesn't make Adam out to be much of a catch. Let's summarise: he doesn't keep promises, he calls you names, he lies, he doesn't expect to be with you in a few years, he has no intention of getting married, he doesn't want... (read in full...)
Slept with my abusive drunk ex, now feel guilty for my Mum
Q. I have recently separated from my partner of 3 years, we have a baby together. We separated because I could not stand his abusive behavour and drinking habits. He now is living back at his parents. I had not seen him in 2 weeks when he came rou...
A. 16 January 2005: Hi there, One of the reasons that breaking up is so hard to do, is that it takes you so far from the habits that you're accustomed to. Breaking up with an abusive ex is even harder, because abuse is about misusing power in a relationship, an... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend want sex with me?
Q. Does my boyfriend want sex with me? We have been going out for over 2 months, and recently he's been doing a lot of moves on me. Eg touching and squeezing my breasts, whilst making out with me, and breathing heavely. And sometimes lifting my top ...
A. 16 January 2005: Hi Sabrina, I think it's a near certainty that your boyfriend wants to have sex. He may not have any idea how to suggest it, but I don't think there's much doubt that he'd like to. You've pretty much seen all the body language that a boy of ab... (read in full...)
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