| A ,
anonymous
writes: Sue and I split in the first of the year. The split due in large part to an addiction problem. She stayed throughout the recovery process, only to leave (due to emotional fatigue) 9 mths later. Since then, we have rekindled a 3 month friendship that's great, but no romance. Question: she was set up on a blind date. She informed me of this date despite always stressing we are only friends. Why tell? and How do I respond? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 April 2005):
 I assume that she told you because she didn't want you to hear it second-hand from someone else and then be angry or upset with her. It's only been a few months since you split and even though you're only friends right now, she surely still remembers that you were more than that, and she doesn't want to feel like she's "sneaking around" behind your back. Yes, SHE knows you're only friends and stressed that to you, but the latent hostility in your letter suggests that you haven't accepted that yet.Furthermore, a blind date is only an agreement between two parties who don't know each other to meet somewhere. And this one was set up by someone else... Pleeeeze. It's not like she was announcing her intention to elope with the village idiot. Relax already.The way you respond is the way your heart tells you to. How do you feel about the prospect of her happiness? (Have you even given much thought to how she must been feeling? Nine months of dealing with an "addiction problem"? She must be emotionally drained. I'd want to give her a medal for even being able to consider dating again...)If you're happy that she's carrying on with her life, you'd say something along the lines of "Well, I'm glad that you're getting along OK. I hope you find someone to make you happy".If you're unhappy that she's seeing someone else, you'd say something like "Would you consider me as your next 'blind date'? Maybe I can do something that'll surprise you."If you're happy with just being friends with her, you'd respond like a friend: "Oh, you're brave! Tell me how it goes, OK?"You sound pretty stressed out about the break up, and maybe being 'friends' with her right now is a bit too close to be good for you. Consider backing off for a few months. Give her your email address so you can stay in touch, but I'd suggest you not be too intimate with each other's lives, if you can avoid it. At least until the hurt you're feeling heals a bit.Good luck.
|
