| A ,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I just broke up not even a week ago, and I miss him so much. We have been together on and off since I was a sophmore in high school. Now I am a freshman in college. The last time we got back together I had just found out that I was pregnant, not with his baby, though he would like him to be his. Now my son is nine months old, and attached to him (boyfriend). I am really hurt about us breaking up this time, and I really don't know what to do, because all I can think about is how much I want to be with him. Please help me figure out what to do and how much time to give him before I try to call and see if we can work things out. Thanks
View related questions:
broke up, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 March 2005):
 The first issue to address is, why do you keep breaking up? Is it the same problem that you haven't resolved yet, or is it a different disagreement every time? How severe is it? Do you just grizzle and snipe at each other until one of you leaves, or is it a pot-throwing screaming match that happens every week? You need to assess the level of argument that you and he are having, so you can determine if it's even worth trying to patch up.The next issue needs to be, does your boyfriend want to get back together, or is it only you who wants him back?Because it's only been a week since the split, it's natural that you're going to be missing him acutely right now. But this is a very good time to reflect on what's driving you apart each time and consider if you're actually right for each other.Sometimes couples get into a kind of rut where neither one is particularly happy, but neither one is ready to move on, either. Things seem OK, then arguments ensue, then break-ups, then reunions, then things go along fine until the next break-up. Does this sound like your relationship? If it is, it's not a pleasant environment in which to raise your son.Please talk to your ex. Discuss the reason(s) for your breaking up. Bring out associated issues and other "baggage" and try to make adult decisions about whether each of you is capable of compromising. If you're not, then face Reality. You might love him and want to be with him, but in some cases, people are just not suited for each other. You might have to let each other go. This can be especially true for relationships that started at school. Kids grow into adults who have different interests. It's not uncommon to "outgrow" someone you loved at 16.Give the relationship another try, but be realistic and objective. Think of your son, too. He deserves a quiet, loving household where both partners love and treat each other well, right?
|
