A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I really don't know how to start.I'm having a long distance/online relationship with a guy whom i'm supposed to meet in July.He is a really great guy, fun to be around and a really nice person.The only problem is that were not on the same page when it comes to physical intimacy.He would like us to make love when we meet. I think i don't.He knows that physical intimacy is a big deal for me and that i'm really not comfortable with it. I'm a virgin he's not. We talked about it several times and he was doing his best to make me comfortable with it. But still the very thought of it is stressing me out and i don't feel comfortable with more than cuddling, snuggling, holding hands, hugging, and a kiss every once in a while.Sometimes i feel like there's something something wrong with me. He really cares but i truly think we're not on the same page. I know that for me the emotional side of the relationship is a lot more important and i know physical intimacy is important for him. So yeah i'm pretty much stuck there...
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female
reader, Julie29  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Sounds like he is really jumping the gun here. How long have you been chatting to this guy?
When it comes down it your meeting in July will to all intents and purposes be your first date, clearly you wouldn't be having sex on a first date anyway just let this guy know that, that is how YOU are viewing this upcoming meeting. If he doesn't like it then that proves he was only after one thing anyway.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Be up front about what your wishes and limits are. If you tell him beforehand that there will be no sex, you can't be more honest.
Also, I agree with NOT staying at his hotel/motel.
Stay safe.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Hello,
Just wondering....have you met him yet at all? I wonder because you say he is fun to be around. That implies you have met. If you haven't seen each other for real then You could not know how he is. Online, phones, texts are a lot different to meeting up and spending time together. If you havn't yet met up, I would be very cautious about things.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Do not let him guilt you into sex
DO NOT let him force you into sex
DO NOT set yourself up to be in a position where he can force you... (i.e. alone in his apartment or a hotel room)
IF he truly loves and respects you he will wait.
also do not be too disappointed if your face to face chemistry is different than the chemistry on the phone/skype/email/text
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys
i do feel like i shouldn't rush things and that i should wait
we've been together for a couple of months
and no i don't plan to save myself till marriage i just never found the right person and never got that far
i did tell him the things i'm not comfortable with and he tries to understand and help but he also gives the feeling that he needs more...
i just want to make sure he knows where we stand and when we meet he will know what to expect...
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A
female
reader, HelloGirl +, writes (2 May 2011):
Please do not do anything you are not comfortable with. If he truly cares about you, he will understand and be more than willing to wait for you.
Be sure to communicate clearly with him (before you plan to meet him in person) that you are not looking for a physical/intimate relationship with him yet. Observe how he treats you after this talk. If he is understanding and shows that he is still interested in getting to know you, then he is more likely sincere with his feelings for you. If he gets angry or tries to make you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with him, then he is no good, and you should probably stay away from him.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (2 May 2011):
 I always say that sex is a two-way thing, and should only be participated in unless both parties want to. If you feel it is too soon to have sex with him then you shouldn't. Besides, you are meeting for the first time and there's no guarantee that the two of you will click when you meet face to face, so you mustn't rule that out.
If you aren't ready yet, that should be a good enough reason not to go through with it. Wait until you're ready, whether it's the next time, the time after that, the tenth time or whenever. Don't rush it.
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A
male
reader, ball_boa +, writes (2 May 2011):
DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. u should allways whate till ur ready and u want to. if he poushes if then leave him. a lot of girls like to think men change as far as how thay treat there girls but as u deal with more men u will relize thay dont change thay just get better at hideing who thay rilly are pigs oink oink. dont give in if. he cant just injoy cudeling then he has a one track mined and is only after one thing.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Do NOT do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If he forces the issue, then that's a sign you're right that you're not on the same page.
I do think you should consider discussing a compromise. Maybe let yourself kiss some more, and have a makeout session. Physical intimacy is important to a relationship, but it does include all the things you like in addition to what he's asking for.
Ultimately, if he's pushing for sex, then this will cause you to question his true motives for your relationship. How long have you been "together." (I put it in quotes because this is an LDR) How often do you see each other? Are you saving yourself for marriage, or have you just not found someone who you wanted to lose your virginity to?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2011):
I think you need to stick to your guns, you will be ready when YOU are ready.
Don't feel like you HAVE to have sex with him (or anyone else) because THEY want it.
I would let him know straight out that there will be no sex the first time you guys meet, that way he can't have any expectations of sex. Now if the two of you hit it off and have encredible physical chemistry, who knows maybe next time you two meet.
As much as you can get to know someone over the net, meeting in person can be very different at times.
What your LD BF should care about is YOU feeling comfortable about HIM, not having sex with him, or your first time. IT IS OK to go slow. If he can't handle that, he isn't right for you.
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