A
female
age
30-35,
*smile007
writes:So I just found two hotel keys cards in my boyfriend's overnight bag that he took with him to his mothers house...should I tell him that I found the keys...... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 March 2015):
 I'm with the anon female who is suggesting doing research. I think I have hotel keys stuck in my overnight bag from 10 years ago - I keep forgetting to throw them away and usually find them when I'm packing for my next trip.
The question is - why were you looking in your boyfriend's overnight bag?? Are there symptoms of him not being trustworthy in other areas? How often do you look through his overnight bag after he gets back from something?? If he frequently takes trips to his mom's place, and you've been looking through his bag on a regular basis, and there are other telltale signs of possibly cheating, then what are these signs??
I do not advocate snooping at all. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you like him reading your diary, looking through your drawers, stealing the password to your bank account and logging in to monitor your spending habits to see if you're cheating, where is the line drawn??
If you don't trust the guy, then leave him. End of story. A cheater will cheat no matter if you trust him or are paranoid and monitoring and snooping his every move. So if he's been throwing signs of not being trustworthy, then why the headache? If you don't trust ANYONE you're with, then you need professional help, but if you are normally trustworthy and are catching the guy in lies where he didn't go to his mom's house but instead a hotel (does it take him more than one day to go to his mom's house?), then why stay with him??
I take a scorched earth policy to cheaters. If everything points to cheating, I'm not going to snoop and make myself crazy. I'll drop the guy...headache solved. The thinking is similar to a mob boss who has a three person crew and found out that someone's a mole. I'd "fire" all three and start over fresh. A guy starts lying, getting evasive, and comes up with stories about his whereabouts that don't match his odometer on the car...I kick him out. I don't need the used condom or the lipstick on the collar or the snooped texts. If it gets to the snooping part, I won't bother.
If you're at that point where you have to rifle and invade privacy, you should already either be broken up with the guy, or if the trust issues are with everyone, you should be seeing a professional.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): 100% Yes . It seems suspicious to me expecially if he has never mentioned this to you. If you dont like confrontation you can always ask innocently and see his reaction ,you know him best so therefore you would know straight away if his lying or telling the truth. Just remember a females intuation is always right if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): It's Female Anon, OP.
Just responded about "staging" the keys falling out and pretending you are seeing them for the first time.
Forgot to tell you.
HOW DO I KNOW THESE THINGS?
I was with a MASTER LIAR, CHEATER and MANIPULATOR for two years. I know better than anyone else ... so if you need further advice, just post here.
Hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): Well he might get upset or defensive that you were going through his bag in the first place.Is it possible that you can pretend you are picking up the bag in front of him and "pretend" to let the keys fall out?That way it looks accidental and he will not be on the defensive?Cause if he is, it will cloud his explanation of the truth. He might instead choose to turn it on YOU. How dare YOU snoop through his bag? Do YOU not trust him? He could make it all your fault and in the process DEFLECT the truth. Try to make you feel guilty. And maybe not even give you an answer.Consider this.So, if it was me, I would STAGE it so the keys fell out on their own (with your help, of course). Pretend that you just saw them fall out for the first time. And then ask what they are. DON'T LET ON THAT YOU KNOW THEY ARE HOTEL KEYS. See if he offers that FIRST. Then watch his face and watch him scramble for an explanation.Note: If the explanation is QUICK, there is a good chance he is telling the truth. When he takes time to think about it, it could definitely mean he is inventing a lie.Hope he answers you quickly! And his answer is something you can accept.I suggest doing it this way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2015):
 What options do you have
a. ask about them since they are worrying you
or
b. ignore the concern and pretend all is well and eat yourself up inside with worry.
I would ask... but I would also watch his reaction in addition to listening to his words
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): Before jumping to any conclusions, tell him what you've found. Calmly inquire as to when he got them, and judge by his explanation. Keeping quiet about it, while full of suspicion; it's going to come-out in a fight anyway!
If you don't know when they were purchased, you can't assume anything. He could have had them for years. If you go through my luggage, you'll find the same thing. I'd have to go back through my credit card receipts and business-travel itinerary to tell you when and where I got them. I've got a cool book of matches from the VIP room in a popular strip club in my sock drawer. A friend gave them to me almost six years ago! I don't smoke, I've never been there, and I'm gay!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): Was the hotel key of a hotel he might have vacationed at in the past? The key should have the hotel name on it. You can google the name of the hotel and find out the location of this hotel. Is the location of the hotel near and around where you and he live? If so, that is highly suspicious for obvious reasons. But if this hotel is located, say, in the Turks and Caicos then it might be an old key from a trip he took a long time ago. That he just never cleaned out of his overnight bag.You could also call this hotel and ask if he was a guest there. The best way to do this is to call and say you are trying to contact a guest (like he is still staying there), say your boyfriend's name. Naturally they are going to say that they have no guest by that name. Then ask them to double check as you are sure he is staying there. They'll ask you when he checked in, you tell them the dates he supposedly 'went to his mom's house.' They'll look back in their records and either confirm he was there but he checked out already or they'll tell you they had no guest by that name staying at their hotel on those dates. You've got to play it like this because if you let on that you are snooping they may be more reluctant to give you information. After you do this, and get some of your own information, then you confront him about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2015):
 I'd ask. Because pretending you didn't find them isn't going to help. JUST don't make any ASSUMPTIONS of what those keys are for.
THEY could have been in there for ages?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2015):
 Does B/F use this same overnight bag for legitimate forays.... such as for his job? If "yes," then temper your reaction until/unless you find out more. If "no," then plan on the end of your "relationship" coming about soon... and be prepared for it....
Good luck....
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