| A ,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. I thought he was the perfect guy, caring, considerate and accepts me for who I am. Things were moving along pretty quickly (not on the sex front - we are both virgins and wanted to wait untill we were together a while). Anyway we have had a few arguments recently but I looked at his phone and found out he had text messages from a girl he met in a club. I questioned him about this and he said he didn't care for her and he hadn't texted her recently. The messages were sexually explicit (from her) he had deleted the messages he had sent her, so I don't know what he said to her for her to send these replies. But from reading her responses there were obvious plans that they would meet up, but for some reason I don't think they have. I really love this guy so much and feel so sick, hurt and cheated by him. I don't know what to do and feel quite suicidal. I just can't deal with this pain. I said I'd give him another chance but all I feel is anger towards him. I don't know if I can stand to live with this pain inside but I definatly can't live without him in my life! What do Ii do? Please help :-(Can people ever get over this? Will I never trust him completely again? I don't know whether giving another chance is the right thing to do. But I know for my own mental health that if I finished things now I really couldn't live. So staying with him and hoping things will be better is my only hope. I'm so confused please help!
View related questions:
both virgins, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2005): Let me tell you what I wouldve done , and why. I wouldve asked him first of all why are meeting females at clubs, and how did she get your phone number.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 April 2005):
 Ease up on yourself and him, hon. You're making mountains out of molehills here!In your mind, you're already stamping out of his life with a tragic frown tattooed on your face, never to love again... Get real! Look at the facts:1. You read the messages on his phone. Sounds like you're guilty of snooping. Sometimes snoops find out things they would rather have not known.2. He said he didn't care for this other girl and hadn't texted her recently.3. There is absolutely NO evidence that he replied in a similar vein to her messages.4. There is no evidence that they met up, or have any intention to.5. You describe him as "caring, considerate and accepting", prior to your prying into his phone.You're trying really hard to whip yourself into a frenzy of righteous wrath over this, but, you've got nothing to work with. Cut him some slack. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean they go deaf and blind to the attentions of other people. What appears to have happened here is that some chick in a club tried to interest your b/f, but gave up when he didn't reciprocate. Isn't that what you'd hope for and expect? Aren't you flattered that he would rather be with you than her?What more could he have done than ignore her and wait for her to lose interest? Did you expect him to conduct a public flagellation because another woman found him attractive? Hey, remember: he ignored her advances and stuck with you. That's pretty good, don't you think?If he's as good to you as you describe in the first part of your letter, you should apologise to him for overreacting and just be grateful that he did what any reasonable woman would want her boyfriend to.You also need to work on your self-esteem issues and the way that they're making you worry yourself over little nothings... but then, you didn't ask about that.
...............................
|
