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anonymous
writes: Wow! I thought everything was going great but I found out otherwise...I am just wondering if anyone has any idea what is going on... my girlf... ex-girlfriend and I had been going out for about 3 months... but she lives out of town. Anyways, she came up on Saturday and gave me a call asking me if I wanted to get together and do something, and then she asked if I wanted to join her family for watching a video... and after that asked me to go to her church. After not seeing her for about a month this was awesome, and I was so happy just to be with her.Anyways, on Tuesday she gives me a call and asks if I want to get together again... of course I said yes. So we went on a nice walk (for about an hour and a half) and talked about everything (I thought everything was going great). Then all of a sudden she tells me she isn't ready for a relationship... because of school and everything.Then she continues on to tell me how people date to marry, and she isn't ready to get married (which I understand, and we had only been going out for 3 months anyways [and no, I didn't ask or even hint it]).Then she goes on to tell me the usual line (it's not you...) and that if it is in God's plans we will get meet again sometime... Maybe it is because I am a guy, or maybe I read too much into stuff, but this just doesn't seem right. A week ago she was so excited (or so she told me) about going to her Gmas and then to a concert... (btw, I got dumped 2 days b4 it).Anyways, I obviously still care a lot for her, and right now I am really angry (at her and myself for not having any ideas it was about to end). But I just want to know if something else is going on. I mean, after she broke up with me she acted like nothing had even happened... I just don't get it.All right, with that I am going to shut up.Thanks for the help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2005): I know how you feel, my ex-boyfriend and I were together for 3months, and I thought everything was good also, I mean he even moved in with me, but then one day he left and I have not heard from him since. I know he is ok, because I have talked to his best friend, but how can someone just leave like that? Anyways I know how you feel, because even though he did that to me I still love him, and I would still take him back, but the crazy thing is.... I am not mad at him for it, nor was I ever. Infact I was mad at myself for it. Sorry I haven't really helped you with your problem, but I just wanted to let you know, your not alone in this.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 March 2005):
 It's always going to be chancy trying to read the mind of the third party, but it sounds a lot like you're competing with a major diety for the title of Most-Important-Person in her life.So, er... good luck.Because religious types often have even more conservative families, it may be that her family members are putting pressure on her to drop you for whatever reason. It could be that you don't fit their perception of what sort of partner she should have. Maybe it's a ploy to see if they can pressure you into converting to their religion, or it could just be exactly what she told you, that she wants to concentrate on school.There could also be undertones of a sexual nature in the break-up. I'm thinking specifically that she was tempted and thought it was safer to flee and/or dump you than to have to deal with those risky feelings.I'm sorry that you were blindsided by this. From your telling of the story, it really seems to have come from nowhere. For what it's worth, I don't think that this is a very common occurance in the general female population. You're clearly intelligent and perceptive and you were keen to keep seeing her; most women would walk barefoot over hot coals to find a man like that.Unless you want to replay this experience over and over again, I'd counsel you to steer clear of this woman. Leave her to her strange and inexplicable ways and find someone who's more upfront about what's going on in her mind.Take care!
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