A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:I met with my ex for lunch today. It was the first time we had seen eachother in about a month and a half. We broke up just over 2 months ago after a 4 1/2 month relationship ended because I'm leaving town later this month. Contact between us have been very slim because I'm trying to separate myself from her and move on. I hope that one day we will be friends, but I know that we can't while I feel like I do.Anyway, we talked about what was next for me and her because she's recently started seeing someone else. I said that after I move away contact between us would probably fade away naturally. She then brought up the fact that me and her were supposed to go on a Segway rally for two later in the year, which was a christmas pressent from my parents back when me and her were together (she has always wanted to ride a segway). I said that I didn't think I'd be taking her anymore, saying that I'd probably enjoy it more with somebody else as opposed to an ex-girlfriend (I didn't suggest that I'd be taking a girl, I even said I'd maybe go with my best mate instead). She went a little quiet after that, saying she was disappointed I still see her as an ex and not a friend. She also expressed disappointment that this meant that after I move away, me and her have no set plans to see each other again. I did my best to explain that I'm sure that won't always be the case and that I'll see her as a friend eventually, but that it's still too soon. I also told her that of all the people I wanted to go with, she was the one I wanted to go with most, but I have to move on.She really means a lot to me and I only want to see her happy, but I know that I also have to do what's best for me, otherwise we won't even have a chance of friendship. Was this the right thing to do? Should I have told her that I didn't want to take her any more? What do you think I should do next?
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broke up, christmas, ex girlfriend, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (3 May 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the support folks. It wasn't an easy thing to do and a part of me still feels bad. It's probably because I know that I disappointed her (I hate disappointing anyone, people I care for especially) and because I know that by cutting that tie I'm taking a big step towards moving on from her. The latter should surely make me happy, but it doesn't really. I hope in time it will!
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 I think you did the right thing, and kudos to you for being honest about your feelings and what you're capable of handling with her. It took a lot of courage for you to stand up for your feelings.
As for what to do next, you know what I think on that one, so I won't go into the details again. You know what you're doing, and know the emotional consequences of the path you've chosen. You're a good man, with a heart that cares about others more than himself. I'm sure you'll find someone eventually that appreciates that with all her heart.
Best wishes Andy!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2011):
 I think you did the right thing. You didn't fill her with "oh sure we will be BFF and go Segwaying together!" You were honest and upfront.
She obviously moved on but from my point of view I don't think she likes the idea of you moving on too.
Let it go. If (when you get closer to the time of the Segway rally) feel like inviting her, so so, if not.. Don't.
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