A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im 14 and have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, the other day suggested that we take things further. When he says further, he means blowjob, fingering, dry sex and sexting. I spoke to my mum and she said she wasnt bothered as long as we didnt have sex and we did it under her roof so she knew i was safe. Im willing to do it, but i want to know of im breaking the law first and what other people think, does this make me a slag? Thanks :)
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female
reader, Aunty Abzy +, writes (10 June 2011):
 ok i respect how you feel and i am only 18 i know how you feel i personally waited untill i was 16 but girls your age will be doing all sorts of things. I think it is fantastic that you have been together two years and you have looked for advice on this, you seem rather mature for your age. i hope all went well at your sleepover :)
As for celtic tigers advice i think its wrong too scare this young girl with what you have said, it is purly her decision and if she is ready then why not ? everyone has too do it at some point and if she thinks he's the right person then she wont regret a thing.
i wish i was more like you when i was 14 :)
I hope you and your boyfriend are happy :)x
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I have just seen your update, and you obviously have not taken on board any of our advice.
I really hope for your sake that this doesn't backfire on you, as it is obvious you will not listen and you obviously think you know best.
You are only 14 and you will regret "planning to do some stuff".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): Thanks for all your answers, me and my boyfriend are planning a sleepover this weekend and plan to do some stuff, i will let you guys know! :)
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A
female
reader, sunandstars +, writes (29 May 2011):
Firstly, everything you mentioned is against the law until you are 16. You say you've been together for two years, although you have waited a long time, you are still only 14, you may regret something you do in the future. And, to be quite honest, if you are bothered about being called a slag then you are not ready; this shows that you care what other people think, which could be influencing your decision. You cannot make a decision like this is you are being influenced, even only a tiny bit, it must be purely yours. In my opinion you are still too young and I think you should wait until you are 16.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): You've been together long enough to know what you want & nobody can call you a slag because you've been together so long so it's not like you're doing it with someone you don't know well
Aslong as you're happy with doing that then do what you like, it isn't breaking the law unless you actually do have sex
But if you wanted to nobody's stopping you just make sure you stay safe
It's good that your mum's also okay with it too, just don't do anything that you don't want to do
:) xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): You know what you are doing all the right things, talking to your mum, thinking about what you are doing rather than rushing things then regretting it later. I have an idea for you, work on yourself, discover how your body works, what makes you orgasm, then when you are older, you will be ready to show him the way.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Celtic tiger is right. At your very young age it is not just about being in a good relationship, your actions now can affect the rest of your life.
I am also very concerned that your mum has given you the go ahead, its good to be close but this is past the line! I know what 14 year olds look like, I know how they think because I was one not too long ago (I'm 21). You ARE basically still a child.
Having sexual contact or sending eachother sexual messages/pictures to eachother could cause a lot of trouble with the law.
Wait until you're 16
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A
female
reader, Miss Taterbutt  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 What bothers me the most, is the fact that a parent, especially a mother, would consent to a fourteen-year-old having any type of sexual relations. Maybe she'll be okay with raising her kid's baby, too.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (29 May 2011):
You might also want to look at these.http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12385159http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=6864809 page=1http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28679588/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/t/sexting-surprise-teens-face-child-porn-charges/http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girl-friend-gave-me-a-picture-of.html
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (29 May 2011):
Ok, lets get things straight here.
*SEX* is not just intercourse. Oral sex (blow jobs, licking out), fingering, handjobs, dry sex..... they are ALL sex. ANY sexual act is considered to be sex.
ANY type of sexual action below the age of 16 is Illegal in the UK.
So, if you do any of these things, even if you say yes, technically it will be classed as sexual assault or rape.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/age_of_consent
Also, sexting. If you are producing any kind of naked/sexual image and sending it to someone, technically this is child porn. YOU could be charged with making child porn and punished accordingly. This could even include being registered as a sex offender - there have been cases where this has happened. Google it.
You are still only 14 - a child. And I know you dont want to hear that, but it is the truth. Your body and emotions are still not fully developed, and having a sexual relationship at this age can seriously affect how you grow and treat relationships later. As yet, you do not understand the full consequences of sex.
IF your boyfriend cares as much about you as you say, then he will wait until you are both of legal age. Its only another two years.
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A
female
reader, kylieekristina +, writes (29 May 2011):
 I agree with the other respondant in regards to being open and honest with your mum....that's wonderful. I'm assuming he was the one who brought it up to you so I wanted to add something to her advice. Really sit down and think about how YOU feel about it. Are you comfortable with what all he is suggesting? Maybe your only comfortable with some of what is suggested. Take that honesty to your boyfriend. It seems as you two truely care about eachother and I'm sure he will understand if you deciede your only comfortable with some things to start off. Sexual experiences can be truely wonderful if you are 100% comfortable. I've never enjoyed anything sexually when I was "talked into it". It was when my own curiousity brought me to try something , I really enjoyed myself. And your partner will enjoy things much more if you are as comfortable and excited as he is to try it. One more suggestion....You've already waited 2yrs.....so your doing well at taking it slow....no need to stop that now. Try one thing, get good at that, before you move on to the next. You can never undo something you have already done, and it sounds like the two of you plan on staying together for as long as possible so go nice and slow and enjoy every little thing that comes with being a responsible young lady and young man whom love eachother. Good luck to you two!!
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A
female
reader, Edge of Thornes +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Depends on where you are and how old he is. You are under the age of consent in all but some third world countries (most are 16-18) I know in the USA some states make exceptions if the boy is basically the same age as the girl. Some define sex only as penetration, others define BJs as everything from sex to perverse. You need to look for your country/state on a recently updated site.http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htmBTW my understanding is your mother can give you approval for marriage but NOT for sex and the police can charge your BF (if its criminal that is) and MIGHT be able to charge her as well.I'd be more worried if I was the BF as if he were to break up with you, you could get revenge, but revealing he had been having sex with a fourteen year old girl. Statutory rape, lewdness with a minor, corrupting the morals of a minor and a host of other crimes, if for some reason the cops wanted to throw the book at him, the last one might apply to your mother as well.
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Well, you are below the age of consent in the UK which is 16, so therefore if you were to have sex it would be considered as "illegal". From that point of view I would advise you steer clear of intercourse until you're both over 16.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with "fooling around" as long as it is something you both want to do and as long as you know where to draw the line (say "no") if things start to get uncomfortable. I think it's great that you have been mature enough to ask your mum about the subject. This shows that you are a sensible individual, and in doing so it will mean that there will be more trust between you and your mum, which is an excellent thing to have.
Also, you have been with your boyfriend for two years now and you have only now started to talk about sexual activity. I wouldn't consider that "slaggy" at all. A "slag" might have just gone in and slept with someone at the first opportunity. You haven't done that, so don't worry about what people at school think. Chances are if they were to make comments like that they will be making them out of a mixture of immaturity and jealousy for the strong relationship you and your boyfriend have. Just try and remember that!
It sounds to me like you're handling the situation very well, so keep it up! Hope this was of help!
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A
female
reader, Bee Rose +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Awwwh, hun, you're not breaking the law!
Bless ya! I take my hat off to you though, telling your Ma, that you have been talking about going further into the relationship is amazingly mature for a girl to do, especially at your age!
I say take things slowly don't go doing things all at once, and don't make him push you into anything okay? Promise me?
Just like I said, tiny little footsteps, start off with something small. Like, I think you said sexting? That's small enough.
Don't rush and stay open to your Mum
Hope I helped hun :))
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A
female
reader, The Devils-Angel +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Hey I'm 13 and no it does not make you a slag. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over 3 weeks and we have talked about it but we have never followed through with it. In my opinion it's up to you if you want to go for it don't let what other people think change your point of view...that is not healthy at all. So if you want to then do it if you don't then tell him that and if he truely loves you he will understand and not presure you until you are ready.
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