A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im 15 and i really want a baby. i know this is not really the best idea ever but i feel like i was born to be a mother. i have wanted a baby since i was 11 and like the idea of being a teenage mum. i currently dont have a boyfriend so it wouldnt be straight forwards. but i could easily find a guy who wouldnt mine helping me along. is this idea totally crazy? or is it a good idea? and if so how can i make it a reality?
View related questions:
want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 July 2011):
 erm congratulations?
you have a tough job ahead of you and there will be times when you think 'what have i done???' i wish you all the best for you and your baby, your childhood is now officially over, bit of a shame really coz you could have chilled out and had an easy time and fun for a bit longer and THEN started your family. just do your best, which is all any parent tries to do
x
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I am still curious to know who shells out the cash for your little bundle of joy ( not you for sure )
And if these persons/institutions who will have to pay on your behalf, are exactly as elated as you at the idea of this pregnancy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionps im now pregnant and its the best thing thats ever happened to me
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Yes it is very crazy, I'm 15 I will be 16 in a couple days. I got pregnant and had my son at 15. Me and the father are in a very good relationship, he's older so he works while I go to school. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I've never loved like this. Although it may seem "fun" it's not it's hard and I wish It would of happend differently. It's alot of work and sometimes I just cry because its to much to handle. I never go out anymore or buy things for myself. Please don't ruin your youth with something you can have later in life.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (8 June 2011):
i am sure you will make a great mother WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT but not now and you are never gonna find anyone on this site who will give you their blessing with this.
it is probably a case of teenage hormones working overtime that is making you feel this yearning to be a mother. this will settle down as you get a bit older and then you will be SO GLAD that you didn't act on it!
the fact that you are here asking this (sorry but..) silly question tells us that you are not grown up enough to have a child. just wait til you are older, educated, maybe married or at least in a stable relationship coz if you have a baby now, you are likely to BOTH have a shit life
x
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Well, what do you think yourself?
Have you read up on baby-care, or been taking care of young children while growing up? Do you know much about it?
Do you have an income, and a place to live? Your parents house doesn't count, you can't really be as selfish to force them to take in a baby or support the baby AND you. You need to stand on your own two feet before you can carry someone else with you (the child), don't you think?
If all that is set, work, home, money, knowledge, then it's just a matter of getting to it. It's easy to get pregnant, you just have unprotected sex. It's difficult to find a man who will be willing though, and, no offense, but the tendency is that the uneducated get children early. Which means if you want a younger man close to yourself in age to be the father, he'll most likely not have a good job, and be uneducated.
But, sure. If you check all the boxes of what's necessary to have, strictly practically speaking, go ahead if this is what you truly want.
I'll warn you though, it is your hormones that are talking. EVERY TEENAGE GIRL wants to have a baby. It typically is the strongest at 14-17, then we're all baby crazy, just as the boys are always thinking about sex. So, just a heads up that this might not be what YOU want, but simply what your hormones tell you to do.
Maybe you should just take this strong desire as a sign that you definitely want to have children in your future, and work towards that goal. Find a nice man who you want to share your life with, and who wants to be committed to you. And have a decent income and a home of your own.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 In one word. YES!
Your body, your mind and surely your financial state is NOT mature or really ready for a baby.
IF you want to get an INKLING of what it takes to be a mom, get a puppy. A nice 8 week old one. Make sure you can afford ALL the shots, monthly flea/tick/work medication, then of course there is the food. The training.( Potty and obediance.) Then you need to consider WHY watches the dog while you are gone, because you will need to get a job to afford all that. Also the first few months you will have to take your puppy out to go potty every 2 hours, teach it not to chew on stuff.... The list is longer, but it's jsut a SHORT look at what a "fur-parent" need to know. Being a parent of a baby is much much harder.
Get yourself an EDUCATION, travel, grow up. THEN find someone who can help you raise and support a child.
Having a baby is not about dressing him/her up - or having baby showers with your friends. It's about sleepless nights (and days). Dirty clothes, diapers, feeding, bathing, teaching, loving, nurturing...............
Where would you get the money? Labor costs around $12,000 and that is jsut giving birth. You also need pre-natal care and post natal care. Then the monthly cost of a baby is around $900 a month. But since you are so young, birth defects are common, which mean you might get a baby that needs constant medical care which can run in the thousands. Since yo uare 15, you can't drive and I doubt you own a car, so who is going to take you and the baby to the hospital when it gets sick? or need medical attention? How about the "daddy", does he work? can he afford the $900+ a month? Plus maybe rent, phones, a car, insurance?
Honey, don't be in such a hurry to end your childhood. There is NOTHING to gain by being a teen mom.
Be realistic. Be smart and wait.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): 100% honest answer = horrible idea.
It is very selfish of you to have a baby because you "want" one. Seriously think about the type of life you could provide for a baby, an innocent child, when you are just a child yourself and surely have not even 5% of the money it would cost to raise a baby for 18 years.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I understand what you mean when you say you "feel like you were born to be a mother" I am 27 yrs old and got preg at age 18. I wrote a poem when I was preg that said I wanted to be a mother, but did I mean to be so young. I think it's great that you already know you want to be a mother. I had the same feeling when I was your age. I did a lot of babysitting and knew one day I would be a great mother and that I would have children. The thought is great, but living it is very diff if it is not done at the right time. Every thing in life is about timing. Doing things at the right time will give you a lot better out come! Here's my story, I knew my b/f for 3mnths and got preg by him. I was 18 and he was 20. When I told him I was preg he left me. So, I was a single mom from preg. That alone was the hardest thing I have been through in my life thus far. It was like living a nightmare. I would hold my stomach and cry to my baby that I was so sorry that I was having her born already without a father. I had not know this guy for long and he ended up in jail when I was 6 mnths preg and was in prison until she was 7yrs old. I cried all the time when I was preg for all the hurt she was going to have to go through growing up because I didn't make the right chose in a father. My bad choice had already set her up for being hurt by her father. I asked myself and still do at the age of 27, "what is this going to do to her when she has a relationship" So, making the right choice in the father is a big key. It's great to want to be a mother, but being a good mother is making sure you find the right "man" to be the father. Last yr for x-mass I asked my daughter what she wanted and she said "I just want to talk to my dad". No matter how great of a mother I am I will never be able to be a father. We can't predict if our partner is going to stay or go, but we can lesson the odds by waiting. Let your mind mature and have relationships and learn from them. Relationships also help you learn about yourself. As you get older you will realize how you act in relationships and what you want out of a partner and that will help you make a better choice of a father. I can make it without the father, but from what I've seen in my daughter, it's heart breaking. when she was two she use to always ask for a daddy horse. I would buy her a "daddy" horse every chance I got, but she would still ask for one. It's very sad to watch your child go through that when there is nothing you can do. On top of dealing with the struggle of just being a single mom there are other problems you will have being a young single mom. I had my license and I had my own car. I could live on my own and I was already graduated from high school and it was still very hard. So, thinking of the pain and struggles I've gone through and knowing you are younger than me and do not have those things yet saddens me and makes me hurt for you if you were to get preg at your age you are now. After my daughter was born I work 72hrs a week. I worked at a hotel during the day and I worked at a club at night and was waking up 3 times a night to feed her. All I could think about was I had to make money to survive. I lived in survival mode and still do. I didn't have family help. I had to live on my own and only had my babysitter to help me witch I still had to pay. I was already working two jobs and could not find the time to go to school and was not making enough money at the same time. I was spinning my wheels. After a yr of this I moved to be loser to my mothers family. I was blessed to have a grandmother who helped me babysit her for free of charge. My daughters great grandmother is the only reason I have made it and I still need her help. When I'm I going to be able to help my grandmother? My grandmother should not have to be making up for my the choices that I made for myself and my life, but I'm so thankful to have her. The feeling I get from that is guilt and how will I ever repay her and will I be able to take care of her before it's too late. I want my grandmother see me succeed. So there's pain from my child not having a father and there's guilt for needing my family make up for my choice. It is very hard to live that way on top of feeling like your just trying to survive. I am now 27 yrs old and my daughter is 7 yrs old. I am a CNA and it took a lot of time to get there and there is no way I could have done that on my own. I make $10hr and that is not even close to enough to make it on your own these days and on top of that I have a child. I am trying to go back to school for LPN so then I will finally be able to support my child on my own. That will not be easy! I will have to cut back on work and I will see my daughter less. I will rely on my grandmother and my faith to get me through. It's been a hard life and I was older when I had my daughter than you are now. There has been many times that I question if I even made the right choice by keeping her, if I should have given her to parents that couldn't have a child. Thinking that she's the most amazing thing in the world and she really is someone truly special that she deserves to have two parents that have jobs that can afford to have a child a provide for her and give her what she needs. By keeping her have I set her up to fail? Could she be more in life if I gave her to a couple who was ready to be parents? These are just thoughts that I have had in my struggle of being a young single mom. Like I said in the beginning, it's great to know you want to be a mother and you feel like that's what you were met to be! So set yourself you for that! Being a mother is a full time job in its own! Take your time and work on having relationships. Talk to your parents about relationships and what it takes to be a good mother or ask advice from your friends parents as to what they think takes to be a good mother. While you are working on relationships and finding the right man, from high school go start into collage whether or not you know what you want to do. Doing that sets up for a plat form, like take a business class or marketing class. You can pay off student loans by substitute teaching. You can have an education to fall back on if you need to and you can choose when you substitute teach. So finding the right man and knowing how to have a healthy relationship will be keep if you want to be a full time mother. I would say for you to stay focused on what you want and if being a mother is what you want, being a good mother is going about it the best way you can. Set yourself up and make plans on doing that. And remember the best things in life are worth waiting for! And life is already hard enough why make it harder? :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Let me tell you a story:I have three sisters. Two of them were very young mothers - maybe not as young as you, but teenagers nonetheless who got pregnant in high school. One of them married the guy. The other one did not. The one who got married is now divorced and the other one didn't get any support from the father at all although he still wanted to see the kids sometimes. My parents paid for these mistakes in many ways and not just financially. The kids paid for it, too, in that they didn't have the type of upbringing they deserved with money a constant problem, mom off at work, and dad coming into and out of their lives. One of the kids ended up in jail for a year. The other one was molested by a relative of the father. Good times. My sisters paid for it, too, in that they never really got to enjoy being young and carefree. Their lives were (and are) very difficult even with all of the support they get from my parents, from each other, from my brother and I, and from their friends and extended family. It is only now that their kids are in their 20's that they are enjoying any sort of life. One of them is remarrying and the other one finally got her degree and has a real career. These are things that should have happened 20 years ago for them. BTW, my other sister still doesn't have children. She is happily married, financially successful, well-traveled, well-educated, and the envy of the family. She contributes a lot financially to the kids of the others and she has found her place in life while the other two are still struggling with their identities as adults (other than "mom").Which path do you think you want to take?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 June 2011):
And... who pays for your little bundle of joy ?
Not you for sure. At 15 you'll be in school.. and if you weren't I strongly doubt that you can earn enough to support yourself, let alone a baby.
So, who's gonna pay for your prenatal care, hospital, baby's formula and baby food, clothing, pediatrician, childcare, diapers...?
Your mom and dad ? Do they have any idea about the expensive surprise you have in mind for them ?... what do they say ?...
Or, the State- i.e. the taxpayers ?... Thank you darling on behalf of your fellow citizens, how very considerate of you, you f**k and the community pays.
In short : very bad idea.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 June 2011):
 it's a terrible horrible no good very bad idea.
Ask your mum for help with this one and see what happens.
...............................
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (7 June 2011):
 In short, this is a terrible idea. If you carry it out in doing so you will be throwing away the last years of your childhood and all the freedom that goes with it. Seeing friends, going out (something you haven't properly experienced yet, given your age), having boyfriends - all that and SO MUCH MORE is going to fly out the window if you go through this. All I can advise you is that you read KC100's answer IN FULL and CAREFULLY, it's a very through and thought out answer and it is essential that you read it. Read it a few times in fact!
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (7 June 2011):
a baby isnt a toy. you would struggle to take proper care of a pet at your age, let alone a human being. dont even think about doing it! have you any idea how irresponsible it is to deny a child the right to 2 parents? and whos going to support you? welfare? there are enough stupid girls getting pregnant and expecting the government to provide for them and their ever growing families already, no offence.
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (7 June 2011):
a baby isnt a toy. you would struggle to take proper care of a pet at your age, let alone a human being. dont even think about doing it! have you any idea how irresponsible it is to deny a child the right to 2 parents? and whos going to support you? welfare? there are enough stupid girls getting pregnant and expecting the government to provide for them and their ever growing families already, no offence.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I know that I'm digressing but a word about getting a puppy... all the posters have offered some good advice and mean well, but you have to remember that a puppy is a life and requires a good deal of responsibility. Too many animals wind up abandoned and ultimately die in horrible conditions because people adopted them without understanding the commitment and responsibility that owning an animal requires. They can feel pain, fear and loneliness just like people and, just like a human child, they need love and need to be provided for... get a puppy if you are ready to seriously take on the responsibility.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): You can easily find a guy to help you get pregnant. And you can easily find a guy that will tell you he is going to help you raise a child. But you will not so easily find a guy who will follow through on those promises. You need a guy that will go to work all day to put cash in your hand and stay home every friday night for the next 18 years.
Seriously, just see if you can find a guy to make a "down payment" of $1000 on the childbearing costs before knocking you up. You won't get it. (And $1000 is virtually NOTHING compared to what a child costs. NOTHING. Not even in the short term. You can spend that kind of money just on normal pregnancy costs before the child even arrives.)
The fact that you want a child does absolutely nothing to justify having one at your age. When I was 15 I really wanted a sports car and a huge bank account. So what? I had REALLY wanted that stuff since I was 11 and younger too. I still want it now. But wanting something and being ready to handle it are not the same thing. Neither is wanting something and being able to pay for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Ok, in terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant and childhood disorders and a higher rate of infant mortality (death). Low-birthweight babies are more likely to have organs that are not fully developed, which can result in complications, such as bleeding in the brain, respiratory distress syndrome, and intestinal problems.
- Pregnant teens have a higher risk of getting high blood pressure - called pregnancy-induced hypertension - than pregnant women in their 20s or 30s. They also have a higher risk of preeclampsia. This is a dangerous medical condition that combines high blood pressure with excess protein in the urine, swelling of a mother's hands and face, and organ damage.
Aside from putting your health at risk and your unborn child's health at risk, here are the other issues that you need to consider:
1. Are you in a stable, long term relationship where the chances are you will get married in the near future? In your case the answer is a big fat NO! A random you have a one night stand with is not going to be a good father - a baby needs mummy and daddy to be in a long term relationship, for them to love each other and to be committed to each other for a very long time. You dont want to deprive the child of a father, that is very very wrong!
2. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child? Again, answer here is NO! You cant expect your mum and dad to help you out here and let you live at home with your baby, they already have one child (you!), they dont want another! And you cant expect the government to bail you out either. To raise a child properly you need a nice home of your own so you can bring the child up in a happy, clean and comfortable environment that he or she can call home. Stuck in your bedroom in your parents house is not a good home for a child.
3. Do you have a good career with future prospects? Again, lets guess what the answer is for you - NO!! You wont have even finished school, where on earth do you think the money is going to come from to raise this child? You need a good job that pays well to raise a child, otherwise you wont be able to feed him/her properly, clothe them, buy toys, take them on days out, pay for doctors etc....you will be struggling for every dollar and wont be able to provide for your child.
6. Do you have a car? Bet the answer is NO again! How do you expect to get around with your child? Do you think your mum and dad are going to act as a taxi service for you and the baby? What if your mum and dad are out and you need to get to the doctors or the hospital if the baby is ill? Without a car you will be stuck at home, wont be able to take the baby for more than a walk around the block and if there is an emergency you will be stuck.
7. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child? Have you thought about how much a child costs? It is estimated around $100,000 until the age of 18 - where are you going to get that kind of money from?
8. Do you have a supportive family network around you? As much as your mum and dad might help you, they might also disown you for getting pregnant at such a young age - what happens then? You cant rely on your parents to sort everything out for you and you can just sit there happy as larry holding the baby - unless you can provide for yourself then there is no way you can provide for a baby.
9. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child.
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
If you really want to be a mum, then surely you will want to be a good mum right? And aged 15, even aged 16, 17, 18 or 19 you CANNOT be a good mum. You cannot offer the child everything it needs, therefore you would be damaging the child. You can love it as much as you want - children need a heck of a lot more than just love alone.
What you are feeling is normal, a lot of teenagers have this issue (search dear cupid and you will see) - the reason you feel like this is because your hormones are running riot and telling you that you are ready for a baby. Once you have started your periods, your body thinks it is ready for a baby hence it releases lots of hormones that make you think about having babies. But this does not mean it is a good idea - quite the opposite!
You should not let hormones dictate your life, your brain is the sensible part here and you need to be sensible about this. You simply cannot give a child a good life, therefore wait until you are old enough when you can give a child a good life.
The key thing here is - if you cant provide for yourself (i.e. look after yourself totally independent from your parents) then you cannot provide for and care for a baby. Once you have moved out, got a job, a car, some savings.....etc then you can have baby. Until that day - you are not ready and you would only be hurting your child if you were silly enough to have a baby.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Y_v +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Heyy,
Well basicly i have quite a bit of experience with young children because i used to be a teacher in drama dancing and acting for 6 years. As well as this i have a little baby sister who is just 11 months and i help to look after her.
You need to ask yourself this...how would you affect others with this decision? I mean i'm sure you are really into kids and you would make a good mother some day but i just think that at 15 you still have a lot of growing up to do. Having a baby is VERY hard work.
You need to provide for this baby wayy more than you are providing for yourself e.g. giving the baby your time, effort, knowledge and comfort. You need to think about how your parents may be affected or how your going to find a potential boyfriend who is willling to look after a child. It is a LOT of responsibilty for a girl your age. Sorry if that sounds condescending.
I have a feeling that although you might think you would be okay with having a baby now, in couple of years or so you will struggle with the baby and regret the choice you made.
Overall don't rush this decision. You need to look at pros and cons of having a baby e.g.
pros- having a baby to love and to hold etc.
cons- not being able to provide for it and too much effort, etc
This decision will affect your future. It will completely change it. You might not be able to continue with your education leading to struggling to find a job leading to not being able to provide for the child because you have no money.
If you're still thinking of having one, please do your research! find out what you need to give that baby a great life :)
i hope this helps in SOME wayx
...............................
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Hopefully that cold glass of water in the face gives you a better picture of how your life is going to be and how you will be perceived if you proceed with this.
...............................
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (7 June 2011):
Are you even responsible for taking care of yourself yet? Baby's aren't playthings that you have when you want and then just hustle them off to your folks when you want to go to the mall or the lady gaga concert.
I am sure there is no shortage of guys that wouldn't mind using you for their own pleasure. Then once you get pregnant, you can use your kid for your own pleasures while using your family as babysitters and using everyone else (including me through my tax dollars) for support.
BE selfish with your own life. Do not bring another life into this world just to entertain a sick fantasy.
...............................
|
