A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After 8 months, I finally returned to the place I used to work. The last time I was there, I became good friends with a man, let's call him Mike. Mike pretty much taught me everything I knew when I first started the job. He is about 10 years older than me, married with one kid. The last time I was at this workplace, we instantly hit it off. We have the same goofy personalities. We joke around, always work together. He would go out of his way to talk to me and work with me. He also asked lots of questions about my personal life/relationships. He is very friendly, a gentleman, and polite. He is very funny and also shy. It was very obvious to me that he treated me differently than other co-workers. He always held doors for me, helped me, and when i almost ran into him, he put his hand in the small of my back (i assume this was innocent, seeing as he almost ran me over) The last day I saw him, we hugged, and i was sad to leave. Mike talked about his kid a lot to me. He mentioned his wife a few times, only saying that she doesnt really like to go out anywhere.The first day I came back, his mouth dropped and he asked what i was doing there. He couldnt believe it and kept asking me how it was possible...He continued joking just as he always does. He asked what days i work/how long i would remain at this place. He asked how my summer was. I told him it was fine and he said "I wouldnt know... I never heard from you..." (he looked at the ground like he was sad). i told him i tried to text him, but it never went through. He told me to text him then to make sure it works. Later on I told him about the last place I worked. When i went to leave, he went to give me a handshake (like how guys would shake each others hands and bump chests). He held my hand and then stepped in and his chest touched mine. I held his side. Then I stepped away... and he continued to hold my hand while we finished talking. When this happened, I just assumed he was treating me like one of his guy friends.However the next day, he completely ignored me. He saw me and said nothing. I passed him multiple times in the hallway... he would stare at me or take a step near me, but he wouldnt say anything. I texted him just to say hi, and he never answered. I thought I did something wrong..... next time i passed him I said "hey you never answered".... and he kind of laughed to himself and said "im working!" . Although Im right next door and they werent busy at all.I already know the morals involved. I honestly don't know whether any lines were crossed or if we are just very good friends.My questions is: Why is he so hot and cold? Excited and happy one day, ignoring me the next?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 August 2014):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-my-married-coworker-so-hot-and.html asked the same question:
"My questions is: Why is he so hot and cold? Excited and happy one day, ignoring me the next?"
My answer is exactly the same...
YOU are seeing what you WANT to see... NOTHING you have posted here leads me to suspect he is anything other than an exuberant extroverted out going co-worker.
Since you are seeking an answer to what you are thinking it going on, I have to wonder if you HOPE something will go on....
IF you have a "work crush" on this guy that's FINE but know that some folks are just very friendly and many times folks who have (inappropriate) feelings (even subconscious ones) put out "vibes" that others pick up on.
IF all he was doing was being overly friendly (and safely flirtatious) and you have misinterpreted this as interest which has caused you to be MORE interested, then he picks up on your interest and he backs up so as to NOT send you what you deem as mixed signals.
I have to worry about this since I'm very outgoing, flirtatious and extroverted. I'm also very married and while I whine and complain about my spouse I would NEVER cheat on him and as soon as I sense someone is leaning over that line I set the record straight.
Sounds to me like he does not know how to "set the record straight" with you that it's nothing more than a work flirtation.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 August 2014):
 Why are you reposting this exact same question again? Do you think that this time you'll get the answers you want rather than the sound advice you got the last time?
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