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anonymous
writes: I was recently dumped by my ex-boyfriend, and I'm really scared because something that he doesn't know is that I am pregnant with his child. I never did tell him because I was in denial. But now that everything has been clarified and I now know for a fact that I am, I'm too scared to tell him. I dont want him to think that this is just a silly way to get him back and all, because trust me, it's not. I really want this to get answered and have replies because I'm scared and I dont know what to do. Should I tell him that I am pregnant?..Or do I just raise the baby by myself and not let him worry about it?Please HELP!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): tell him he is going to tell you that is not his baby but you might have to talk to his mother
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 March 2005):
 If you're confident that he is absolutely the father, you need to tell him. That's Priority Number One. It's easy to forget that, even though you're the one who's pregnant, he's 50% responsible too. I'm talking about financial and emotional responsibility, of course, but he also has the right to know about the existance of - and to get to know - his own child. If you decide to raise your child, your ex may want to have partial custody, or help you out financially or at least be a reliable and responsible dad. He can't help if you never let him know his child was even born.If you don't want him to think that you're just trying to get back with him, then simply tell him so, then make your actions follow through on what you say. For example, 'It was a big shock for me to find this out, but think you should know too. I'm pregnant with our child and I want to give you a chance to be involved if you want to be.' You might want to explain that you were in denial about it for a while, but now you're sure, and that you're only telling him so he is aware that his child exists.Your next priority is just as important. Get yourself to the doctor and start gettting prenatal care. The doctor will want to check and see that your baby is healthy and developing normally and will want to ensure that you take care of your own health in the critical early months of your pregnancy. You don't have to be told that there's no bigger, or more exhausting job than raising a child, so you want to be in your best health. Your doc can make some good recommendations for you, such as vitamin supplements that you need. Get that appointment happening, young woman!The next thing to do is to find out what resources are available for women in your situation. You don't say what your age is, or whether you're still in school or uni, but I'm guessing you're in the range of 16-19. If you're still living at home with your parents, you will need to level with them about your pregnancy soon, so they can adjust to the news (it might shock them at first, but they'll be OK, trust me) and think about ways they can help support you and the baby for a while.Check the phone book for phone numbers for Women's Services. They should be able to refer you to people and organisation that can help you both before and after the birth and to government departments that can help with welfare payments.Finally, remember that you have options other than just raising the baby by yourself. Sometimes offering a child for adoption is a sensible option, and it doesn't have to be anonymous, as it was in the past. Always keep in mind what's going to be best for your child, that's all. Do that, and you'll be fine. Please write again and tell us how things go.
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