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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm Chloe,I have a dilemma! I'm 12 years old (soon) and I think I'm falling for a boy at school and I don't think it's a crush-I think it's more than that! I think about him every second of the day, worried that he won't love me! I feel so stupid because he asked me out and I said "no" and I don't know why! I think I was worried because of loads of people fancy me and I've had loads of boyfriends but I haven't got off with any of them! On the other hand he's had loads of girlfriends and he's got off with loads of girls! That's why I said "no"! I'm scared that he will say to everyone that I can't kiss but I know he isn't like that and he wouldn't do that! So how do you kiss and how do you know whether you're in love? I really think I am in love and I can't stop thinking about this boy!Am I in love?Can I kiss?How do you kiss?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 April 2005):
 If you're thinking of this boy "every second" and worrying that he won't "love" you, (when you aren't even involved with him yet), it's definitely a crush. It's extremely common in girls your age. It's also bordering on unhealthy obsession and could end with you being unnecessarily hurt. But why are you so anxious to hurry into dating? The reason that you probably told him "no" when he asked you out, was that some part of your brain knows the real truth about the way you feel: you're not ready to go out yet. It's a big, scary, baffling step, and your brain knows that you don't yet know what you're doing. THAT's why you said No. So congratulations to you; you did the sensible thing! Now, S-L-O-W----T-H-I-N-G-S----D-O-W-N.What's the headlong rush into the confusing world of dating and kissing anyway? You're not even 12 yet! No one will think less of you if you wait a couple of more years to start going out with boys. Most young women are meeting the men that they want to marry when they're 28 or 29, or even older. Don't feel like you "have to" have boyfriends at your age. You've got another 15 years before anyone will worry that you're not attractive enough!Try to enjoy the age you're at, because you only get to be 12 for one short year. After that, you don't get to be a kid, ever again, because people will expect you to start acting like a young adult. Trust me on this one: 12 years that you get to be a kid, followed by about 75 years when you have to behave like an adult. Don't waste the "kid" years trying to grow up too quick!As to your other questions about love/kissing, remarkably, you'll find that they sort of answer themselves in a few years, when you're more ready to go out with boys. Love is a tough question for anyone, but the kissing is just something people work out for themselves, through trial and error. Remember that a boy who'd bag you out for not knowing how to kiss isn't such a great person anyway... so why would you want to kiss someone like that?I know, I know. This is no answer at all. Or is it?
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