A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:I'm going to visit friends back in the town where I went to university, but I'm worried about running in to my ex.Mine and my ex's relationship was short term, but we got on incredibly well with each other and formed a strong, loving relationship. The relationship was ended only because I was graduating and she was in her first year. She didn't want a long distance relationship and didn't want me to adjust my life just to be with her. A short time after we broke up she started seeing another guy who she is still with today, and crazy as it might seem it still hurts a lot to think about and I think about it too much for my own good.Since then, contact between us has diminished a great deal. We are only in contact when she contacts me. But she has often expressed desires to be good friends and for me to come and visit her, but I understandably have little desire to. I want to be her friend eventually, but I have yet to move on from her so it isn't possible yet. She has said that if I ever come to town it would be great to see me. Well, now I am and I'm incredibly nervous and not sure what to do!I can either go to town, see my friends, have a good time and just hope not to run in to her, or, I can tell her I'm coming to town and see what she says. If I don't tell her and she see's me in town she will be angry with me for not telling her and will know that I purposely didn't inform her, but if I do tell her then I run the risk of seeing her, which a part of me really doesn't want... I really wish that feeling would go away, it would make things so much easier! Why can't I get over her??I see this as a bit of a catch 22, but maybe I just need some outside perspective. Can anyone advise me?
View related questions:
broke up, long distance, move on, my ex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Just go and have a good time, if she's seeing someone it's not really appropriate for her to be meeting an ex anyway!
It's unlikely you'll bump into her anyway, unless you are hanging around the spots she goes to!...... I know a lot of people in my town, which is quite small, but it's very rare I ever "bump into" them, even if iv been in town the same day :)
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (19 September 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hmmm, I see the jury is out on this one. I'm very thankful for the answers, but I'm not closer to deciding what action to take! I see your point about how it doesn't matter how she reacts if she catches me, but I don't want her to think that I'm avoiding her, even though that may be true!
I just don't know!
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Hi,I don't blame you for feeling this way, after all you both had a good relationship, and just ended to circumstances that wouldn't allow you both to be together. It's hard to move on when you still have feelings for her. Also, you must be heartbroken to know that she's already in a new relationship. This only make things much more difficult. I guess running from the situation will not solve anything, or make you feel better. I k is you can't help feeling this way. It's not your fault, and sometimes we can't control how to feel, or who to choose to like/love. Also, you can't blame her either. She was honest with you, because she knew she wouldn't be able to be on a LDR. I know, life is unfair sometimes, but you just have to accept, and deal with it. If I were you, I would put a strong face, call her, let her know you are coming to visit, and meet her if she chooses to do so. She appreciates you as a person, and wants to be friends, so accept it. Also, it's only going to be a one time meeting, if it happens. I think seeing her will be good for you, will give you some kind of closure. I just ended a 10 years relationship, so I know the pain, how you are feeling. I know it's very difficult, but with time things will get easier. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Don't tell her . If she gets angery, so what ? It may be for your own good. It may prompt her to stop contacting you and leaving you alone , which is precisely what you need to finally get over her. This " let's stay friends " thing rarely has any sense or point and it's just a way to keep the more vulnerable one stuck in the past.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 I would tell her you are coming to town but that you are going to be really busy and may not have time to see her. If you do run into her you hold your head up high and look her in the eye with as much confidence as you can muster. Don't let her see that you are still hurting make her think you are happy and confident and loving life.
That old cliche of time heals all wounds is chiming in my head for you. You will get over her in time and honestly I think this trip to town is the first step for you into really putting her in your past.
All the bst my friend, you will be ok!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 September 2011):
 You are close.....
This only qualifies as a "Catch Eleven".... since it's all in YOUR mind, and not in the minds of others....
Go and have a good time. If you run in to the ex-..... SO WHAT???????
...............................
|
