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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I argue that I am always selfish. I want to change this, How do I stop being selfish? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): i totally understand, i wish i was better to my boyfriend.. i never let go of these little things until i yell at him and then i realise it was stupid. yesterday was the WORST day, i threw a bottle at him and slapped him over something SO stupidand hes so good to me, i just hate it and i dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): I understand fully what you are going through girl. I was unaware of how selfish I was being in my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him, I felt love and I told him daily but little did I know I was also being selfish. In what ways you ask, simply by not considering him at all. When we would have discussions, I was quick to defend myself and never let him get in a word. I would shrug his opinioins and point of views aside because they were of no benefit to me. I would call / txt or email him when it was convenient for me and my schedule without considering his feelings. I not knowingly was out for me. We live apart and as much as we want things to work I had to first realize and know what it is that I was doing and accept responsibility for my actions instead of making excuses to justify the reason(s) I do what I do. It's not fair to someone you say you love to want all the attention, catering and love and yet not give a bit of yourself. It works both ways. I know i need to give more of myself, my time and my heart and be a stronger and better person not for myself but for us, the relationship is not about you it's not about him it's about both of you. Good luck girl.
MHIIDC
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): I dont have an answer to that question but if someone does I will be very interested myself. I am on the other end of this. My boyfriend is seriously selfish to the point it hurts. We have split up once over this but I missed him so much we got back together. Nothing has changed and I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): i'm on the receiving end of this. it sucks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): I am actually having this same problem right now. I'm forever asking my boyfriend to buy or do things out of his means but it never crosses my mind how he'll do it because i'm only thinking of myself. It makes him feel like he can't provide for me. If only I take the time to see the bigger picture with things we might be better off. We're engaged but now I feel as if he deserves someone better than me. I must so high maintinence to him.In the meantime, I just want to crawl under a rock because it feels lousy when you realize your faults. Looking back, I dont' think i've ever done one nice thing for someone that didn't benefit me in some way. If I did, it was just out of convenience. I'm selfish, inconsiderate, self-centered and uncompromising. And i'm 5 months pregnant to boot!What the hell kind of mother will I be if I can only think of myself???
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 April 2005):
 Recognising the problem is a good start.Ask yourself under what circumstances you're selfish. Is it on deciding where you go or what you do when you go out? Is it that you refuse to contribute your share to the entertainment? Do you just insist on getting your way all the time?Then decide which is your worst offence and work on that first.You will probably recognise that you start to feel frightened or angry or anxious or some other emotion when you don't get your way. Identify what you feel, so you can apply logic to your emotion and learn to be more reasonable.For example, if your boyfriend suggests you go to a party at his mate's place and you don't want to, think about why you don't. Are you afraid of his friends? Do they do things you don't want to, or can't do? Are they too smart for you? Are they too low-class? Have you had bad experiences at parties? Are you afraid your boyfriend will find someone else he likes better at a party?Whatever the answer is, you can pick your fear apart with logic. Recognise the emotion you're feeling and resolve that you're not going to be controlled by it. Decide that you'll do things your boyfriend's way instead and ask yourself, What's the worst that could happen?No matter what, you'll still be with do whatever it is with him and you'll share the experience together. If it's awful enough, maybe you'll even share a laugh about it later.When you do decide to do things differently, do let your boyfriend know, so he's aware that you're making an effort to improve. I don't mean to suggest you shout it from the mountaintops, but tell him "I'm a bit unsure about it, but I want to be more open-minded, so let's do it."Best of luck!
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reader, sarah +, writes (2 April 2005):
Surprise him with a day completley for him. For example go see a football match, or a film of his choice, eat at his favourite place(even if it is the chip shop around the corner)!!! Devote all your attention to him for one day. then build on that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2005): Share more.
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