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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I've made friends with a really great guy at college, and we are due to finish this summer, when he will probably move home. I absolutely love this guy as a friend, and i think i would like to have more than that, but at the moment i know i'm not ready for a relationship. The thing is, he has really helped me just by being my friend - he's made me feel much more confident with myself, comfortable with what i like/want in life, he makes me laugh and smile when i'm with him, and he's unknowingly inspired me to be a better person myself, and to go after things that make me happy rather than things which i think will make other people happy. I feel like i have spent my whole life doing this and finally i might be able to start looking after myself instead. It's really promising and makes me happy.I want to tell him how he has done this for me, and i want him to know how much i want to stay in touch with him when college finishes, he's really one of the best friends i have ever made. Trouble is, i'm afraid that he doesn't really feel anything like that for me, i really don't know whether saying it will strengthen our friendship or not. We haven't known each other for that long - a few months really, but we've spent a lot of time together and i feel quite close to him and i think we have shared things with each other that we haven't with other people. I really want to know how much i mean to him.I desperately want to stay friends with him, wherever we are, so how can i do this with only a few weeks left???Please help!?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): If he's cool with being your "best friend" great. If he's looking for a more romantic relationship with you, it's going to be a problem. Nobody likes to be stuck in the "friends zone." While it's always good to know how much you helped the other person, there is a strong possibility that after "the talk" that the guy will end up feeling used. Nothing is worse for a guy than hearing how great they are, then being rejected romanticly. If things work out, great. If not, then give him some space. It's still possible to be friends, but only if both parties are on the same page.
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reader, dan102938 +, writes (16 May 2005):
That's a tuff one and I'd say you'd have to decide if you love him as a friend or as a boyfriend, if you want to call it that. So I guess you would have to make up your mind pretty soon I guess if you want to start dating and stuff. I'm not the best advice giver because I'm only 12 and I only know a little about girls and there emotions and everything and I really want to be a good, true, nice, wonderful, considerate and thoughtful guy to someone soon so i'm trying to be by and learn from people. So that's why I'm on this thing............good luck
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (5 April 2005):
 I think you did a great job explaining what you feel he's done for you in your letter here. Why not use that as a starting point? Then you can either hand him your thoughts as a letter or email it to him when you've parted.No one could fail to be flattered by being told that their support has made another person feel better about herself, regardless of what his feelings - friendship, romance or other - might be.I'm sure you can stay friends if you both put in the effort. Arrange to phone or email each other at fairly regular intervals and go from there.Good luck.
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