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anonymous
writes: I'm hurting like mad. I lied to my girlfriend and she found out I lied. She hates liars cos her ex husband lied and played away.We've been together for 2 years until she found out I lied about something. I'm in a guitar duo and said I wrote an album and sang on it (which I didn't) I gave her this album and she loved it, so did all her friends. That was 12 months ago. Now a couple of weeks ago, one of the songs was played on TV and she heard it.I've never heard of this singer cos he plays country. I don't know why I did it - probably for her to be proud of me. Now she only wants to be friends, but it's killing me I've said sorry loads of times but I've hurt and made her look like a fool. She said she'll never trust me again. I'm so sorry for what I did and just want another chance. How do I win her back? I love her so much. I know what I did was stupid and I regret it deeply. I'm 35 and shes 37, with 2 kids who I love too. Please help; I'm so desperate.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 April 2005):
 You have to come clean about the whole thing to her, and start fresh.Did you tell her that you only made that boast because you wanted to impress her? It doesn't excuse the lie, but she'd have to be made of stone not to feel a tiny bit flattered by that admission.Tell her the whole truth: that you lied because you wanted her approval, that it got 'way out of hand, that you're embarrassed and that you regret ever having said it. Put it in a letter if she doesn't want to talk about it.But she's made her position clear already. You sort of have to accept whatever her judgement is on this, because you already knew that she hated liars. Once she understands everything that was going through your mind, and when enough time passes for you to have shown that you're not a habitual fibber and/or a cheat, she may realise that she misses you.This is going to take some time, and it'll be less painful for you if you accept that right now. Because she has such bad associations with lying, it's going to take her a long time to get over finding out about this. You have to give her that time.Try to stay in her life whilst being unobtrusive. Maybe you could offer to mind the kids for a day or so to give her a break and to let her know how much you care about them (and her). It's a tough balancing act, but try to be available for her, while not being a pest.Take all the opportunities you can to show her that you're honest and truthful and that you won't ever lie to her.She may come around - in fact, she probably will if you're sincere - but be sure you never blow your second chance!Good luck.
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