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anonymous
writes: Can someone please give me advice, I am with my boyfriend 3 years now and am finding myself getting really down and crying all the time. He is never home before 9 oclock in the evening, which is either working or in the pub, and when he does come home earlier, he has his daughter with him which I don't mind, but this is all the time. All day Saturday is spent with her and Sunday we spend in his mom and dad's house. I don't like to go out every weekend but do because he wants to, but when he doesn't want to or is minding his daughter we have to stay in. He drops her into his ex wife's every night; she never collects her. When we do go out, he stares at other girls all the time, which I am not a jealous person, but last week I said it upset me and he said it should not affect me who he stares at. If I text him he does not text me back or ring to say what time he will be home and I dont know what to do anymore. People are always saying that I am so pretty and I have a nice figure but I don't feel like this. When we do go out now I change so many times because I feel I look awful. This is really hurting me, I feel so lonely now that I would be better to get out but I really do care about him and would like to work it out. He does say he loves me but I don't feel it. Please help me.
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reader, sammi +, writes (26 March 2005):
From what I have read, this guy is really pulling you down. I know what it is like to love and not to be loved back, but you have to look out for number 1 and that's you. Many ways men can determine how far he can push a woman is to make her jealous. Get rid before you go too far oer the edge. GOOD LUCK HUNNI!
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (23 March 2005):
 It's obvious that staying with this man who claims to love you - whilst not showing it - is affecting your self-esteem.By your partner's definition, apparently "love" involves being selfish (making you go out at the weekends when you don't want to), dismissive (not caring that he hurts your feelings by staring at other girls), self-involved (not responding to your texts) and putting his ex's needs before yours.It isn't a very pretty picture.What strikes me about your letter is that you say that you love him and want it to work out, but there isn't anything that you've written that says anything about his nicer qualities. Yes, he seems to care about his daughter, but then again, he doesn't seem to be able to distribute his obligations, without ignoring you completely. Does he actually do anything nice for you? Does he ever, say, anticipate your needs? Spontaneously buy you flowers? Suprise you with a meal he's cooked? Anything? Sorry, dear, but this isn't the man for you. He sounds selfish, arrogant and spoiled. I suspect he just mouths the words "I love you" to keep you around for when it's convenient, and that's why you don't feel loved. He isn't actually demonstrating any love.The worst aspect is that being with this very cold partner is making you feel unlovable. That's why you change clothes so often before you go out: you're trying to look "better" on the outside to balance the "ugliness" he's made you feel on the inside.Staying with this guy and trying to "work it out" is going to be like trying to negotiate with a tree sloth. Not because you're not worth it, but because your partner is too self-involved and doesn't appear to care much about you.I'd start looking for a flat on your own, before this guy's indifference affects you for the long term.Good luck sweetie!
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