A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a married man at work. Recently for a month we've been working more closely together. He started flirting with me and I am attracted to him. He winked at me a few times, brushed his arm against mine one time for a few seconds and teasing me sometimes. I flirted back a little. I know this is so wrong but I kind of let him know that I'm interested in him. After that, he kept a distance from me. He still waves at me, says hi to me but stops the flirting. I thought maybe that's the best thing as I don't see where all this could have ended up. So I tried to act normal around him and work as usual. But he's acting so weird around me. One time we went to lunch with other coworkers and he didn't talk at all during the entire lunch with anybody but went to the other table to chat with another coworker who happened to go to the same place for lunch. He looked uncomfortable the whole time. So I thought he didn't want to see me and I would better just stay away. After that, he kept changing his behavior when he saw me. For example, one day he was locking eyes with me as we were walking towards each other in a long hallway. It was at least a few seconds of constant eye contact and we didn't say a word. But then most of the time when he sees me, he just says hi and walks away from me as quickly as possible. But one day, it seems like all of a sudden he was making an effort to joke with me in 3 different occasions. I thought that's good. We can just be friends. But the next day, he seemed uncomfortable to see me again. Then, another day i was talking to him about work at his cubicle, maybe I looked nervous around him, he held out his fist to do a fist bump with me. So I bumped his fist but the whole time he looked so serious. Anyhow I guess that's a friendly gesture like he thinks of me as a friend. Few days later, I gave him a fist bump and that made him laugh. I was glad we're like friends or at least normal coworkers. However, another day, I was talking to another male coworker. He was walking towards us and the whole time he was looking at me eye-to-eye. There was enough space for him to pass by me but it was awkward that he got right in front of me for about couple seconds, did not say a word and then passed by me. Right after he passed me, I heard him saying that he put on the brakes. I know for sure there's nobody else around him when he said that. I am really confused why he's avoiding me but at the same time still making me feel like something might be going on. Sometimes I feel like I just want to ask him out to lunch to talk about what exactly is happening and be done with all of this, but I'm afraid this is going to cause more of this awkwardness between us. Can someone please tell me what might be happening here and if I should just have a conversation with him? If none of this happened, he might have been a good friend of mine because he's a lot of fun to be with.
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at work, co-worker, flirt, married man, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 August 2014):
 Oh dear, another case of misinterpretation of flirting and friendliness. I see this a lot here and IRL too
JUST because a person (married or single) is friendly and/or flirty does NOT mean they want you for sex or anything other than friendly flirting.
Some folks (like me) are just naturally flirtatious and outgoing and friendly. WHEN we behave that way with OTHER folks who are natural flirts.. it's all fun and games and everyone knows we are going home to the ones we love... the flirting keeps us happy at work. We spend more time at work than at home so we might as well have fun.
What happened was he was being HIMSELF (fun and flirty and friendly) and you misinterpreted this as he was interested in you as more than a co-worker and once he realized your misinterpretation of his behavior he backed off so as to not lead you on with his confusing (to you) behavior.
At least that's how it's always worked for me.
Although I tend to avoid misinterpretation by others by mentioning my husband early on in the conversation.
A
female
reader, countryaly76 +, writes (17 August 2014):
First of all he's MARRIED. Why would you even be interested in a married man? I say stay away from that situation its ok to be friendly but I wouldn't have a conversation with him about his intentions, he has already gotten what he needed from you and that was the validation that you would be interested. sometimes married men need to know that they are still attractive to other women, so they flirt just to see if they get a response. And,you responded. just be a co-worker, stay friendly and leave it alone. Find you a nice SINGLE guy and flirt away.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 August 2014):
 He is flirting just like back high school. He like the rest of us miseble men is looking for validation. He nts to feel thst his manhood stll exists outside of marriage. Being with one women for years and years isstifeling and stunts a man's ego into feeling like the world is spinning out of control. He just needs to feellike someone els of the opposite sex might find him appealing to be around. No harm no foul. H's NOT lking to strike up alationship or get involvein a trist of any kind, He probably just eeds to fel needed. No worries, just wink back and smile. He'll go away real soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2014): Most likely he was just joking around with you, and you mis-read it as him maybe wanting 'more' and now he is trying to remain friendly but also let you know he isn't 'interested'.There is also the possibility he flirted to get your attention, when he knew you were attracted to him, or 'interested', that was all his ego needed to know. He never had any intention of anything happening between you, but he liked the idea that you 'would' if he had of wanted to. That was good enough to stroke his ego.Be polite and friendly as much as you would be with anyone, and that's it. but don't buy into this anymore. He is never going to want more, just to know he 'could' because you 'would'. Don't have 'that' conversation, it will be embarrassing and uncomfortable. He will most likely 'not know what you're talking about'. Have good morals and don't EVER go there with a married man. It will undoubtedly end in immense heartache. Most likely for you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 August 2014):
 What's going on is that he was having fun, joking around, being silly, with a co worker (you) who then took it a level further and let him know you are interested.
He obviously isn't "interested" it seems you read the situation wrong. Leave him alone, he is a married man and not interested in anything but being a work colleague.
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