A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So last year I was in a bind. I needed some cash. Asked my baby daddy to help me call a few friends to see if they can help out. They did, except for one friend. This is the one friend who always acts so concerned and caring, always wanting to know how I am, going out to eat and chill all the time. This friend said she couldn't help. This friend never called or messaged me again after that incident. I was cool, whatever. I never held a grudge. I understood she didn't want to associate with me anymore. Her and her family are too good for me. That is all cool. I continue with life.Today, my teenage daughter came to me and told me that this ex-friend of mine's 8 year old daughter said I am mad at her mother because her mother won't lend me a thousand dollars. My daughter asked me why I am like that. I calmly told her that I never asked for a thousand dollars and I was never mad at her. I needed some help a year ago and asked some friends, she was one of them, but she didn't lend me any money and I was fine with it. I told my daughter it was my ex-friend who decided to not communicate with me anymore. I don't understand how people can be like that. How can they twist the story around like that. Why would they involve children in adult politics. This ex-friend is always, as in every single minute of the day, on Facebook. I placed a comment there for her to see.. that I don't understand why someone would say that and why involve children. I was going to unfriend her right after I posted that status on Facebook. She beat me to it.. blocked and unfriended me. But her husband wasn't as quick.. so I unfriended him. That is fine.. life goes on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): Hello SVC - This is OP here.Ever since I started using Bank Autopay and Billpay (about 2-3 years ago) I did away with checks. If needed, and of significant amount, I'd go to the bank to get a Cashier's Check.I believe my friend who posted the thousand dollar bail for me used her personal check.I was pulled over while driving home from work. The officer informed me I had a warrant for my arrest because I failed to appear in court for a previous ticket I received. I was to be held over night until the next morning when I would go to court to clear it up. When they booked me into jail, they took my purse which contained my wallet and credit/debit cards. This was not a serious offense as in I killed someone or robbed a bank and as mentioned it was my first time. I was scared and very confused. All I was told was I could bail myself out for a thousand dollars. All I can think about was I needed to get out and be at work the next morning. I had three phone calls.. they were limited and brief. I only had a chance to tell my baby daddy the three things I needed (care for my children, someone to bail me out, and bail money) and trusted he would handle it. He did the best he can and I am grateful. I repaid my friend back the next day.The last time I asked to borrow money was back in College days. I make a good living and do not owe money, aside from mortgage to the bank. My car is fully paid for.I am also a very generous person.. I bring back brand name bags and gifts for my close female friends (even this ex-friend) from my travels to Asia and Europe. I believe family and friends are more important than money. I've made loans to people and most have not even been returned. That is OK with me.I agree I should not have posted on Facebook, even if I only made it viewable to her and her husband. I should have messaged her in private. I was hoping she will ask/speak to her daughter about it after she read the post. I was surprised to see that her reaction was to immediately block and delete me. It's OK. It's done and over with now. I was just very upset the other day that she brought the children into this.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2015):
 you had the money but could not access it... why not ask baby daddy to bring you a check from your checkbook to pay the bail or borrow from a bail bonds man?
I would no NOT be lending a friend money for bail
when I lend money I assume I am not getting it back as that's always been the case with folks. I have lent large amounts and I KNEW that "lend" is a euphemism for GIVE in most cases.
she was wrong if she brought the child into it.
you were wrong to use social media to attempt to make a point
and also borrowing money for bail seems to be odd. I've paid bail for people before. Checks are perfectly acceptable as are credit cards. cash is NOT needed.
something is being omitted here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): Was it the first time you'd asked her for money? Or was this a pattern? Did you intend to pay it back? Have you ever borrowed money before and not paid it back? When you guys go out to eat and to chill, does she usually pay? If she always picks up the tab, maybe she felt like you were using her and just got fed up. But I don't know the history. And more importantly, what did you need the money for? Do you have a habit that your friend does not agree with? Drugs? Alcohol? Any sort of substance abuse? It's possible that she does not condone how you spend your money and doesn't want to be a part of it. I am very careful to ask friends for money. The times my friends have helped me out and been generous, it is because they've offered, I've never asked. I think one time while I was in college I asked my roommate for $40.00 and I promptly paid her back. And the reason I borrowed it was because I needed FOOD. I was broke and starved. What did you need $1000 for anyway? Thats a lot of money. That's way more money than anybody would need to cover basic necessities such as food or water. I think what's going on is that she does not agree with how you spend your money. And she refuses to enable you. I know it might sound harsh but it's just my take.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): I like to add that asking people for money places them in the position to ask you to pay them back. If you default on a promise made; that makes you less than a friend and just a user.
In all fairness to her, she may have been burnt before; and getting asked through a third-party (your baby's daddy) may have come-off the wrong way. The baby-daddy thing could have looked like you were bailing his ass out of some problem. Even I would have raised an eye-brow; and had a chat with you, if you were a friend of mine. She may have felt uncomfortable about asking for the details. If he has a reputation as a deadbeat, or would have benefited more than you or your child; I would have refused you to your face and suggested you not ask me for money. Period! There are two-sides to every story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): Well, what you've discovered is who your real friends are!
They rally to your aid during a crisis! You graciously return the favor, and cherish them forever!
She felt guilty she couldn't help, and probably didn't have the means to help. Her pride wouldn't allow her to admit she "couldn't afford" to help you. Instead, she just bowed-out like a coward. Typical of a fair-weather friend.
Some people are only your friend when the sun shines. When you're in need, they look for excuses to bailout on you; and don't have the decency to simply be honest and say, "I would if I could, but I can't right now."
She could have checked on you periodically, and given you her moral-support and comforting. At least offered you what she could; even if it was small. It didn't have to be money, it could have been a source or referral for help. Depending on the problem. That's what a real friend does.
It must have been pretty urgent, or you wouldn't have been so desperate that you had to swallow your pride and ask. You're a mom, so I know it was. You think of your kids first.
Don't overreact to what she told her daughter. Children overhear adult-talk; and relay things according to their own limited understanding. The child is only eight! She repeated it like a child would. Your reaction should not be as childish.
It wasn't a mature move on your part to publicize your problem with her on Facebook. It would have been better to just tell your daughter what happened, and leave it at that. She will mimic your behavior; even when it's wrong.
Little kids in grade-school have no understanding or concern regarding the misunderstanding between adults. You should have chosen the high-road; and simply waited until you crossed paths to iron-out your differences. The best way to deal with a person you have a problem with, is face to face. Teenagers use tactics like public shaming on Facebook and Twitter. The good thing is, it always comes back to bite them in their immature mean-spirited bratty little asses. We adults handle our problems differently.
You didn't have a problem then; don't have one now. Shrug it off, you now know her for what she is. No loss on your part. I truly hope things worked out for you, as far as that financial problem goes.
Bear this fact in-mind. People who have to twist things to make themselves look like a victim, do it out of weakness.
When the truth comes to light, everyone figures them out in the end. Then they have to hide in shame. As she has!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 March 2015):
 No ADULT PARENT should EVER involve their KIDS in their "drama". End of story.
My guess is she felt embarrassed that you asked for a loan, either because she didn't have that kind of money or because she didn't feel it was OK for you to ask for money of her. That, and maybe... because it was an EX/babydaddy ASKING for you.
And my second guess is she stopped talking to you because she sensed you would be mad that she couldn't lend you money. And you were... Hence your statement
# Her and her family are too good for me. That is all cool.#
That is so passive aggressive a statement.
Now I will repeat that she should NEVER have involved her 8 year old daughter in this drama. AT ALL. That is about as LOW as a parent can go.
But, you couldn't just pick up the phone and call her? Tell her WTF is wrong with you for telling these stories to your kid?
Nope you had to go passive-aggressive and POST some veiled "I know what you did last summer" post hoping you could HIT a nerve and make some more drama, she decided to block and delete you instead.
She is not more trying to play victim than you are.
You both behaved like you were back on the playground at the elementary school.
Sorry...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): OP here -The reason why I had my baby daddy contact my friends was because I was in jail. The bail amount was one thousand dollars. I have the money, just no access to it. I am a professional. I needed to be at work the next day as I was the presenter for a meeting for one of our clients who traveled far for this said meeting. Not being there was not an option.My baby daddy contacted a few of my friends who were also his friends. These women have been our friends for over 20 years. I wasn't asking someone I met two days ago to help out. My definition of 'helping out' consisted of watching my children for a few hours, assisting with bail, and lending me money. My baby daddy wasn't able to help as he has been unemployed for some time. I paid my friend who lent me the thousand dollar immediately the next day.My friends reached out to me afterwards and asked about the situation, I explained it to them, and later my attorney was able to have the judge dismiss the case. Everything is fine. It was my first time in a situation like that.As this happened last year, I have seen this ex-friend at my children's school many times. Each time, she would turn the other way pretending she doesn't see me. Her husband has said Hi a few times which I replied in a friendly manner. This is why I came to the conclusion that she didn't want anything to do with me. I don't have an issue with judgmental people. I don't have a problem with her not wanting to be my friend anymore. A true friend may not be able to help physically or financially, but will always reach out with care and concern... she never did. She just decided she didn't want to continue our friendship. That is fine.Regarding my status update on Facebook. I made it only viewable to her and her husband. I wanted them to know that if they had a problem with me, they can come talk to me, not through the children. I agree I might have went about it the wrong way.. I should have privately messaged them how I felt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): She felt uncomfortable that you asked for money, completely normal reaction.
It sounds more like perhaps the daughter listened into her parents conversations than the mother badmouthing you.
You were in the wrong for involving everyone in an issue between the two of you, you seem yourself to want to play the victim.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2015):
So you needed money and you had your ex contact your friends to ask them to give you money?
WOW!
I would have been one of those friends that said "no I can't lend you any money is there some other way I can help?" what would you have said?
maybe the friend didn't contact you because she was giving you space or she was making it clear she was a friend not a bank?
I care deeply for my friends but that does not mean I would give/lend them money
have you paid back the friends you took money from?
you say it was ok that she never contacted you that it's ok that they (think they are) better than you. IF you think that's what they think then why would you care about them or what they think feel or say?
then you vaguebook something to get to her? that's teen drama....
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A
female
reader, lions go rawr +, writes (19 March 2015):
Unfortunately, some people are just rude and selfish. This woman is both. She has to be the center of attention, and what better way to do that than become the victim? But where would her victim pleas get her if she didn't involve her children? They wouldn't be very valid if her children weren't also victims of the world, or at the very least, aware of how she is such a victim. That woman is manipulative and selfish, and is truly miserable deep down inside. More than likely, few people truly like her. She likely exhausts everyone to be around, as no one likes constantly having to pity someone. Consider yourself lucky that you were about to see through her BS sooner rather than later, and were able to get her out of your life. You don't need those kinds of people bringing you down.
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