A
female
age
30-35,
*rivateGirl
writes:I was recently seeing this guy and I really liked him, we finished it about five weeks ago due to circumstances.I was fine for a while but recently I just can't stop thinking about him, I dream about him all the time!I just don't know how to get over him when I loved him so much? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): My opinion is time heals most things. Not to say circumstances don't leave scars. Scars from love, unfortunately, are baggage people tend carry around. Sadly, this baggage can be carried for a lifetime. If not properly cared for, the burden of unhealed love wounds can have detrimental effects on future relationships. When it comes to love and relationships I believe a person chooses to either, move on and let go, or to sulk in what used to be or what might have been. It is simple, if it is meant to be, it will/would be. It takes time and it should.It's ok to hold on to memories of past love, as they have impacted our lives in some way or another. However, one needs to be able to keep moving forward with their own life. Looking back too long can stir emotions which may have taken a long time to tame. Regardless, of the past, life goes on and manages to works itself out, one way or another. Getting over the hump is the hard part.As for helping hints on how to let go of a love, I find it super helpful to write a letter. This letter isn't intended for the one u are trying to get over, it's a tool for you to use to reflect on yourself, the person you love, and the relationship you once had. Spill your heart out, tell it all, be honest from the bottom of your heart, write the good and the bad, but most importantly write about the relationship; ultimately the goal is to get emotions you feel down where you can see them.Then read out loud to yourself so you can see and hear your love, your relationship, the pros and cons all spelled out. It may be painful to see and to hear, but the point is to lay it all out. To see where it all went wrong and learn from it.Then you if choose to go down the dramatic road I suggest burning it ;) or tear it to sheds. If you want to get really creative, eat it, or simply get rid of it, which ever works for u. This is the step applies to the saying "if you love it, let it go." The best advice I can give to anyone is, one has to learn to love and be happy with themselves before they can love and be happy with life and their relationships. We take something away from every relationship we have, it may it be positive or negative. So when these relationships "end" one has to reexamine where they stand with themselves before they can move forward with life and then, someday, on to another relationship. If one doesn't take time to reflect and heal there is a tendency to live in the past, dwell on the what ifs, and make the same mistakes the next time around. In a nutshell, soul search, do what makes YOU happy, and move on with life with little expectation of other people. The only person you can truly depend on is the one you should love the most...YOURSELF!I have said far too much and got a bit off topic, but know that everyday will it get easier with time, don't sell yourself short, and most importantly NEVER settle for less!
A
male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Ahhh, circumstances. I am no stranger to the circumstantial break up. I have been in your situation a few times, let me tell you. Just out of curiosity, what were the circumstances behind the break up? How long were you together?
What you are feeling is completely natural and it can be agonizing. What's worse is there is no greater healer for what you're feeling than (you guessed it) TIME. Whenever I'm feeling like you do, reading that time heals all wounds never makes me feel better. I hate typing it almost as much as I hate reading it, but it is true. What helps me accept that fact is thinking in to the far future. Five years for example. Do you honestly think that in five years time you will still be thinking about this guy as you are today? No way! Somebody told me the same thing just after I broke up with my first love and I doubted it because back then I thought and dreamt of her all the time. I speak to you now with a year to spare and having loved and lost all over again and now I'm in a position where I look back on my first love and not feel sad anymore. Quite the opposite in fact! And I'm sure it will be the same for you and your ex.
Now, instead of waiting for time to do all the work like I originally did, HELP YOURSELF! I used to sit in my room and sulk and it didn't help me one bit. Get yourself out and about. Go see your friends and have fun. Also, learn to love yourself (something that I failed to do for a long time) and do this by treating yourself right. Exercise, treat yourself to some new clothes, eat healthily, get a hair cut, anything! Anything at all that will give you a boost to your confidence and give you reason to put a smile back on your lovely face.
Don't think that I'm patronising you or that I don't really know how you feel, because I know far too well what this is like. It hurts. You lost somebody you cared for and it doesn't seem at all fair. I'm very sorry. The best thing you can do is to concentrate on yourself for now. Nobody knows what may happen further down the road. People drift in and out of each other's lives a lot as the years pass. If it was meant to be it will be, but now is not the time. So go out, enjoy yourself and see what life has in store for you next. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised.
Good luck, and feel free to keep me updated.
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Focus on yourself rather then him. Do things with your frand and family. Try to not stay alone with your thaughts and when you think of him, get controle over your mind and remember all the reasons why it didn't work. Its about self controle and not letting you emotions take over your mind.
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