A
female
age
22-25,
*ranny1297
writes:My parents don't let me sleep at night!In 2013 I developed an eating disorder followed with random binges due to a lifetime of my dad's bulling and being a sensitive person, and continued despite all of this. He also abused everyone in my family so we all have some sort of problem or low self esteem and he never showed us any love, just negativity and fear when he was around; because of this my mum wants to get divorced.To me this whole situation is confusing because I know my dad loved us, it's just he has never had love demonstrated to him and didn't use the right approach for us to grow healthy. So my mum says she doesn't love him anymore, but now all of a sudden he loves her, is obsessed to the point of crazy, takes her out to eat and is constantly calling and texting her. He's trying to manipulate her back into being with him by being nice. He is nice to me and my sister when my mum is around but the minute she leaves he treats us like crap. He has also accused her of sleeping with someone else.My parents are still sleeping in the same bed as well which confuses me; it seems like they love each other but they don't at the same time (this divorce will happen though). At first I was upset, but now I want the divorce to happen as soon as possible so then I can feel free and not be controlled and bullied by my dad. It's horrible. They don't even let me sleep because they talk at night, get up and go up and downstairs, sometimes they'll even be outside my bedroom door in the corridor arguing, and when I tell them to stop they tell me to fuck off - why talk about your problems at night, I haven't slept in a while and I feel depressed and am now relapsing, feeling anxious with panic attacks.My mum has already taken me to the GP and I will be referred to a therapist (probably months from now) and my parents are going to be divorced within a few weeks (I think). How can I get them to stop talking and arguing at night, show me some respect for once and let me sleep before I become sick. Please help! What do I do in a situation like this! Thanks xx
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female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (26 August 2014):
franny1297 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much - I feel a bit better :) My grandparents are dead, all my relatives live abroad, and my aunty and her family are corrupted themselves. Again thank you so much xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): HiDo you have a close family member that you could go and stay with while this is going on, such as grandparents or aunts? have you asked your mum?This would be good for you to get some peace and step back from it all, while this gives them two time alone....please ask mum.In some ways I grew up in a similar enviroment, and I know all,too well, how hard it can be. If I can give you any good advice(through my own experience's) it would be to try your hardest to not get too involved in their arguments,for example...you know too much about their sleeping arrangments when you don't need to. This is really nothing to do with you, although they make their arguments in ear shot and you hear everything. Where they sleep is not your concern but where you sleep is your concern. You are a young lady and unfortunately your parents have been selfish by somehow involving you too much. It is very very sad when parents split up and divorce and many children are left heart broken, while others find a strange relief. Sometimes both parents may even start to get along with each other after divorce.You are starting to develop problems due to all the upset and stress and as you say, abuse that you have experienced. Have you tried talking to a close family member or teacher about what you are experiencing?You are too young to deal with all these heavy emotions yourself. When I was your age, we never had the type of help that is available now and sadly we had to learn how to 'cope' on our own. You don't have to, so please know that WITH help you can get through this difficult time, you obviously are getting some help from your GP and future therapist, this is positive. I will advise you that you 'CAN NOT' stop them arguing,infront of you, or at any time of day, or to ask them to show you respect,when they probably don't show each other any respect,they are too busy fighting their own feelings and your feelings at the moment won't count much. It's not that they don't love you (I am sure they do)it's just that they are 'losing' love' and that too, is not a nice feeling.Please hang in there and don't begin a negative cycle of self harm by not eating, this is a road you don't need to go down. You can help yourself in many positive ways until your therapy starts.1. Ask mum to see about staying with close trusted relatives for a while.2. Detach from what they are saying to each other, we say many things that are bad when we are angry and hurt.3. Remember you can always come on here and talk to the aunts and uncles if you want to let off a bit of steam.4. You could talk to a teacher.5. You can keep positive thoughts in your mind knowing that this chaotic hard time, will ease off in time and you will feel better.6. You can put your ear phones on and listen to music.7. you can dance your anger out and frustrations.8. you can paint your feelings ( with rythmic music in the background. 9. you can vent your sadness in poetry.10. Don't demand respect it will make things worse, stay away as much as possible when they fight.11. Don't take sides (no matter who is right or wrong)these arguments are not yours.You can do negative things (like not eating)or you can do positive things, like from the above. The ARTS are great for relieving stress and inner pain, is there a dance class you could join at weekends or evenings? do you have any art materials at home for those hours you feel angry and upset?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 Franny, ask mom to buy you some earplugs for sleeping. that will help cancel out the noise your folks are making.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 I'm so sorry you are experiencing this! I think the best option would be to stay with another relative (if one is available) until the divorce is final.When your Mom is calm ask her if you can stay with someone you both trust until this is over. If this isn't an option is there another place in the house you can sleep that would be more quiet? You also need to talk to your Mom (when she is calm) about how you feel and how he treats you. Please remember that this isn't your fault. Your Dad not showing his love and being abusive is not your fault. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. However demanding this will only make your situation worst so be careful about how you act and what you say. Right now I can only imagine how stressed, scared, and confused you are. Your best option is to talk to your Mom or an adult you trust. Take care!
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