A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The first year and a half was great, then he moved 6 hours away because the company had problems and pulled everyone back to head office. He struggled financailly and I helped him out. I said at the time I did not want to be in a long distance relationship and wanted to break up. He said we should stay together, he will buy a ring and we'll get engaged, and when we are married I can look for a job there. Well he didn't make that money and we didn't get engaged. He had problems at work and after a big fight with them resigned because one of his friends found another position for him. He had looked for jobs before but without success. I also looked for something closer to him but also nothing. I am now after about 3 years of this LDR so frustrated I want to give up. He has said I must just hang on and give him a chance in the new job, which started 2 months ago, but actually he still doesn't have money to even make phone calls. I don't know when he will be in a position for us to marry or even to support me until I find a job. I want to give up. I am living a life of a single person without the freedom. I want to get married and have a family. I thought that I had met my husband the day I met him, but now I don't see it working. How much longer should I wait? When we talk about the future he is still talking about visiting for a week in December, which means he sees us still being in the same position then. That's not acceptable to me. What should I do?
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at work, engaged, long distance, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I'm sorry but adults who are LDR for more than 2 years when schooling is not involved are using LDR as a way to avoid "real life"
the entire GOAL of LDR is to NOT be LDR.. if all you get is a week in december... then it's time to fish or cut bait...
either you have plans to end the distance ASAP or it's over.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 August 2014):
 You have given him 3 years and all you have to look forward to is a week together in December?
He's only 6 hours away but it might as well be 60 as your still, day after day, in an LDR and may as well be single.
His life-changes are his life. Your life is still as it was, same job, friends, home - for the last 3 years - while he has moved on. He must know deep down that your lives have drifted apart now.
It is sad but its over, there is no way round it because his work dictates where he lives and you have had enough.
Finish it for both your sakes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): Speaking from experience, I was also tired of waiting on a guy I was in a LDR. I wanted to be married and have a family soon and this guy was just not going to make that happen for us anytime soon. I loved this guy, but eventually I had to end it with him.
Then after a while, I met another guy who was better for me, I loved him more - we were just a better match! This guy was thankfully ready to take the next step, and now I couldn't be happier.
Wanted to share my experience with you in hopes of you having good luck as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 August 2014):
DO you want to wait for him to sort himself out? And how long would you wait? Have you two even talked about that? Would you give him 6 more months? Or 6 more years?
OR..
Are YOU done with being a geographical bachelorette? I'm not asking about HIM or what HE wants, because this is about YOU and what YOU want. IF you are TIRED of being in a relationship that has STAGNATED for 3 1/2 years, then END it. Tell him you no longer feel the same and that waiting for something that may or may not happen is NOT how you want to live your life.
Putting your life on hold for someone is hard, it gets even harder when there is NO concrete solution or timeline.
LDR only really work out when the people decide this is the time line and live accordingly. And 3 1/2 years of nothing going on to move it along is not helping either of you.
Think on it, decide what YOU want, then go for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): Move on.
I speak from experience. I just ended a four year long distance relationship. I saw him once a year, and he lived over 8000 miles away. But I hung on, because he was a good guy. He still is a good guy, but living alone when I was supposedly in a relationship was slowly killing me. LDR's can work, but spending 95% of your time away from your significant others is no way to live.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (15 August 2014):
 Move on. At the end of the day you are stuck in a cycle of him saying "it will get better some day never maybe..."
You could spend another 5 years going round in these circles so I would cut your losses and move on. Besides, it all sounds very one sided. It seems you have to wait for him, have to move to where he is, etc.
He can say you "Must" do this, or "should" do that but really you can do what you want. Stay if you wish or move on if you don't. You don't have to do what he wants or what is best for him.
Mark
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