A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, and thank you...First of all I'm very much still in love with my bf but I'm starting to give my head a shake. After all he has done to me, I don't know why I'm still hanging on. Its been a roller coaster ride from the beginning. From sweet and charming to angered, and so analytical, and hypersensitive. I have to watch how I word things constantly, or he finds fault and yells at me! He is insanely jealous and demands most of my time. Makes me feel very guilty if I don't spend enough time with him. I have a busy lifestyle and can't be with him 24-7 but I do the best I can. My car recently started having problems so I took it into the garage to have it looked at and he asked right away if men were trying to pick me up. Then he demanded that I send a picture to him of my car being in the garage! He has had trust issues throughout our relationship and I kept reassuring him I'm loyal and I love him but I can't keep doing that. Its making me irritable because I'm always being interrogated. I can't have a girls night out, he insists he needs to be there as men will look at me or try and hit on me. I've expressed I'm an adult and quite capable of saying "no". Still my gf's keep asking me and I decline because I don't want to be on trial when I tell him. He has his own rules which never apply to him. He says he goes to lounges himself(himself?) He never openly admits it until I've called or have come by to find he isn't there. He spends money like its water and never has enough to take me out. I feel like a doormat yet he has such an amazing side where he's supportive, caring, complimentive, loving. Although it doesn't take much for him to turn sweet to sour and I can't handle the mood swings. What should I do?
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male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 I was going to answer this after only reading as far as the garage incident, but I kept going only to come to the same conclusion - this guy is a joke. At least you are starting to see that for yourself.
I'm sure he has some good qualities, but there are plenty of other guys out there with those qualities without being controlling and untrusting, two of the worst faults a man can have. It's terrible that you are missing out on your social life because of him. Your social circle is more important than any guy, because guys come and go. What happens if you and the guy finish later down the road and the friends you once had aren't there anymore? I know that sounds extreme, but I think all people have limits and some tire of people who reject their invites every time, so the invites eventually stop. Don't let this happen to you!
I know it's hard to let go of someone you love, but I don't think he's good for you any more. Holding on to him will do much more harm than good. Leave him and go make up for lost time with your friends. Have fun and answer to no one!
A
female
reader, Eilish +, writes (4 May 2011):
 This is the behaviour of a controlling relationship. Leave him. He is stopping you from having freedom which you should still have in a relationship. He is stopping you from seeing your friends. You must still always have friends by your side. if your relationship falls apart and they have given up making effort with you because your bf has pushed them away, then you will be on your own. He is trying to keep you for himself. This obsessive and possessive behaviour is not normal. You may love him, but truth is do you really want to carry on living your life this way? Because people like this never change no matter how many times they may say they do. Also, if you refuse to do as he says how do you know this relationship couldn't turn violent? Leave him. Find someone who respects your space. Find soemone who lets you have a life!
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A
female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim  +, writes (4 May 2011):
I found I did the same. I somehow ignored that everything was so crap just because I guess I thought id be happier with someone who I had put on a pedestal and genuinely believed it was good with that being single.
I think you need to end it.
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A
male
reader, Dough +, writes (4 May 2011):
Leave him. This is a classic cycle of control. He is angry (possibly violent), makes you feel bad and subordinate, then walks on egg shells to keep you from leaving and is appologetic, wonderful and caring until he turns into Mr. Hyde again. It will only get worse and ultimately can end poorly for you and him. Leave him cautiously, speak to a counselor or therapist first. He isolates you from your friends because he is afraid they will help you away from him, and if they were any kind of friends which fully knew your situation, they would. Be careful when you leave. It can get violent quick, which is why I suggest speaking to a therapist first, and possibly law enforcement. - GOOD LUCK!
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