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anonymous
writes: OK, I am going to be brief. What do I do? I have a girl I've been with for 5 years. We always fight. She has a very bad attitude and is always grumpy. She doesn't use much common sense and has lied to me in the past. I will not cheat on her and I do love her but things are very rough. I met a girl tonight that made me feel very happy and don't know what to do. Help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): It sounds to me that maybe your current girlfriend is actually unhappy with some aspect in her life. Have you tried councelling or anger management (together) in order to try and get your relationship back on track?5 Years is a long time to just throw away without giving these areas a chance. There could be something very simple that is upsetting her - maybe her employment or money worries.As for the other girl that you have met recently, you may feel drawn to her as she is paying you attention; it is new and exciting. Personally, I believe you should sit your girlfriend down at an appropriate moment and explain in a loving and concerning way (no shouting or accusing)that you would like to go to and speak to a counceller to try and understand why you are feeling unhappy (don't point judgement, involve yourself)and maybe she could get something out of it too; it must be a joint agreement.This is a good way to go about it, because if you say she needs to go and she needs help, this will make her even more upset and the situation will be a no go area.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2005): hi u sound like my boyfriends best mate. i havent cheated on my boyfriend but he found some texts on my phone from an ex i have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years and its sounds like you don't love her anymore. if you did find your self happy with this other girl then just follow your heart. thats what tells you the truth. im following my heart and its telling me to work on my relationship. hope it works out what ever you decide to do. best of luck xxx
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 March 2005):
 I want to ask you a simple question: WHY do you love your girlfriend?What you've written in your letter makes her out to be pretty unloveable! You say you fight, she's grumpy, she has a bad attitude, she doesn't have common sense and she's lied. OK, but what's good about her? Is there anything?If you can't mentally list aspects about your girlfriend that balance out that nasty list above, then I suggest that you 'love' her less than you're 'used to' her. Now, there's nothing wrong with being comfortably settled into a rut with your partner... unless you're unhappy with that rut. And it sounds like you are unhappy. Meeting this new girl just pointed that out to you.You've had five years to get to know your current girlfriend really well. What attracted you to her in the first place? Does she still demonstrate those qualities? Are you doing anything - for example, excessive gambling, taking drugs etc - that contributes to the general level of unhappiness between you two? In other words, is there a reason for her being so unhappy and things being so rough between you? Can you help fix up your relationship, and more importantly: do you want to?Before you can determine what to do next, you need to ask yourself those basics: Why do you love your g/f? Do you want to fix what you have or give it up?Don't make the answers dependant on the girl you just met. Do it because you know it's time to address the issues that are dragging down your relationship. Then, if you decide to walk away, you'll know you tried to make things better and you'll have a good idea what problems you may need to solve in future.When you know the answers to those questions, you'll have a much better idea of what to do. That might consist of talking to your girlfriend and asking her if she wants to continue with you and if she'd be willing to fix the problems you're having. You might need to see a couples counsellor to get to the bottom of why she's so grumpy.You might have to admit that you're also responsible for some of the problems that you have, or that you're doing things that "enable" behaviours you don't care for. You might have to unlearn some sloppy habits in your relationship. There can be some hard - but rewarding - work ahead.You might simply leave and look for a new girlfriend.As easy as that last suggestion is, though, there's the possibility that you'd simply be bringing your problems with you, so I urge you to have one more serious go at solving the problems with your girlfriend before you throw in the towel. Don't forget that, five years ago, she was special enough to you that you gave up other women for her. Try to remember why that was, and work on getting that back.Good luck!
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