| A ,
anonymous
writes: Dear agony aunt, For the last 6 months I have been seeing a girl who I like a lot but can't fall in love with. I do like her but no matter how hard I try I can't get any more feelings for her. To complicate matters further, I talk and call her best friend a lot. We don't ever make physical contact because she doesn't want to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend, but she says that she has fallen for me and also does not know what to do. I fell for my girlfriend's friend just after I met my girlfriend and have never met anyone like her. I am thinking of leaving my girlfriend and trying to work things out with her friend because I believe she loves me 100% and I have never felt like this before towards anyone. My girlfriend's friend has started to feel guilty recently but always tells me she loves me. I know this is a hard problem so I need some help. please. I am not a cheat but I am very tempted because I need this girl. Robert (England) x
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 March 2005):
 Hi Robert,There was another person with a similar problem a few days ago. You might want to look at their question, too.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-not-attracted-to-her-but-dont-want-to-break-her-heart.htmlEssentially, you don't love this girl and you're starting to feel affection for someone else. You write that you've "tried" to feel love for her, but it just isn't there. Well, you could try all year to fall in love. If it's not there spontaneously, you can't force it. So don't worry. There's nothing wrong with you and you're kind to try to give yourself time to get to know your girlfriend and learn to love her.But. You're not doing this girl any favours by hanging around, keeping your mouth shut and pretending that everything's fine. You ARE going to hurt her feelings; it's just a matter of when, and of degree.You have to break it off with her, and soon, before she starts planning a future with you. Be compassionate, be direct and be quick. Tell her that you care about her, but you don't feel as strongly about her as you should. And tell her that she deserves to have someone who loves her for who she is, but you're just not that person.She'll be hurt and sad, but that's part of the experience of dating and life, generally. If you're kind, she'll get over it.But please DON'T immediately start going out with her friend. In fact, I'd counsel you to avoid AT ALL COSTS going out with the friend of an ex! But you'll ignore me... If you two are meant to be a couple, you can surely afford to wait a bit, and let your current girl get over the sting of being dumped without the added strain of seeing her friend going out with the man she loves.Even when you do go out with the new girl, try to make it in a group of friends, so your soon-to-be-ex doesn't think that her friend "lured" you away. Because then things could just get ugly.Good luck!
|
