A
female
age
36-40,
*dyllic88
writes:Dear cupid, I need help , I was talking to a much older man without any real touchy it could be more then friends but i think in catching feelings and I'm afraid to be judged since he is so much older i am 26 he is 55 I might also mention i have a child who in raising alone and I love the stability he brings to me but something makes me feel wrong for it
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): I think he is a father-figure and the stability you see is like a father. Your fondness may be hinged on the fact that he is older, and that represents stability and experience.
Fatherly and comforting qualities.
You are raising a child, and I hope you are not allowing your need for help to have an influence over your feelings. We can sometimes talk ourselves into things. Rationalizing to ease our conscience, and convincing ourselves bitter medicine doesn't really taste so bad, if we take it quickly. Not saying he is gross, but he may have been more appealing 25 years ago.
In the long run, I think you will miss aging together. He will grow so much older, and he will not be able to keep up with you, or your child. Dating is fine, but I think you're settling; because you're exhausted. Perhaps you've had bad experiences with men, and you just want to settle-down, and have someone to help you out financially. He isn't spooked that you have a kid. He's probably a very nice guy.
Here's a dose of reality. Older men are wonderful. I happen to be one. I date them too. I'm gay.
His sex-drive may decline when yours is at it's peak. Testosterone-levels drop from age 35 on. Only very physically-active and athletic men can delay this; because their bodies are fit and well-exercised. Staying fit adds vitality and longevity. Good health is essential in your mate.
It's not what other people think that matters, it is what you are emotionally and physically able to accept. There are complications that come with extreme differences with age. You have to be realistic. If he isn't very physically active, and he doesn't watch his diet. He may be a heart-attack or stroke waiting to happen. Wealth sometimes compensates for a lot of things; but you want someone you love to be around for many years, to watch you gracefully age. Sharing the years as they go by. I say all this because the word "stability" translates to "settled" or willing to settle-down. A marriage prospect.
The romance seems real nice and sweet at the start. Yes, it works out for some people. There are always rare exceptions.
You may not be so lucky, and fall within the majority who don't make out so well. You may miss doing things appropriate to your age. You will have a weird mixture of friends in different age-groups; and unless you can think old-school, you may not have many things you can talk about and relate to. He will talk a lot about the past; while you're thinking toward the future.
Think beyond the sweet-talk and being cozy on dates. Everyone is charming in the beginning of a courtship.
He may not like to do a lot of physically-demanding activities, get cranky, and may like staying home a lot. He will not feel comfortable with much younger men checking you out or flirting with you. The biggest challenge is older men do not open up their feelings. They are harder to get to tell you what is on their minds; and will take an authoritative position in the relationship. Sometimes they can be quite dismissive, controlling, or condescending when they think they know better. Not to mention they can be stubborn and hard to adapt to change.
The differences only become more apparent over the years.
Before you get yourself ready to jump in with both feet,
make sure you can handle what you're getting into.
It's not just about stability. It has to include love, passion, affection, flexibility, kindness, willingness to compromise, and good communication. He has to be patient with young children. If he has adult-children, they are just another hurdle to get over. They might be suspicious of you or resentful. They will seem quite supportive at the start, but turn when things get more serious between you as a couple. Everything is fine as long as dad is just "getting some." Marriage? No way!!!
If you can checkoff all the right boxes, then go for it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I'm all for age gap relationships. My husband is 13 years younger than I am. In every case I've ever seen that works long term, the older partner goes into the relationship kicking and screaming and fighting it. We feel that it's NOT fair to the younger partner.
IF this man you feel so secure with is encouraging you to be with him as a romantic partner, then he's not putting your best interest first and rather is being selfish in wanting a young thing on his arm.
In this case, I think you are feeling wrong because you are not in love with this man. you see him as a security blanket. that is no reason to have a relationship with someone.
maintain a distant friendship with him. Fiscal security is not all you need for a relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): They say age doesnt matter but for me it depends. Honestly, the age gap between the two of you is so disturbing like your dating someone enough to be your father.
Maybe it' the age gap that bothers and makes you feel wrong about it. In addition people will judge, talk and stare maliciously when seen together in public.
For me, age gap matters however not really a big deal. If his married thats what will make your relationship with him wrong.
Never go for someone who is in a relationship. I believe in karma. Another thing is, if your just with him because of money, then it will really bothers you.
I dont think if your happy. Otherwise you wont write here. Analyze your situation carefully.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (18 August 2014):
well are you going out with him because you like him or are you just going out with him for the stability ?
If it is just for the 2nd then don't go out with him as it will be a dead end relationship and you would be using him.
if you like him then maybe go for it , you may get a few people judging and saying comments but if that doesn't bother you than it is fine. But you are bother adults .
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): You wouldn't be the first to have an older man in your life, but if you're scared of being judged by other people, is it really worth it? Judgement will always come whether you want it or not, but in another ten years, he'll be 65 and looking his age while you're still the pretty little lady on his arm. Have you thought of how it will look in the future? There's nothing wrong with that if it's what you want, but you will be judged by other people on the outside for it.You say you like the stability, is that really enough to begin a relationship? Perhaps you're thinking too much about what your child needs? Or not enough? 55 is not old, in fact, it's a rather good age these days. But remember, he is going to be getting older and eventually, his body won't cope with the pressures of raising a child the way someone your own age would be able to do. It sounds awful and I don't mean it as an insult to anyone of that age, but it is something to consider. At the end of the day, there is no one here that is going to stop you, it's your choice and only you can make it, but there are things to consider and with your already standing concerns, is it worth the pressures?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): Its simple if you love him and believe its not a relationship of convenience , then go for it. If its just financial stability you after I am afraid this will not last as it does require a lot more than just shacking up with someone. I am not sure many can have the stomach to sleep with a man for money, its good as being a prostitute only its a full time job for one man.
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