A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles.I have a very basic question that I need some advice on. I have decided to introduce my daughter to my boyfriend officially as my boyfriend, but I'm not sure how best to go about it.I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months, and we knew each other for around two years before that. My daughter knows him well, and is friend's with his niece, who she shares a dance class with. This is how we met actually. She is comfortable around him, and she always gives him a hug goodbye, greets him well, interacts with him, and my daughters father is also happy for him to be made a more official member of my life.I have never had to do this before as this is the first relationship I have had since my ex and I broke up. My daughter is 7 so I believe she already has an idea that my boyfriend is more then a friend but she hasn't actually said it out loud.My boyfriend is very understanding and he is happy for us to wait, or to go about it however I want.I had thought about maybe keeping it casual, like over dinner one night, or during a day out?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 3rd vote for say nothing .
kids are BRILLIANT and understand things we can't imagine they understand....
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 I agree. No need for a formal announcement here. It doesn't change anything, right?
if she asks you can answer simply and honestly, but I'd leave it be and continue on as usual.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): She's 7 OP, she doesn't need a big official announcement, it'll only confuse her and make it seem like some kind of big deal, that you're announcing a big scary change to her life.
I dated a single mother a good few years back and her four year old was lovely. She basically sat him down on her own and asked what he thought of me, then asked what he thought about me becoming her boyfriend, he said it was fine. I know 4 is pretty different in terms of maturity than 7 but I like the idea of asking the kid their opinion and making them part of the decision process even if they're not really, kids get a sense of security from thinking it was kind of their idea too.
What you're proposing is making a big formal deal out of announcing your relationship with him to a 7 year old, to me that's overkill. Two adults in a formal setting talking at your child. I can't imagine anything more intimidating than making this a bigger deal than it should be and she's only 7, she doesn't require a big formal event to tell her you like him and want to be in a relationship with him.
It'd probably go down better if it was just you and her talking while doing your usual cuddling on the sofa watching something or over breakfast when she's getting ready for school, and just put the idea out there and see what she thinks.
"You know, John*? I was thinking I might like him to my boyfriend, what do you think should I ask him?"
If in the unlikely event she says no then you can find out why and you know you have to wait and work around that.
Making a big formal announcement if it were to go wrong doesn't leave any scope for anything except her to just accept it's the new reality of her life.
Some kids can feel threatened by new partners.
I say just talk to her in passing, mother to daughter. My guess is she'll think it's cool, even if she doesn't understand why you want to kiss a smelly boy because boys are gross creatures that eat mud and worms!
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